Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

You 100% doing the right thing but it’s such a shame DSD has two useless parents.
Hope her grandma is looking after her so you don’t have to miss work.
I hope you find happiness with another relationship in the future, but don’t settle again, you deserve to be treated with respect.

It's good you dont have kids with him OP. He'd probably want 50:50 but be trying to find women to care for your kids during his 50%.

Poor little girl, dragged about to the gym all weekend as an afterthought to 2 dysfunctional parents.
It sounds as though his mother has the measure of him if she's now refusing to do the parenting for him.
I think your relationship might still be over, but for his daughters sake I would try and liase with his mother before you leave, for both of you to tell him he is a selfish manchild who is failing his daughter, and he needs to grow up and prioritise parenting her over his gym life.

When you talk to him be clear - the problem is not his daughter or being a step mother to her, you were always willing to accept him and his child as a unit and married him on this basis.

The problem is him and his selfish neglect of his daughter - it seems that he doesn't see himself as a parent or part of a family and this has caused you to see him differently, and realise he is not the man you fell in love with, could respect or consider as a father to your children in the future. If he continues to prioritise 'networking' for some gym bro fantasy 'job' over the needs and development of his daughter, a time limited situation with no opportunity of a 'do over' then he will lose you, damage his daughter and live with his regrets when he eventually grows up and realises what his actions led to.

He sounds like an unbelievable prick. I wouldn't stay a moment longer. Well done OP. That poor little girl

Just letting you know that when I was new to Mumsnet, I had my account blocked/suspended because I made two posts along the lines of "Spotted the t....".

I hadn't realised that HQ had sent me an email warning me after the first post - I had used a different email account from my main one. They'd also sent an email after the second post.

I got it sorted out - HQ was actually very understanding when I explained and apologised.

Just mentioning this in case you've missed a warning email.

I'm glad you had a good time at your sisters. You do need out of this marriage as its not one really.

I'm not sure how a doctor can be junior to a non medic. Has Prince Charming put that in your head?
You have to be seriously clever just to get into med school (I have a trainee doctor DD). It smacks of putting you in your place.
If it helps my late father was my mum's third husband. The last and fhe best!
Good luck. X

Why wouldn’t the default have been him staying off with her, her actual parent!

apart from anything else, speciality training years are not the ones when you can afford any unnecessary days off.

My assumption is that the poor little girl has been dumped on a female member of staff in an office area.

I genuinely wasn't aware it was against guidelines. As stated in my last comment, i will respect the guidelines going forward Pinky..

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!
Not normal at all. My late dh was fine taking out dc without me.

Troll hunting is against the rules you surely know that. If you want to "question the validity" you report. And you will know that to.

I cannot argue with any of the above.

He sounds utterly blinkered, selfish, self absorbed and lazy. He is treating you like his housekeeper/nanny, just there to facilitate his lifestyle, which is all about him.

I expect he wanted 50:50 to avoid paying maintenance but always intended to parachute in a woman from somewhere to do the parenting.

I agree, that's terrible advice. Leave the child out of it.

Did he want 50:50 OP? It's strange when he seems so averse to caring for his own child. The mum sounds so crap too maybe they both fought for as little time with dd as possible so they ended up 50:50.

Fair enough. I'll respect the guidelines

It's against talk guidelines to troll hunt.

But that's not what you said Pomegranitepom. MN don't allow troll hunting. If you don't believe the OP you should have reported it. A previous poster on this thread said they have seen a young child at their gym. So it clearly does happen.

Nice to see my post got deleted just because i had a sensible question about the validity of this post. I didn't curse, slander or insult the OP. Just asked a question based on UK law. How silly.

Say isn’t it silly that Daddy couldn’t do the dishes for one weekend. He’s an adult, all adults can do their own dishes. Silly Daddy. He needs to keep trying to do better.

He's an arse, but OP shouldn't do this. She shouldn't bad talk the child's father to her or try to create division.

so the only reason he will be having dsd so much will be to avoid paying more child maintenance…not to spend time with her clearly

Where does OP mention that? Was it in the first thread? If so, that makes more sense.

He owns the gym I believe

From the previous thread

Eventually I said “if you think another woman would be more willing to act how you expect a stepmum to act, maybe you would be better off finding her, because I don’t know anyone who’d do it”
He said we need to talk about it when I get back but that he “does appreciate how much I do and how much I love DSD”

Ha, he's realised you could leave and he'd be without childcare so is soft soaping you.

OP it’s so funny that he thinks being incompetent and behaving like a child will get him what he wants. Does he know what century this is?
Had he actually given DSD a good weekend and kept the house in order I reckon you would have been pleasantly surprised and willing to work on it. He’s actually sealed his own fate.
I hope you will talk to DSD before you go? Otherwise she will blame herself. Especially as her Dad will swing it that way.
Say isn’t it silly that Daddy couldn’t do the dishes for one weekend. He’s an adult, all adults can do their own dishes. Silly Daddy. He needs to keep trying to do better.
There’s always a way to explain things in a child friendly way. (Adults used to not tell me things and it just made me feel like I wasn’t important enough to know).

Your DH says he’s never felt more alone in a relationship. Yet he leaves you every single evening in the same way. Put a mirror up to his behaviour.
He also says her step-dad doesn’t do anything for her. But her bio-dad doesn’t either!
Wishing you all the best xxx