Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

Exercise addiction doesn’t excuse the mantrums and leaving the house as a shit tip…

This says everything.

I wonder why his last relationship broke down?

it really is a mystery…

He is so in healthcare, more senior than the op 9-3. The gym ‘business’ is his hobby.

When one's a man. It would seem.

@bitterexwife I wonder if it’s ownership rather than employed? But I agree, and it sounds like it’s the dh’s hangup

Since when was owning a gym more ‘senior’ a position than someone who works in healthcare?

Well done for seeing the light but now you need to stay strong . I can see no reason why a gastro reg needs to stay off with your DSD and he can't.

You will need very firm boundaries in place if you do decide to stay. Presumably you work some weekends and he has to cover them.

Waking you up eating his late dinner stops immediately!

He really is awful. Sounds as if he's in for a shock if you carry this through.

Whoops, quoted the wrong post!

‘I’m not even sad any more’

op, when I finally had proper proof my husband of 20 years was having an affair and I ended the relationship, I was really surprised that it was only a few days later I was skipping down the street. Only with hindsight did I realise I had fallen out of love with him years previous, but I had subconsciously pushed my feelings down and just got on with stuff ‘for the kids’ like women do. This is simply a penny drop moment for you, you’ve been pushing on for the sake of the child.

Just to say, I’m so shocked at the parents of this DC and to wish you well. Stay strong. 💐

I expect he'll make sure that his next victim doesn't have financial independence.

I haven’t read every post so not sure if anyone else has mentioned this.

The gym behaviour is so strange, and it made me think… Exercise addiction is a thing. If he’s prioritising exercise to detriment of his family and personal relationships, this does fall into addiction territory.

It’s similar to an alcoholic or gambler who keeps drinking/gambling even though it’s destroying their life and the lives of those around them. And they make excuses and justify themselves, gas light and blame everyone else, deny they have a problem. But the truth is they’ll do anything to keep the addiction going. Clever addicts rope people in to prop up their dysfunction.

If this rings true, it might help you to think of it this way, as you extricate yourself.

You have to leave in the same way you can’t stay married to alcoholic, if you want to keep your sanity. The addiction will always come first, above his wife and his child.

Wishing you strength. You sound amazing.

OP your husband is a pathetic, wet lettuce and I feel so sorry for you that you’ve had to endure this selfish pig for so long.
Your poor DSD aswell, with that for a father figure.
I wish you the best of luck and a peaceful exit.

Well done for taking control. They say that life is not a dress rehearsal, so make the most of the one you’ve got. Best wishes, 💐

OP, your life will open up. Sometimes, reasoning will not work. Thank goodness you have your independence.

If he is touting for personal clients in a gym I wouldn't think they'd be happy with that as he'd be taking potential work & income from the gym.

And surely gym staff wouldn't be allowed to supervise a child whose father just brought her in like that? Unless they have some facility for children.

Are you sure he's at the gym. OP?

My BIL did that when he lost his wife. Even told me at the time he just needed another wife to be a mother, it didn't matter to him who. Quickly got another "mum" lined up and moved in within weeks which was a shock. Pregnant with another child within months/married within a year.

No surprise, the marriage failed eventually.

Good for you OP. I can't believe his response is guilt tripping you with "family" and acting the victim, instead of taking stock, apologising and saying he will change.

Taking her to the gym at all, nevermind three times! What an utter turn off poor parenting is.

Someone earlier suggested he's touting for personal training clients - if so, I do wonder where he's plonking his daughter whilst he's in the gym itself.

Op this goes to show you how little you are thought of. Your good enough to take care of her dd but not to have her mobile phone for emergencies well if you do go through with the divorce they are both in for a shock good for you. The poor girl feel sorry for her but that’s something nobody can help with.

Yeah, I once spent a couple of days cleaning a bro-type gym. Totally minging.

This is very possible, they tend to be rather germy places.
This bloke is not very bright, he's a one trick pony, his only game is to keep doubling down.
He'll be easy to defeat if you can keep your cool OP

I don’t think he owns the gym. He owns a fitness business and goes to the gym to “network”. IIRC from the first thread, this networking for hours on end has resulted in no new business.