Am I expecting too much from my DP

29 replies

Allaboutthegirliguess · 18/01/2026 09:49

I was diagnosed with cancer. Had surgery and am now at the stage of looking at reconstruction. Went with my DP to a show and tell.
First hour together. Men and women. Second half separated. At the separated stage all the men went but he left and waited outside in the car.

I feel really let down by this. He says he left because he felt he got the information he needed, knew what it would entail and was uncomfortable being with strangers in an emotional environment. I get that but he could have gained inside knowledge whilst sitting in the back quietly.

I have hardly stopped crying since. He has been an amazing support so far. But always in his comfort zones when he had a choice. Of course there have been times he hasn't had choices.

Part of me feels extremely unreasonable, but I cant control this feeling of hurt and let down. I hate feeling angry about it as he doesn't deserve that after all we have been through. But its not stopping me feeling like this.

Any advice on moving forward. Its hardly three biggest battle we have had to face through this journey but it has knocked for 6.

OP posts:

FuzzyWolf · 18/01/2026 10:02

I hope the surgery goes well.

I think you are transferring the emotions you feel about having cancer onto his actions which isn’t fair.

Greengagesnfennel · 18/01/2026 10:01

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

I voted Yabu not because I think you are unreasonable to feel upset. But I think your interpretation of his action as meaning he doesn’t care or want to help is wrong. It sounds like he didn’t feel like he could cope with the situation - talking to other men about you and him and how it is right now.

On the face of it he doesn’t sound completely unreasonable, and it doesn’t make sense you are so upset - so there must be a deeper reason. And this has perhaps triggered it? Is it that you feel he is avoiding feeling all the emotions whilst you have to deal with them all the time and everything else? Or something else?

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 18/01/2026 09:56

I understand where you're coming from, but you are being unreasonable.

He has been an amazing support, and was there with you for the first part of the talk to support you, he just declined speaking to a bunch of strangers about his personal feelings. I think that's a perfectly acceptable boundary to have.

This one time was about him and his feelings, it sounds like he's there being supportive when its about you and your feelings, which is the main thing.

I hope the surgery goes well 💐

toomuchfaff · 18/01/2026 09:56

Hand hold - You're half way there, you know YABU but you're also going through very big feelings at the minute, so try to remember so you dont forget; you can't control how he reacts to a situation, you only control how you react; you dont know what hes going through in all this but you do know that hes doing a helluva lot to be your support. He is going to have some massive (uncontrollable, insurmountable emotions in all this) and he did give a glimpse into his reasoning and that might be all there is too it - a room full of strangers and a lot of emotions.

One step at a time.

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