Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

I’m fucking speechless @seasonofthebitch

he just doesn’t get it does he??

All this saga aside OP, do you like him? Is he nice company in other ways?
Just asking because hiring a nanny for the little girl seems like an option to me (as probably quite decent income between the two of you).
I've been in a similar situation to you and it would have ended our marriage had it continued. But DH did change after many sorely fought battles and now yeah, all good 👍 if I had gone the stepchildren would really have suffered. Long story but me walking away would have been terrible for them. Anyway I am glad our issues got sorted.
So just thought, if money isn't an issue and he's actually alright aside from this, would a nanny be useful. As in a paid one and not you😆

you are doing what you need doing....you don't want to adopt that poor little girl and her mother does not even bother with you. That man, the great consultant, the heart surgeon cannot bend down to unplug a bath tub and put his own child's clothes in the 15 min cold wash. Yes, you go lady....that is not on and never should have been

This! A great many of the consultants at our local NHS hospitals do private work elsewhere, and I assume they're not skiving off to do it. Their NHS contracts will reflect their contracted hours.

Our NHS consultants get paid £140k plus private work at the local Bupa hospital.

Mr Gym Bro Senior (DH) can afford child care. He's the sort who'd look at boarding school from 8!
I'm glad you have a proper career OP, youre luckier than most. You can afford to leave this swaggering idiot.
Look into what you could afford to buy on Rightmove.
Make plans, there are nice men out there just dont move them in. Bagging a doctor works both ways!

He's a giant prick, even more so now its clear its not his main income to drum up business. He's not going to change your doing the right thing but surely you will miss his daughter. You cant stay with him for a child that isnt yours but I really feel for her :(

That doesn't mean OP isn't the "brains of the outfit", it just means that he had been out of meds school for longer!

All the update on OP's 'D' H's employment has done is make it even more clear that his gym hobby side hustle is a device to avoid being at home, doing boring life admin and caring for his child.

It is escapism, under the pretence of 'work'. If he didn't have that, likely he'd be still in a role where he could use actual work to opt-out of parenting his child.

He's an arsehole. I do hope he is shocked when you tell him he can sling his hook, you're done.

Knowing that his day job is medical consultant does change it a bit for me, inasmuch as I now think even less of him.

I had assumed he worked in fitness and had persuaded himself that all this presenteeism at the gym was him actually building his business up, and that he considered himself more 'senior' because he was a business owner and you were an employee. Now I know that's not the scenario, I think he's an even bigger wanker than I thought before.

Most of them? Lots of consultants do private work after 3pm. But all of them are entitled to work what hours they can agree a contract for. How many of us wouldn't choose 9-3 if we can afford to live on 10 hours less pay a week?

That’s a lazy generalisation the consultants I work with ( and I’m married to one) are in the main hard working and great parents .

Op did actually say ages ago he was more senior, I don’t understand your aggressive entitlement if I’m honest? What’s up with that?

Hope you are ok OP.

Hope Ofstead and employers got the memo. Employees are expected by their employers to book appointments outside office hours. Ditto schools asking parents to do the same with their kids appointments. But how can they. Not having a go at you @Bess91 The State seems to be eating itself

You did originally state that he was more senior.

Consultant or not a consultant, he’s still a bell-end.

Hope tonight goes ok, OP

I also remember Op saying he was more senior but then with all the talk of fitness clubs & gyms I started to think it referred to age😊

How does him being intelligent and successful in his career make any difference at all to the situation OP is in?

That’s mad @Bess91 !

I won't out myself where I work, but we have consultants doing similar hours to this at my hospital.

What sort of hospital consultant works from 9am to 3pm? This man seems to have it made in every aspects of his life.

OP he will likely try to guilt you into staying by using the child - a friend had something similar - what I will tell you is that my friend stayed for almost 2 years longer than she should have - when she left he had a new girlfriend installed not even 6 months later. Men like him don’t change - everyone is there for his convenience. I think you are lucky not to have children with him - he can’t be trusted ri take care of them

Keep strong for tonight xx thinking of you

He's a shit father and a shit partner. He is the central of his universe. The main character in his story.

It's such a shame when a relationship ends. You have all those dreams of how you thought it would be. I think you need to mourn that. It's not the reality, but that doesn't stop it hurting. Endings are hard but I think you will be so much better without him @seasonofthebitch. You deserve someone who sees you, loves you, values you and wants to spend time with you.