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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about DH prioritising nephews and nieces over our child

111 replies

suziequeue1 · 17/01/2026 23:57

My husband’s sister has 4 kids. My husband absolutely spoils them, which I’ve never had an issue with. Like SPOILSSS THEM. I’m currently pregnant with our first child.

The issue is that his sister is honestly the stingiest person I know. She doesn’t even buy my husband a birthday gift once a year at least to just show him appreciation for all he does for her kids. This came up in conversation recently and I said it would be interesting to see how she treats our child (her first ever niece), considering how generous my husband is with her kids.

I said I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t buy our child birthday gifts, and if that ended up being the case, I think my husband would need to reconsider how much he spoils her kids. My thinking is if someone shows they don’t care about your child, that naturally affects how much effort you put in for theirs.

My husband got really offended by this and said it wouldn’t be fair to “punish the kids” because of his sister’s behaviour. I understand that, but I’m struggling to understand how you wouldn’t be hurt or offended if someone clearly didn’t care about your child.

I told him that if my sister treated our child like that, I wouldn’t be going out of my way for her kids either. (For context, my sister is the complete opposite - very generous and extremely excited to be an aunt, so I’m sure the difference will be obvious to him).

Now I’m left feeling unsettled and even questioning how much my husband will prioritise our own child, since he seems so defensive of his nieces and nephews.

So AIBU to be stressing about this and worrying where my child will fall in his priorities, or am I overthinking it? Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones but this is keeping me up atm. Maybe I’m crazy and overthinking!

OP posts:
McSpoot · 18/01/2026 00:06

Your title and your post don't really match.

Is it an issue if your husband spends so much money/time on his niece and nephew that it distracts from how much money/time he has for your child? Yes.

Should how much money/time your husband spends on this niece and nephew be a tit-for-tat with his sister? No.

lazyarse123 · 18/01/2026 00:06

He can treat both his own child and nieces and nephews equally. As he says it's not the kids fault. If it's a case of finances he'll have to work it so no one misses out.

SpoonBaloon · 18/01/2026 00:05

It’s ridiculous to be worrying before your child is even born. Are you going to be analysing his relationship with the children forever from now on?

I was the first child in the family and very close to my uncles. I had loving parents and grandparents but my uncles were always incredibly generous.

They of course stepped back slowly when their own children were born and their lives changed.

GardenCovent · 18/01/2026 00:05

YABU, you seem to be placing a lot of importance on the monetary value of the spoiling, eg calling her stingy.
Your DH sounds like a decent man, I’d stop telling him what he has to do. He can treat his nephews and nieces the way he wishes

Rachie1973 · 18/01/2026 00:05

What makes you think he’ll prioritise them over his own child? He seems a generous man with lots of love to go around.

I agree with him, kids shouldn’t be transactional. He loves them and wants to spoil them, regardless of their mother’s lack of interest.

ForCoralScroller · 18/01/2026 00:04

I think it's lovely how he loves being an uncle, just wait and see how he loves being a dad.. things will change

Original poster
suziequeue1 · 18/01/2026 00:04

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 18/01/2026 00:01

I get that you’re worrying but it sounds like he just wants to give these kids a nice things because their mum is so stingey. I spoil my nieces and nephews and did a lot before we had kids, the great thing about nieces and nephews is that you get to hand them back at the end of the day. I love them, but there’s no question where my priorities lie and it’s always with my own kids. I’m sure your husband will feel the same.

Oh I should have been clearer. She’s not stingey with her own kids and herself and her husband. She also spoils her kids rotten. She is stingey with everyone else. He is extremely close to his nieces and nephews and his sister jokes that they love him more than their own dad because of how much he spoils them.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 18/01/2026 00:04

His attitude is more mature than yours, I’m afraid. It is wrong to punish the children for their mother’s actions, so I’m not sure why you’ve highlighted that; it’s just true. I also think it’s strange for you to be jealous on behalf of your child who isn’t even born yet. I think you need to calm down before you do serious damage to your relationships.

Butterflywings84 · 18/01/2026 00:03

I think you are confusing two things. Generosity is not the same as affection. Just because someone doesn’t lavish you with gifts doesn’t mean they don’t care about you and can show that in different ways. I think you have to wait and see how she actually behaves with your child. But you will also need to remember that she already has 4 kids and so your dc will not be the novelty for her that her dcs have been for your husband. It doesn’t need to be a competition. Also you might find your dh changes his approach once your dc is here. Definitely not something to stress and argue about right now.

Laurabeee · 18/01/2026 00:02

I would only worry about this if it actually happens which I think is unlikely. Pregnancy can make you question lots of things but try to enjoy it as much as you can and don’t let hypothetical situations take anything anyway from you. It’s great that he cares about his sister’s kids so much, he will most likely absolutely adore his own. Once baby is here hopefully all this melts away!

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 18/01/2026 00:01

I get that you’re worrying but it sounds like he just wants to give these kids a nice things because their mum is so stingey. I spoil my nieces and nephews and did a lot before we had kids, the great thing about nieces and nephews is that you get to hand them back at the end of the day. I love them, but there’s no question where my priorities lie and it’s always with my own kids. I’m sure your husband will feel the same.