Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

Please don't let him talk you round tomorrow. He's showing you loud and clear who he is and you're finally seeing it.

Alert the school safeguarding team on your way out about the neglect ... because he is a grossly neglectful father.

Is he physically abusive, OP? I agree he gives off Tate-vibes and considering he must be very strong physically, I'd make sure somebody's on standby before you speak to him. I think I'd move out if I were you.

TBF sounds like neither of the parents can be bothered with their DD.

I don't normally advocate splitting up a marriage but your DH really isn't showing that he values you as a wife at all, if he did he wouldn't be so unreasonable with expecting you to do as much as you do.

Infact if he was just wanting a nanny/maid I'm surprised he married, not you but anyone as surely he knows that divorce could/would leave him financially worse off.

Getting ratty with you and shouting, what's that for you haven't done anything wrong, quite the opposite, I can only think it's some kind of way of turning all this back on you....never a good idea.

My DH looked after 2 our DCs under 5s for whole days 7am to 7am next day. Played, lost his lovely watch down WC, cooked and fed, washed, bathed, did laundry, house very clean when I came back after working and said he loved all of it and would love to do it all the time! He also made sure shopping and scheduled activities were booked for the following week. This was in the 1970s and normally worked as a manual worker on engines. DCs thought they were on holiday, and so did I when I returned tired and exhausted. Seamless parenting although money was very tight. He was a really good DH partner.

He is a lazy man-child. Be careful @seasonofthebitch as he wont like losing his nanny. He is far too selfish to consider it.

I don't know without a bit of googling but the putting you in your place as you've very probably got a better job than him may be part of the ego tripping and narc stuff.

It's that "barefoot and pregnant" thing but more subtle.

Bet hes an Andrew Tate follower

I think you've made the right decision OP. Even if he promised to change and actually did, could you trust him not to revert back to his old ways as soon as he thought he really had you trapped? He probably thought that marriage and your bond with DSD would keep you there, but if that doesn't work, he might be hoping that pregnancy or maternity leave will do the trick.

Sadly, I can't see him admitting that he's behaved badly and changing his ways for good. He's too selfish.

I think the scales have fallen away from your eyes. He clearly feels so entitled to your labour and time - leaving a giant mess for you to come back to as a pathetic protest just about sums his entire attitude up. He has the shock of his life coming. There are much, much better men than this out there, and you deserve so much more than this. He’s unwittingly overplayed his hand here, but in the long run he’s done you a huge favour. You know exactly what type of dad he’d be and you definitely want better than him for your own kids.

I agree with PP who said you will look back on this and wonder “what the fuck was I thinking “. Ask me how I know 😞

Stay away from him tonight and refuse to get drawn into conversation. Then get legal advice next week.

It sounds like you are young enough to start over, and I can promise you that you will never regret splitting up with this piss taking selfish bastard.

The mother is useless as well sadly

Dangerous, lazy and scummy. He’s a delight

Dysfunction at its finest. You are not responsible for this shit show.

The only people I know who spend 5 hrs in the gym are pensioners who have one class in the morning, lunch at the cafeteria and another class afterwards, together with tea and chats with other pensioners in between. (We get a reduced annual pass for being ancient.)

Im shocked I’ve ended up here, but there you go! Life passes you by quickly and before you know it you’re the unpaid nanny to a failed adult’s (lovely) little one.

Boiled frog

I would write her a letter. Let her know just how incompetent and unfit he is to be a parent.

She sounds just as bad as your DH, tbh. Totally irresponsible and unsuitable to be a parent.

Fucking hell. I am glued to this.

As everyone else has said- you sound absolutely amazing as does your lovely DSD.
Sending you virtual support.

prepare for “you never liked her anyways” blah blah blah. He will try and gaslight you in every way possible.

you’ve got this!x

OP, funny that he managed to find 5 hours of time to go to the gym today but not to buy bread for his own child.

That’s exactly the kind of thing my now ex husband would do when I left him with our children… he thought the fact he couldn’t cope without him would make him more appealing to stay married to. In fact it was the opposite.

Can you message the mother of this little girl and let her know she’s with an incompetent father. I hope you leave this man and find true happiness. He clearly can’t cope alone with this child 50/50. He should be able to care for her alone. This poor child doesn’t belong in a gym while her dad works out Evening. Very sad reading.

Conscious incompetence at its finest.

it will only get worse when they’re this selfish. My ex bought toddler DC a gym membership for DC, himself and DSC for DC birthday. Twat.

Sounds like a plan OP - well done on keeping DSD out of the shouting

These Men honestly enrage me!!

Even though it’s HIS daughter he still doesn’t see it as HIS job.

Get out. You can still see DSD, but I’d do it on her mom’s time to be honest, but I am petty!