Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

He’s a lesser human than you. Less evolved. Still a youth. Pity the poor child with parents like this.

I don’t blame you

Thanks for starting a second thread, OP.

It sounds as if your time away has given you the perspective you needed. Wishing you luck with the chat.

Beware the narc, he will gaslight you. He will try to project his own miscomings onto you by accusing you of that with which he is guilty.

They also move on scarily fast. Serious charmers. They never love anyone,. They are only looking for a supply and someone to use. Zero empathy.

So be relieved if you are rid of him.

And try get some work on healing yourself as you were taken advantage of and need to increase your self worth in general.

And don't delete these threads. Read back over them whenever you doubt yourself again.

Your poor DSD, sorry to say your Dp sounds like a deadbeat dad, sure he has his fair share of custody on the face of it but consistently palming her off on other's and than even when he cant do that dragging her around to do things he wants to do whilst doing nothing for her... 😞 sad for her as by the sounds of it your the only adult that is fully invested in what is best for her. But equally you need to think of yourself and what is best for you

Five hours. at Five years old. On a Sunday, at dad's place of "work" being barely supervised and probably very bored. Fuck me, what a prize father of the year he is. I treat my dog better than he treats his little girl. Miles better.

Hold your resolve, OP. Wishing you best of luck for staying focussed on YOUR needs.

Don’t let him deflect onto you which is what he seems great at doing.

When he says he had to take DSD to the gym because you weren’t back in time, ask him why he couldn’t sacrifice the gym to spend time doing something child friendly with his daughter.

When he says that he is burnt out because he’s looked after his daughter all weekend ask him how he thinks you feel when you’re the one usually doing it and it isn’t even your child.

When he says that you’re both meant to be parents to DSD ask him why you are the one doing 99% of that parenting.

"Why aren't you prepared to look after your own child?" on repeat.

Good luck x

Poor DSD. I remember ferrying my DC to swimming lessons, teaching them to ride a bike and going to the park at the weekend when they were that age. That was what a 'full on day' was - putting them first and hopefully giving them skills for life.
This selfish man treats his DD as an inconvenience - why does he see 'networking' as more important? What a poor excuse of a man.

Obsessed with the gym and his appearance, shit father, burnt bridges with his mother, has offloaded his responsibilities onto you and gaslighting you, and its ALL about him.

Are you sure he is not a secret narc?

The gym is prob his 'pub' without the booze, so it's all just his socializing time.

He's using you, OP. Please leave him and find someone who respects and cares about you

Now he's used up his mum and his wife's good will he'll be on the look out for the next unpaid nanny.

Bloody hell, your poor DSD.

But, this isn’t your problem.

He did what so many men do - found himself a free nanny that can also clean his house and service his cock

He's an absolute shit. I'd be mortified by what a crappy selfish useless father he is. That poor poor wee girl.

Do not let him talk you round. I feel awful for your DSD but you are not her parent, and he's made it clear that your role in this relationship is to be a nanny with a fanny.

It is nasty and im wondering where sex fits in, is he actually loving or does he just expect that after his dinner in bed,

He won't change.
I hope you dont fall for his bullshit.

Best case scenario it has a creche, but even then it'd be shitty to just leave her in it for hours at a time because he can't be arsed to look after her alone.

Unless he's lining up someone else....

5 hours at the gym in a day, that's wild.

I know gym bros and they're not spending 5 hours in the gym when they've got their kids, or even when they don't. He's gone way overboard with his gym time.

How does he manage leaving her for such lengths of time there? In the gyms I've been to, childcare is 2 hours max and they will literally come and get you to come get your kid if you try to push that limit.

I cant believe he doesnt take her swimming and that hes been taking her to the gym, why is he so obsessed with the gym but then he is no.1 on his list

I only vaguely touched base with your last thread but I remember you said that his own mother had pushed back against the child sitting. Normally grandparents love spending time but I'm guessing that she was depleted, a line was crossed and realised she was being used.

Sometimes people wake up from relationships years into it as they have been conditioned to believe they should do x, y and z.

You may need a good therapist as you will probably doubt yourself and your decisions if you try to assert yourself. Feeling false guilt is common.

I don't know your husband but I don't like him at all.

Good luck op, it has to be done.
Let us know how you get on xx

Good luck. He is exceptionally entitled and a shit parent to boot. I wouldn't want to be around him. Feel sorry for his daughter but you can't sacrifice yourself to that set up <imagining a world where he doesn't exist and you somehow get to look after this poor girl but without this miserable freeloader in tow..>

Leave him he won't change his attitude.

Tell the mother what he does or doesn't do with the child.

Tell the school the above and your concerns Re: Child is isolated from usual appropriate activities
Being taken to a gym for hours
(and as I've said previously unless there is a supervised child's area at the gym there is health / safety rules even if he owns the gym)

If mother doesn't care tell them that as well.
Its such a shame that this child may lose you.