Dh always irritated by Dd

Of course you can still tell her not to do this. How on earth else will she learn?

OK you’re both wrong!

His tutting and harrumphing is terrible. Your passive nonsense is too. It’s closer to fine but not there. She may be impulsive and can’t help that. She can be taught to immediately solve whatever she broke, effectively. I never criticised or grasped at DD with ADHD. I did instantly work with her to fix things. There were red lines of course like hitting. But anything impulsive would be her working out how to fix it. Natural consequences. To the point where, by about six, I could say “DD?” and point at the mess or whatever, and she would go and get the tea towel.

Work with your DH to develop consistent, loving, boundaried parenting.

Why does her diagnosis mean she has to throw food on the floor and that she's immune from discipline?

Rubbish, it sounds like he just plain doesn't like her to me. How are passive aggressively pulling faces, tutting and rolling his eyes helping anything? How is that parenting? He might not be able to help feeling over whelmed by her energy/behaviour but he can certainly help the passive aggressive nonsense. She picked up the banana as soon as she was told so what was the issue?

Telling someone to 'calm down' never makes anyone feel calmer, it's just a stupid thing to say. It sounds like she could do with being out more at clubs, swimming lessons or at the park burning off energy, is that a possibility OP?

You said a few posts ago that you don't know but just guess that PP makes her behave badly ("it’s hard to know if this causes the behaviour"). Now you know for sure she can't control her behaviour? What did you learn since starting the thread?

So what's your solution? Let her run wild with no discipline?? No wonder your DH is pissed off. The teen years will be fun and no doubt your marriage will he fractured if not over by then!

Why do you think she can't help it?

I think it really depends on the behaviour - running around and being noisy and throwing food is annoying and I'd probably tell her to calm down too, especially if it's getting towards the end of the day. It's fine for children to let off steam but after dinner was always 'quiet time' for my kids, basically winding down at the end of the day, playing quietly or reading stories, doing jigsaws or lego, not charging round the house! You and your DH need to decide on your house rules and be on the same page. In my experience, if your child sees you not presenting a united front, they soon learn to play one parent off against each other!

7 is still so young and yes can be a hyper age, but at the same time you worry where the line is between kids being kids or others seeing your kids as out of control. I’d say your dh just wants her to settle down, but he’s kind of wishing her older in a way? I don’t think there’s an easy answer tbh!

I agree with the pp, she can absolutely help throwing food around, she just isn't being brought up not to. I think you are being unreasonable here and need to do a better job parenting her.

What's PP?
I've got an autistic child with development delay. He can't help having a melt down when he is overstimulated in a supermarket. I don't punish him when he is crying and panicking, that he can't help and he needs understanding and calm in them moments.
He probably wouldn't understand throwing food and laughing is socially unacceptable and is disrespectful, he wouldn't known until being told repeatedly that it was wrong and having to face consequences for it. There's no excuse to not parent your child, disrespectful behaviour for fun needs parenting out of children. Even more so if they're SEN because it takes them longer to learn.

What is PP?

At seven, she can absolutely control herself enough not to throw half-eaten food all over the floor. If not, there is something else going on (either poor parenting or some kind of behavioural or developmental issue).

I agree!

Are you sure she really can’t help throwing something on the floor or she just gets a pass from you?

I suspect he’s ND too and gets easily overwhelmed

No idea what PP might be?

Either way teaching your child that actions have consequences is a basic parental responsibility

What's pp

@Nowheretoputallthetoys i’d be irritated by this too. We had friends for new year with their 8 year old and he couldn't sit still and the parents didn’t parent just let him run ragged and throw things. Kids need boundaries and to learn to calm down and sit still.

Sounds like he doing some actual parenting when she’s misbehaving and you need to do more of it…

My guess is that he gets berated by the OP if he tells her off.

I’d really struggle with this behaviour going unchecked. If she’s ND it’s all your job to teach her how to behave.

What's the husband teaching her by making stupid faces, tutting and shaking his head? That's not parenting.