Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

It’s fabulous to read a post where the OP has great boundaries and will defend them, but it’s a disturbing picture you paint @seasonofthebitch of this child’s life. If you decide to leave your husband I would really ask you to also consider going to social services about his “parenting”. You shouldn’t be kept in the relationship out of guilt but equally this child is being neglected- certainly her emotional and developmental needs aren’t being met when she’s her father’s responsibility, and I wonder about her physical needs too. Does he actually care for her in any way? You could make a report to the school, or could you use your position to contact the child’s GP and get them to make a referral to SS?

ETA this is going to be so hard for you, I am so sorry.

you have to leave this man ....it is not fair on you and that poor little girl

All those hours at the gym. That poor child. What a selfish pig. Thank god you never had kids with that swine. Do you ever wonder if he's only with you to offload her care into you?
He doesn't deserve either of you.

Unfortunately based on the OP’s posts in her first thread, the mother is just as bad. Dumps her daughter off on anyone and everyone, one of the main reasons OP ended up so involved was because the Mum would dump the little girl off with random neighbours constantly. She also mentioned the mum having brought several men into the home over the years, and that safeguarding (presumably via school) are already involved with the family due to one of the Mum’s previous boyfriends. So yeah, this poor little girl has not just one, but two shitty parents.

You’re an amazing stepmum OP. What you’ve done for this little girl for all this time is amazing. I know this thread is about her dad, but from what you’ve said about her mum on your other thread, she sounds just as bad. This poor little girl has pretty much been neglected by both of the people in her life who are supposed to care for her the most, leaving you to pick up the slack. Please don’t allow him to guilt trip you by using this fact against you. You have gone above and beyond when you should never have been put in this position in the first place. No matter what happens now, don’t forget that. You matter, and you deserve so much more than to be treated as a live in babysitter/nanny/housekeeper for not one, but two utterly useless parents. Wishing you all the best OP, and I hope whatever comes from your chat is what is best for you, you deserve to put yourself first for once.

He's a terrible parent, and I hope you can see that now that you've typed it out why he's divorced and why he should neve have had children. His poor daugher has to sit at the gym for hours on end so he can do his thing, and he thinks it's YOUR fault for not being there to look after her. Even though she's not even your child and he only has her on a part time schedule. He's awful!

Thank goodness you're not pregnant; please don't do subject another child to this 'father' !

Oh he will have a sob story to tell... "I'm doing my best to create a life for us all, and to provide for us. I'm trying so hard to develop this side hustle. You have no idea how difficult it is and how stressed I am. I NEED to be at the gym to create the future we wanted. I thought we were in this together. Now you're letting us all down. How can you do this to [insert child's name]? You're taking her future away. She will be heartbroken..." etc etc.

Remember that none of that is true. It is a convenient picture story he is telling himself because it allows him to offload responsibilites to others and to behave like a single person (except with an adorable child, and someone to fuck).

If I was that child's mother I'd be looking at stopping contact as our child was only having meaningful contact with the step mother not their father which is the intention of 'contact'.

I guess the girls mother isn’t particularly bothered about her either

poor little girl spending hours every day sitting at her dads gym.

That’s not a healthy environment and also his not thinking of her his making known at his gym a little girl is just hanging around with a dad who lets face it isn’t watching her. Groomers dream, make friends with dad get unlimited access to innocent little 5 year old to groom 🤢 while dads busy selling gym bro life.

His a shit dad and a shit partner.

Dumps her off on everyone when she wants to

Poor DSD and poor you. There are some fathers who only seem to start relationships with the objective of acquiring live-in childcare, because they’ve never seen parenting as their job in the first place.

I know you feel sorry for the poor little girl having two shitty parents, but you deserve to be valued for you and treated better than he apparently is doing. Who the fuck even eats in bed when their partner is trying to sleep except to make a point that you’re somehow falling short on your duties? Presumably you were supposed to stay up for him to return home, with dinner prepped and his slippers warmed, ready to meet his every need to the exclusion of your own.

Your DSD has been so lucky to have you in her life. At least she knows she’s worthy of love from all you’ve done for her.

Just summarised your circumstances to my DH. He is appalled and quite embarrassed for him. Being a real man means being a proper dad, even when it takes you outside your comfort zone. I know it will be heartbreaking for you, OP, as you clearly love this child but I think drawing the line in the sand is well overdue.

Sorry I missed the previous post.. whats her mum like?

Good lord. He’s awful

I've found the thread so upsetting about the little girl. OP please point out to him what he's doing i.e. neglecting his daughter and refusing to parent her. Offloading her onto the nearest female and not having a single thought about what his daughter wants or needs is not acceptable. I know you're putting your boundaries in place but please point out to him what he's doing is neglectful and he needs to step up as a parent (whether or not you stay).

I'm another poster who's glad that you realised what he was like before you had a baby with him. He sounds awful and I'm sure that if you had a joint child, he'd expect you to do even more of the parenting.

I feel so sad for your DSD. This wouldn't stop me from ending the marriage, but I would seriously think about trying to stay in touch with her, as it sounds as though the poor little girl gets pushed from pillar to post.

OH DEAR POOR LOVE - so tired after taking his daughter to the gym for 3 hours(!) Wondering what the poor kid did for the 3 hours while he was working out? And then he takes her there for another 2 hours because you have the termitary to be 'late' to look after HIS KID!! So 5 hours out of a whole day supposedly a 'contact' day with her father was spend cooling her heels while he worked out. WTF?!!

If I was that child's mother I'd be looking at stopping contact as our child was only having meaningful contact with the step mother not their father which is the intention of 'contact'.

Be prepared for the "you hate my child" approach. He may well try this tack in order to guilt you into backing down. He's had a day in the gym having to accommodate her and he will be smarting from that. He might double down on this one and make you the offender.

That can be hard to not react to.

Remember that as much as you care for this child, she is not yours, and not your responsibility. That your dickhead of a partner has not done anything with her this weekend and has kept doing what he always does and then moans about being tired? He’s a selfish cunt.

Also remember, when someone shows you who they are-believe them the first time.

And don’t have a baby with this waste of space otherwise you will never get rid.

I followed your last post @seasonofthebitch and I'm glad you've done a part 2 once that one was full so we can keep reminding you that you should not be the default parent and keep supporting you as he tries to emotionally manipulate you as you clearly love your DSD and as a step parent myself it can be hard to stand your ground without it being twisted as "we are family" "clearly you hate/don't love DC" etc.
I'm disgusted to read your update that he's dragged the poor wee girl to the gym, please tell me there is a crèche and she will have had some fun?

He really is a selfish twat. He obviously doesn’t want you to do anything at the weekend or weekend evening because your job is to babysit his child! Heaven forbid he misses a gym session.

My first thought when I read your original thread was 'no wonder his ex got rid if that's the way he behaved while living with her'.

He wants the quodos (SP?) of having a child, but isn't prepared to be a parent. I so feel for your DSD as when you leave this selfish bastard she may lose her relationship with you and you have been an exemplary step mother to her. Well done you!

You've done your best, but he's a piss-taking rat. Good luck to him & whatever poor woman who's seduced into another relationship with him.

I hate to say this, but no doubt, due to the time that he spends in the gym, he's probably ripped & has good body, he probably won't find it difficult to get another woman to take your place. Good luck to her & let's hope she asks questions about how come he's gone through so many women in such a short time & runs. No doubt he'll tell a sob story that will take them in & your poor DSD will have yet another step mother who will discover what a loser her father is & leave.

I feel for you and your DSD. It would be good if you could stay in contact in order to be there for her in the future.

edited for spelling though probably some that I hadn't spotted

Good luck op

Good luck OP. You need to exit this marriage, as you're being treated like a slave. I'm so sorry.

Your partner is a crap dad. And that’s coming little girl deserves so much better and more.

i hope you can make him see sense, for her sake only.