Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

I think it changes that we don't need to worry so much about him becoming violent or dangerous when OP gives him the news, now that we know he's a relatively sane man and not some steroid-addled gym gorilla.

Not much, but as a pp said it makes his behaviour even more calculated if anything. He's a narcissistic prick for sure.

What does his intelligence have to do with the fact he's a prick?

Agreed. However we're free to make assumptions re his emotional intelligence, which seems to be zero, and is relevant!

I had often wondered about the marriages of some male NHS Consultants i had met. Couldn't imagine how they could keep a woman in a relationship unless it was coercive control or similar power/mind games.

So sorry he turned out to be one of those.

For the record I support you 100% but I still feel posters have made assumptions about your husband's intelligence. I've read all your posts btw, and certainly don't think you should share any more detail than you're comfortable with.

It doesn't change anything. I think it's actually worse that he's supposed to be intelligent because that makes his behaviour even worse.

His seniority, such as it is, is workplace related, so to me, not really relevant as this is about his lack of parenting outside his working hours. Is he really thinking of jacking in the consultant post to do gym work? Lunatic if so.

Well he would want to be very careful in how he treats you.
Any hint of aggression towards you, call the police.

You married down.
I now believe him to be a narcissist.
Medicine is full of them and divorce.

Mind yourself OP.
He can afford childcare.

OP. Please ignore that post, this is completely irrelevant! And rude, btw!

Why didn't you just say that ages ago? So many posters assuming you're the brains of the outfit and he's just a thick meathead who's intimidated by your academic success.

Anything else we need to know?

The joke goes 'What's the difference between God and a consultant?'

Reply: 'God knows that he is not a consultant.'

Do NOT be drawn back in, OP. Even after you've left, even after you've divorced, he will try to keep you on side as default childcare. Don't do it.

And btw… his gym routine is because he’s a business owner of a fitness company and thinks it’s part of his “networking” so calls it work. Work he makes zero money from.

Sounds like it's just a cover for going to the gym if he makes zero money from it

Agree, and also bear in mind this is not what men who want to be fathers do. They prioritise being with their children especially when they only get to see them 50/50.

So the man in question is a consultant and yet the way he conducts his private life well, you think he was a shit for brains low-level drug dealer 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok so if you have a full time job, as a parent, you barely spend time with your kids anyway and many people cut hours and apply for flexi time just so they can be present.
Or make a concious decision that one person will be the stay at home parent.
What you don't do, is take up an all incompassing side hussle that means you never see your child and just expect that someone else will deal with your child no questions asked and without even asking them and without even making proper childcare arrangements.
You don't decide unilaterally that your career is more important than your partners, no matter how senior you are. Your partners career is just as important to their life as it ia to yours. You don't decide everyone has to fit around you, including your child. You don't neglect your childs social and emotional needs. You don't value your time above the child and your partners. Well, you can but that ultimately ends up in divorce and your child hating you.

Ah so he’s one of the arrogant knobs of consultants who cannot ever be wrong. Or inconvenienced. Makes sense now….

Older than you? No need to answer that.

Grade A twonk.

Definitely doesn't need to be down a gym all the time.

Great - then on a consultants wage he can afford a Nanny/Au pair. You aren’t either.

Unfortunately doesn't also stop him being an arse.

I've met one or two in the last year who still think they are gods. I expect he's among their number.

Nothing excuses that. I wasn’t making excuses.

I would definitely be leaving him - he's so entitled. Good luck, OP, you are being very strong. I'm also sad for his DD - but as others have said, she has two parents and it's not your responsibility that they are both inadequate.