Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

Does the gyms insurance even cover the little girl being there

You are so successful and clearly kind and thoughtful. Why are you with this loser? He is a terrible father- his poor daughter. You can do so much better. Please leave him. You can’t have a baby with him - you will be trapped and it will break your heart to see him treat that child so poorly. He will never improve even if he promises otherwise. A stranger from thr street would probably show more care towards his daughter. He’s an awful man. Don’t believe anything he promises once he realises his free childcare is ending.

Honestly, OP - there is so much better out there. I say that married to a man who is a wonderful father. please hold out for better,for you, for any future children.

If he has the brass neck to try and play the "why are you avoiding spending time with DSD" card, then I would tell him that you aren't. But that he is.

It's as evident as the nose on his face that he sees her as an inconvenience, to be passed off to other people, or dragged around and stuck in a corner of a gym with an iPad whilst he goes off and "networks".

I would also tell him that there is zero danger of this ever happening with your own baby, because he is a shitty father to his DD and it's shown you that having a child with him would be an epic mistake.

You are right you shouldn't be raising someone else's kid without being a well paid nanny who's only job that is. Even if she was your daughter you shouldn't be doing most the work and you'd might as well be a single parent as he's so useless. I think your marriage is over as he doesn't sound like someone who cares for much except himself. This is so sad for the poor child but you can't sacrifice your happiness and career making up for her two sub-par parents.

I second this, and was thinking the same thing.

Sounds like you'd be a wonderful mum to her. Shame her own parents are so feckless.

Owner or not he should abide by its rules. After all what is the worst that could happen? OP needs to get out. He isn't going to change. If he isn't the owner then he should not be on the premises with a child but we know that

Poor girl. Nothing is getting between this man and his gym is there. He’s opted right out and fuck his daughters needs, and yours.

Thanks for clarifying.

I really hope your conversation goes well for you and that you're satisfied with the outcome.

Families where one parent works long hours and the other does the childcare, have usually made a concious decision based on what both parents see as the best way for it to work. For example, one parent might be earning high salary and the other might actively want to be a stay at home parent. Sometimes neither parent wants to or financially can give up their career and they employ home help. Some people also decide that they want to be more present and one or both parents change jobs or take less hours.

In your case, this isn't your child, you never agreed to this, you also work full time and have your own career, your husband isnt earning so much that it doesnt matter and if he did then you would have hired nannies, and his childcare issues aren't your problem to solve.

Oh op the poor girl he’s really not the dad she deserves. Op one of the things you say to him is why did he think taking a child to the gym was ok she needs more than this from her father the gym would still be there tomorrow I can’t believe how selfish this twat is. He really doesn’t give a shit about her. Op was it him who pushed for marriage btw?

I’m glad your sister has your back, then, and you’ve got real life support.

Steal her away and give her a lovely life 😢😢😢

ETA obviously not really. But genuinely 😢😢😢

How are you in any way still attracted to this man?? He just sounds beyond awful

Her sister thinks it's marriage-ending. So do I.

OP actually said she is a medic, but hasn't clarified whether she's a doctor or not.

Medic is commonly used in the US and can mean anyone working in an Emergency department or as a paramedic and often in the armed forces.

Op did you talk things through with your sister? What does she think?

This man thinks absolutely nothing of you.

When you get home and he informs you how inconvenienced he was by going to your sister and how 'burnt out ' he is, ask him about his day. When he says he had to take DSD to the gym for 3 hours, reply 'poor DSD, that must have been torture for her'...
Then ask what fun things he did with her, because it must have been great to have some Dad and daughter time together, Right? I bet he loved just the two of them having quality time together - Right? After all that 'networking', it must have been great just seeing her happy doing things she wanted to do? Right? Because after all, the most important thing is being a parent to her? Right? Tell him you can't wait to hear about all the exciting things he did with her in his 'full on day'. DSD must be exhausted too from all the fun he planned.

As parents, we both have sacrificed our careers and social lives to be present for our children. DH took a local job at a much lowrr pay as he simply didn't want to be doing his previous high pressured job ehich involved him out at 7am and back at 7 or late nights, as he wanted to be there with the kkds, to support them, to talk to them, to take them to sports clubs and have dinner with them.
I also took a work from home job and an working lower than my paygrade to be there and look after them as we have very little other help at all.
If my DH acted like your DH then we would have been over a long time ago. He would be out the door tbh.
I think its ok to take yohr kids to work now and then if you work somewhere you can do this and have no other option. I know someone that has a barber shop and has their kids a hang out room out the back for when their mum is working and the shop can't be closed for example. That dad also takes his kids to loads of stuff and is very hands on as well as working.
But this is for when its absolutely necessary and its not the same as carrying on your life as if they aren't there at all.
Many of us parents work full time but change schedules and do reduced hours and earn less so we can be present.
Your DH has shown you who he would be if you had a child with him, at least you had a trial run before actually having a child with him.

unfortunately I am very close to giving such advice also and I have never even thought to do this ever before

little children need stability, regular food, tons of entertainment, going out, to play

That’s awful. Poor DSD.

He could have made this a really lovely weekend just the two of them, and instead she’s just been dragged along to the gym 😢

Half of me really wants you to leave him but half of me feels so sad for her if you do!

But you can’t put up with this as a relationship - you just can’t be with someone like this.

this actually has to trigger proper safeguarding....apart from the safeguarding, both parents exercise parental neglect onto a child. The OP is a doctor....divorce that man and let him bear the full consequences

Sounds like he just wants someone to parent his child, not a relationship. He doesn't care about you. Get out now