Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

What a dick. Even if DSD was your joint kid and you were a SAHM doing most of the care, you would have every right to go and see your sister without a bloody guilt trip.

He is banking on your caring nature. You have no claim on this little one if it suited him he could withhold contact out of spite. Protect yourself & your emotions.

Straight out of the gaslighting DARVO textbook. It’s all your fault he has to punish you. Poor ickle man having to spend a weekend being a parent - which he failed at abysmally.

He’s a selfish pathetic wanker

He came into the spare room saying “I’ve never felt more alone in a relationship”, I said I’m tired, need to sleep. He said “doing wakeups alone with the child you said was family…”
I said don’t you dare, you felt practically alone because I didn’t swoop in this weekend and provide childcare. I’m not talking about it tonight. I want to sleep

HIS OWN CHILD! HIS FAMILY. His responsibility. Absolutely irrelevant what you said about her. You’ve been an angel to his daughter and this is how he repays you. He does not deserve you.

Have a great sleep, OP. Bolt the door if you can do so the prick can’t bother you anymore tonight. If he hasn’t cleaned up in the morning—don’t touch it! Leave the mess for him to sort out.

I’m so relieved for you that you found out what a shit dad he is before you had a child with him. So sorry for your step daughter—but at least any children you may have in future will not have this dickhead for their father.

yes, OP its worth reading up on this if you're not familiar with it. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender, and he's very clearly into it.

See also: the narcissist's prayer.

Crikey he’s bloody good at trying to guilt trip YOU?!! Unbelievable!!

One thing I learnt quite late in life is that some people, are so clever at weighing people up, and knowing exactly how to manipulate things their way and get them to do their bidding.

Well done. Hope you get some decent rest.

The absolute audacity of the man who is looking down the barrel of losing his live in Nanny. I predict some more absolute belters from him tomorrow as he tries to find the slot to put tokens into to get the irritatingly malfunctioning nanny to work again. You really interfered with his cushty social life this weekend, poor little lamb. Hold strong.

He didn't even drain the bathwater, for fucks sake.

Time to speak to your solicitor.

Full on DARVO from him.

Trying to make you feel guilty...DO NOT cave

This is so hypocritical, dishonest, manipulative, exploitative, selfish, shitty and sexist. I hate him.

As so many other people have said, this would be unacceptable even if you were her actual biological mum. The fact he treats you (and her) like this when you are her step mum beggars belief. I have a friend who was in this kind of set up and got out when the kid was the same age- she maintained a lovely close relationship with the kid and still got to see her (she was after all free childcare in the eyes of the parents!!) That child is now 20 and possibly still closer to her than she is to her dad even though they haven't lived together or been formally linked for about 15 years.

I think you said on 1st thread that house was joint

can he buy you out ?

Well done for not giving in to him. It sounds like he’s desperate for you to take over doing all the drudgery again. Stay firm.

Utterly grim.

He really is gaslighting you by trying to make you feel guilty for not being around this weekend for a child who isn’t even yours. Ffs!!!

I hope he likes paying maintenance, since he can’t parent. My exiting message to his mum would be ‘you have to not enable his shit parenting by taking dsd so he can go to the gym every night. Tell him dads look after their kids, and it’s time he learnt that.

Op I would be right on this saying now you know how I feel every day when I am left alone to look after your child who is in fact your family, your flesh and blood while you go off to the gym for hours on end. If you didn't like solo parenting this weekend, explain to me why I should enjoy doing it 7 days a week for someone I have not given birth too - she is your daughter. Now enough of this nonsense - either accept you have been woefully inadequate as a parent and husband and man up and be an active parent and husband or we are done. I have nothing to prove to you but you have everything to prove to me about why I should stay around for someone who has forgotten how to treat me as a partner and how to be a parent - I didn't sign up to be an unpaid nanny. I signed up to have a loving husband who was also a brilliant dad. You are however proving that it is entirely possible to be a shit husband and a shit dad. Do better or I'm gone.

Good luck OP - you and this little girl deserve better from this man.

This man genuinely thinks you should do most of the parenting of his child and he should be able to live like a single childfree man.

He feels alone ?? What no sorry? No I love you and really appreciate everything you do ?

Get a divorce asap and find someone who will love and cherish you because your current DH clearly doesn’t

Guessing he will be calling on mummy then aka granny

do you speak to her much. Maybe let her know

The way he’s dug his heels in so far regarding his treatment of you and dsd does not bode well. It’s good his expectations and behaviour towards you and his daughter have come to light, but like the pp I would protect yourself now and do some groundwork before confronting him with anything.
Great idea for both dsd and you to park the conversation until she is not with you.
Hope you are safe and comfy in the spare room and checking in regularly with your sister. Use the time to get good advice about next steps. Caution is good and not wasted here I think. All the very best to you.

It's the boiling frog isn't it? Little things, oh so slowly slipped onto you.

And then suddenly you release you are the responsible adult and not her Father.

When you speak to him worth asking if there was any other 5 year olds at the gym and what does he think all the adults there will be thinking of him taking his child to an unsafe fully adult environment. Is he addicted to exercise?

Ask him if he knows anyone else that goes to the gym for 3 hours every night and thinks it’s ok to leave their child with their step parent every time they visit, just because you’re married doesn’t mean that is ok. His daughter will stop wanting to come over or see him in a couple of years then he’ll end up paying full child support to the mother, who sounds shit also tho.

Also wouldn’t say to him that if he’s going to the gym that he needs to find alternative childcare other than you, he needs to stop going to the gym altogether when he has his daughter and be a proper dad and spend some time with her.

Does he ever say that he loves you? My partner goes to the gym a few times a week but it’s for an hour tops, he’s always home in time for us to eat and spend the evening together, I couldn’t imagine spending that much time away from my partner every night nor my child and he wouldn’t neither.

He really is a shit dad and partner and needs a sharp wake up call. It’s ultimatum time I would say. Rope in his parents also, they need to get on his case too, no wonder his mam says no to childcare now, she knows what he’ll be like if you split up and he’ll be asking her all the time again, which she won’t want and will back you up fully no doubt.
The man actually believes now that you’re married that you’re fully responsible for his offspring also 🤣 what a thick dickhead.

Men can be right twats, they always get their comeuppance though when their significantly better other halves remove themselves from the table! Good luck OP

Wow, trying to guilt trip you!
What a baby, couldn't cope one weekend