Page 11 | Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

seasonofthebitch · 2026-01-18T16:18:11+00:00

Just wanted to update the previous thread… I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage. DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”. Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD. When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too! Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

ThatCyanCat · 19/01/2026 19:44

Waking up with a child is hard work and lonely and you get to lay in bed.

Yeah, because he has a child and you haven't. What the fuck is he doing here? Guilt tripping you because he chose to take on a lifelong responsibility that you don't have, and thinking it should be your responsibility? Making you feel guilty because he has a child to parent and you haven't, as if it's your choices that caused the situation? He wouldn't have his nanny if not for you.

And he's lonely? He chooses to fuck off from his family hours every day, chooses to pester you for sex rather than cherish you so you might genuinely want it, chooses to alienate himself from his child and neglect his marriage and spend all his time pumping iron by himself and thinks it's not his fault he's lonely?

That's what happens when you treat people like appliances that don't require maintenance.The people rust up and stop doing what you acquired them to do. Whose fault is that?

Noshowlomo · 19/01/2026 19:41

MikeRafone · 19/01/2026 19:38

I never asked you to be DSD mum. But it would help if you did stuff to help with her because I would feel less lonely. Waking up with a child is hard work and lonely and you get to lay in bed.

yeah, cos it’s you that’s the dad/parent & your job

Work, DSD, gym are all hard work. Im just so exhausted and tired.

well give up the gym, the other pays the bills and your child isn’t an option

I feel lonely because I go to the gym on my own all the time. I’m trying to make a business but it’s still lonely

well perhaphs your timing is wrong, wide and child at home together both missing you

I feel lonely because when you are studying you don’t have time for me (nb: “time” here almost definitely means sex)

oh dear, yet going out every night to the gym is ok

thing is this lot above is his “attack” rather than defend, make you out to be a bad mother, bad wife and it’ll cover his short comings as a shit parent and user of anyone to babysit

If write this down OP and text it to him when he starts to go off on one again.
Fact is you’ve been lonely for ages whilst he prioritises the gym over his daughter. She is his baby, his DNA. He should be happy he gets her 50% and what a lovely opportunity that is to do special daddy daughter things.
PRICK

Flinderskleepers · 19/01/2026 19:41

It's scary that this freak man is a doctor....

God I hope he's not a psychiatrist. Or a paediatrician.

PullTheBricksDown · 19/01/2026 19:40

So he said
But it would help if you did stuff to help with her because I would feel less lonely

You could write a list a mile long of the stuff you do to help with her. What does he think sitting in with her every night while he hangs out with the boyz at the gym is?

Waste of space, shit dad. I hope I'm never unlucky enough to see him in his capacity as a consultant because he'll probably only be half listening while dreaming of going to the gym later. That poor kid.

DaisyChain505 · 19/01/2026 19:39

My God he is a man child. He’s lonely because he has to wake up with his daughter when she only lives with him half the time?

What does he think parents who live together still do when their child wakes up. They don’t both jump out of bed and do every single bit of parenting together. They take it in turns and share the load. That’s the norm when the child belongs to both adults however in this situation the child isnt yours and he only has to worry about parenting half of the time yet still expects you to do it.

Shuufty · 19/01/2026 19:39

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:09

I had to walk out the house mid conversation.

As I’m still in training, I had exams recently, and spent a lot of time studying for them (obviously). This led me to being “less available” for babysitting, general day to day talking about DP or checking in with him.

i started saying “I love dsd, I’ve been happy to help when i can but I feel like that’s been taken advantage of and to be honest i feel like my parenting values do not align with yours. I feel disrespected, undermined, under appreciated and mostly just really unhappy. I can’t see how this can be resolved.”

DP seemingly heard none of this and launched into a monologue

Specifically he said:

I never asked you to be DSD mum. But it would help if you did stuff to help with her because I would feel less lonely. Waking up with a child is hard work and lonely and you get to lay in bed.
Work, DSD, gym are all hard work. Im just so exhausted and tired.
I feel lonely because I go to the gym on my own all the time. I’m trying to make a business but it’s still lonely
I feel lonely because when you are studying you don’t have time for me (nb: “time” here almost definitely means sex)
I feel lonely because you never once ask me how things are going at the training gym. You’re not interested. I feel like I do stuff to provide a nice life for us and you don’t see it.
sleeping with earplugs in is dismissive

Ive never been more open mouthed. I didn’t have the words. I just got my keys and walked out the house. I didn’t even understand what was being said to me.

To clarify, I do sleep with earplugs in as he snores, I was preoccupied with my exams but still slept with him and gave him sex when he pestered me for it. And no I don’t ask about his gym stuff, mainly because it’s a hindrance in our life.

There’s no discussion to be had. Hes doubling down and rewriting everything like in the selfish one.

Ok. You're unhappy, he's unhappy. If what you are trying to achieve at this point is breaking up with him then arguably this works for you. It's infuriating, enraging to be accused of something you are innocent of BUT if what you want is out, he is working towards that aim not against it at the moment.

Eyes on what you want to achieve here.

MikeRafone · 19/01/2026 19:38

I never asked you to be DSD mum. But it would help if you did stuff to help with her because I would feel less lonely. Waking up with a child is hard work and lonely and you get to lay in bed.

yeah, cos it’s you that’s the dad/parent & your job

Work, DSD, gym are all hard work. Im just so exhausted and tired.

well give up the gym, the other pays the bills and your child isn’t an option

I feel lonely because I go to the gym on my own all the time. I’m trying to make a business but it’s still lonely

well perhaphs your timing is wrong, wide and child at home together both missing you

I feel lonely because when you are studying you don’t have time for me (nb: “time” here almost definitely means sex)

oh dear, yet going out every night to the gym is ok

thing is this lot above is his “attack” rather than defend, make you out to be a bad mother, bad wife and it’ll cover his short comings as a shit parent and user of anyone to babysit

Original poster

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:38

I never thought I’d be strong enough to walk away but I know I will now.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/01/2026 19:37

His selfishness and self-delusion (or perhaps just desire to pull the wool over your eyes?) really know no bounds.

I’m not sure how you can come back from this?

It’s just awful.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/01/2026 19:37

For 'lonely' read:

'theres no one here to cheer-lead and award me with a Chufty Badge for doing the shit I should be doing as a parent and functioning adult'.

That's his issue. He has his head so far up his arse he can't even begin to spot your issue!

Original poster

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:33

I’m sitting in the car in disbelief, there was no shouting, but it was just so odd.

My “ah-ha” moment was actually 2 weeks before my exams when I got quinsy and had to stay in hospital overnight. DH said he felt like I didn’t want him there (i actually just asked him to leave whilst they drained the cyst). Got home the next day, sat with DSD, and then studied. And I just thought fuck this life. So maybe I have been more distant with him who knows.

It’s not the fucking issue though. If I was cared for, appreciated and felt like I was his actual wife I wouldn’t have been distant.

im in work tomorrow and family far away so cant get there. Will just go back before he gets back from the gym, set myself up in the spare room and try to sleep. Divorce lawyers emails were sent on my break at work.

Feels surreal. Not even cried yet.

OP posts:

TheEverlastingPorridge · 19/01/2026 19:33

He is "lonely" getting up with his daughter and spending time with her?! What a bell-end

Summerhut2025 · 19/01/2026 19:32

seasonofthebitch · 19/01/2026 19:09

I had to walk out the house mid conversation.

As I’m still in training, I had exams recently, and spent a lot of time studying for them (obviously). This led me to being “less available” for babysitting, general day to day talking about DP or checking in with him.

i started saying “I love dsd, I’ve been happy to help when i can but I feel like that’s been taken advantage of and to be honest i feel like my parenting values do not align with yours. I feel disrespected, undermined, under appreciated and mostly just really unhappy. I can’t see how this can be resolved.”

DP seemingly heard none of this and launched into a monologue

Specifically he said:

I never asked you to be DSD mum. But it would help if you did stuff to help with her because I would feel less lonely. Waking up with a child is hard work and lonely and you get to lay in bed.
Work, DSD, gym are all hard work. Im just so exhausted and tired.
I feel lonely because I go to the gym on my own all the time. I’m trying to make a business but it’s still lonely
I feel lonely because when you are studying you don’t have time for me (nb: “time” here almost definitely means sex)
I feel lonely because you never once ask me how things are going at the training gym. You’re not interested. I feel like I do stuff to provide a nice life for us and you don’t see it.
sleeping with earplugs in is dismissive

Ive never been more open mouthed. I didn’t have the words. I just got my keys and walked out the house. I didn’t even understand what was being said to me.

To clarify, I do sleep with earplugs in as he snores, I was preoccupied with my exams but still slept with him and gave him sex when he pestered me for it. And no I don’t ask about his gym stuff, mainly because it’s a hindrance in our life.

There’s no discussion to be had. Hes doubling down and rewriting everything like in the selfish one.

Yes you get to lie in bed OP because you don’t have any children yet, people with children don’t get to lie in bed - which is him! It’s like he resents that you don’t have kids to look after like him and is jealous and is punishing you by making you do what he should be doing! Unbelievable.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/01/2026 19:30

Well he’s gonna be more lonely isn’t he when you leave

olympicsrock · 19/01/2026 19:25

Here’s a solution to his loneliness - spend more time with his daughter and wife rather than at the gym.

Here’s a solution to you not being interested in what he has to say - he needs to not just talk about the gym and himself.

Here’s a solution to his money worries . Stop pissing about at the gym “networking” and do some more hours in his proper job.

Really he is a self absorbed prick . There is no hope here …

Summerhut2025 · 19/01/2026 19:25

Doubledenim305 · 19/01/2026 19:09

All this saga aside OP, do you like him? Is he nice company in other ways?
Just asking because hiring a nanny for the little girl seems like an option to me (as probably quite decent income between the two of you).
I've been in a similar situation to you and it would have ended our marriage had it continued. But DH did change after many sorely fought battles and now yeah, all good 👍 if I had gone the stepchildren would really have suffered. Long story but me walking away would have been terrible for them. Anyway I am glad our issues got sorted.
So just thought, if money isn't an issue and he's actually alright aside from this, would a nanny be useful. As in a paid one and not you😆

I don’t think he needs a nanny he needs to be there more for his daughter not just pay someone else to look after her or expect his wife to do it.

OP why on earth is that gym so important when he earns more than enough in his day job, I think he needs to put that business aside until his daughter is older and needs him less and then concentrate on a gym business, surely he must realise he can’t maintain his relationship with you and his daughter being there all the time instead of with yous, it’s crazy.

ThejoyofNC · 19/01/2026 19:24

You can't reason with stupid. He will try every trick in the book to keep his free nanny so be prepared OP. Once he realises the sad act isn't working, he'll move on to any other tactic he can cook up.

BettysRoasties · 19/01/2026 19:22

He gets worse and worse with every post.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 19/01/2026 19:21

Well he is making your decision easier.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/01/2026 19:20

His arrogance never fails to shock us!

This is SO over. I hope you get all your ducks in a row ASAP and get the divorce done. Men like him are not capable of seeing themselves as being in the wrong, nor are they capable of change.

PinkPhonyClub · 19/01/2026 19:18

So in summary - all about him and even everything you’ve done to date still isn’t enough. Don’t you know he is the centre of the solar system?

TBH the doubling down is better than claiming he will change and then inevitably not - the marriage ending audacity speaks for itself.

realityslapsyou · 19/01/2026 19:17

You don't get to have your say because he doesn't care what you think or feel.

In his head, his comments are telling you that you have been a bad bad partner, so now it's time for you to behave and do what HE wants.

He will never change. I hope you find a safe and happy way out OP.

herefortheclicks · 19/01/2026 19:17

Doubledenim305 · 19/01/2026 19:09

All this saga aside OP, do you like him? Is he nice company in other ways?
Just asking because hiring a nanny for the little girl seems like an option to me (as probably quite decent income between the two of you).
I've been in a similar situation to you and it would have ended our marriage had it continued. But DH did change after many sorely fought battles and now yeah, all good 👍 if I had gone the stepchildren would really have suffered. Long story but me walking away would have been terrible for them. Anyway I am glad our issues got sorted.
So just thought, if money isn't an issue and he's actually alright aside from this, would a nanny be useful. As in a paid one and not you😆

Why? Only for the money???

Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife · 19/01/2026 19:15

It's posts like these where we really need a 😲 button! Unbelievable!

JoshLymanSwagger · 19/01/2026 19:14

So he's lonely because he's leaving you to look after his child while he goes to the gym?

Poor diddums. Maybe if he'd put some effort in with you rather than his gym fetish, he wouldn't be lonely.

Stay strong. He can choose to present whatever narrative he wants, but you know the truth.