Aunty visits?

Sorry they are someone else’s children- yours. I’m only vaguely interested in other people’s children. Including nieces and nephews and close friends children. I love them, but they aren’t that interesting, when I didn’t have kids I didnt see them that often and would often see the parents to go out in the evening. I am extremely interested in my own children.

We have one sib between us (out of 6) who makes a big effort to see our children. They are doted on by their uncle and he comes round at least twice per week, is happy to babysit when we are out and will probably come on holiday when they are older. But it’s unusual, I don’t see friends with this relationship and it’s because my bil is really close to my husband and won’t have children of his own.

I think you are expecting way too much. Our siblings hardly ever see our kids...

I would maybe check that more isn't going on, if you were close before.

You,re unreasonable. She,s just enjoying her busy life. Be happy for her! 🤩

What I'm hearing here is that you're sorry for your kids that they're seeing less of someone they love and is v precious to them. I really understand the value of these relationships. I'm really lucky that my sister (who doesn't have her own children) is a very loving and supportive aunt, and I'm all for the different skills, views and love that wider family and friends can bring to one's children and life in general. I wonder if you let your sister know how much she means to your children if it would help? Rather than it being something she owes you and your family, approaching it from the angle of how much you value her and would love to see more of her if possible?

The OP might not be enjoying this thread but I feel a whole lot better. Thanks folks, I've always felt quite guilty but honestly, it's so hard as you do feel like you're interupting family life and limited spare time.

The unpalatable truth, OP is that other people's children - even nephews or nieces that you love - are really kind of boring, especially at these ages. No longer tiny adorable wee things, but not yet good conversationalists and generally interested in a lot of activities an adult is bored stiff by.

I've done it before and after having my own kids. I have more patience with that age group now that my own are adults than before I had any of my own, but I still must admit to being rather bored.

The only people I know who see a lot of their uncles and aunts are doing so because the cousins want to play together.

If she's seeing them more than a few times a year I think she's doing well.

but you do believe that though. You believe that a childfree woman can never be as busy as a mother. It’s simply not true and perhaps that belief rubs off on her. Or, she actually is busier than you.

My kids auntie also lives 10 mins away, see them maybe every 2 months. Never calls, or asks about them.
She does love them, just doesn't have much time for them. Kids would absolutely love to see her more often.
I think that's pretty normal.
She has no kids.

But you’re clearly making that judgement.

I would never say this to her, it’s 100% her choice to see me and the kids or not. It’s her life.

It’s this attitude that is making her stay away. It’s very draining to be told all the time that “You don’t know what busy/tired/stressed is until you have kids”.

For me, weekly contact would be a lot.
But also I don’t think that it should feel like they are an after thought in her life. Meeting as much as once a month is good I think

She's busy.

Other people's kids and their activities aren't all that

I assumed that when my neices/nephews became older teens I'd be taking them out,giving them lifts etc to help out, as well as spend time with them. But sadly they think it would be weird to be with me and not their mum so it hasn't happened. And general family days out haven't been suggested or made welcome. Maybe you need to ask her to do specific things, maybe she feels hesitant to ask? Probably not, but that's my experience.

I don't have children. Like fuck am I spending the precious free time I have going on childrens days out. Once a month is more than I'd offer. I think your expectations are wild really.

Great, but I'm not quite sure what this has to do with my post or why you quoted me? Or are you agreeing with me and directing your post to OP?

Adding that the DC’s ages may well be a factor. I have a goddaughter, and godmother is a role I did actually choose to take on, unlike aunt. The baby and early toddler years were fine because she didn’t really take much to amuse; and now that she’s 12 she’s a delight who I can have a sensible and interesting conversation and do cool stuff with. But there was a loooong period in the middle where spending time with her was definitely more of a chore and a duty than desire on my part, because my capacity for playing imaginary games, or listening to a jumbled monologue about Roblox, or of the plot of a cartoon movie I hadn’t watched, or feigning interest in what her friends Elsie and Sophie had been doing at playtime (kid, I barely care about what you were doing at playtime; imagine how I feel about Elsie and Sophie) was predictably low.

That you’ve said, OP, that your sister was closer to the DC when they were very small, does suggest that for the time being she very probably feels the same way, and the dynamic may well shift in time. Keep up the relationship with your sister, value the time she does spend with you all, and keep communication open. At 5 and 7, any lengthy period of time with them likely still involves some whingeing, some unreasonableness, some bad behaviour when they get overstimulated, a routine which has to be adhered to quite keenly to avoid overhunger / overtiredness. That’s a lot, when you aren’t used to it.

perhaps she'd like to take them out individually somewhere that she's interested in - museum/formula 1/parkrun/cinema, whatever now they're a bit older.

Equally, perhaps she might not. Taking two young kids out can be expensive and quite hard work.

What did you and her do together before you had kids, apologies if you've answered this and I have missed it?

do you make the effort to visit her, or do something she might like rather than expecting her to fit in with your plans? both alone (as sisters) occasionally but also with the DC? I know it's slightly different because you only live 10 mins away but my siblings had DC before me and it was always me who was expected to travel to them - they never once bothered to come to me.

It's fairly understandable she and her DH might not want to come along to the family day out to the local trampoline park or whatever but perhaps she'd like to take them out individually somewhere that she's interested in - museum/formula 1/parkrun/cinema, whatever now they're a bit older.

I don't have young kids any more but the thought that I 'should' give up my precious free time to go to places full of children because a relative thought I should be spending more time with her kids fills me with dread! Especially if she was expecting me to pay for the privilege (eg £25 for a zoo) or help with childcare 😂.

If you want her to see your kids more, invite her round for lunch/dinner/takeaway. Obviously you can suggest day trips out but I would say if she did that once a year, that would be pretty good going.

People without kids enjoy their weekends too you know. It's their time off work when they want to do things they enjoy.

I have probably forgotten how dull day trips can be.

I doubt it’s boredom or anything, I think when you live close to family you somehow end up making less effort to see them as you assume you’ll see them very soon. And busy lives now mean you get to a weekend and plan to do things and don’t/ have too much on. My db and his kids are only half an hour away and we see my family from two hours away more because we all have to make the effort!!

This is unfair. I'm single, no kids
I work full time in the NHS, including a weekly on-call which could have me out for 12+ hours. Outside of work I care for two vulnerable adults, one with dementia and one with a significant learning disability. I also have a part time cleaning job at the weekend.
I'm active and like to go to the gym, I have my own house to clean and maintain myself, and have the usual daily tasks that all adults have (cooking, laundry, making appointments, grocery shopping etc).

I would say that my life is a lot busier than some "mums with kids". There are also mums that would be busier than me. It's not a competition, and there is no way you can make a judgement on how busy someone's life is based on whether they have kids or not.

I can see why she doesn’t want to spend much time with you, if this is the way you think of her.

Whether she is busy or not is entirely irrelevant. Your life with your kids isn’t more important than her single life.

Your life choices should have zero impact on her life. Why should she give up a load of her time because you chose to have a family?