To worry about DH prioritising nephews and nieces over our child

It’s easy to get yourself in knots over things like this especially when you’re pregnant hormonal and over tired. I get that this is so irritating and rude of his sister but try to breath out and let it go for now as the only person it’s hurting is you and your stress levels! Your DH sounds like a decent person and he’s right why should he withdraw something from his beloved nieces and nephews because of their mum. I think you just need to focus on you and your baby and your own family unit. Maybe your SIL will surprise you, maybe she won’t but ultimately it’s not something that has come to pass yet so you don’t need to spend ages dwelling on how you will or won’t deal with it if it even happens.

Sometimes our brains just cling onto the “what ifs” almost as a way to find something specific to attach our anxious feelings to. Might be worth speaking to your midwife if you are having a lot of anxiety in general at the moment. I have suffered on and off with anxiety my whole life so speaking from that experience, there is help out there.

he calls them everyday? That’s a bit strange tbh

She may not buy presents but she might show adoration to your child in other ways/ you’ve spiralled with the assumptions. Just because your husband is OTT doesn’t mean she’s the devil auntie.

I mean, calling them every day is very weird?! I would question whether that can continue to the same extent when you have a child and that maybe he should consider reducing it so it’s not a big shock when baby comes and all his time is (rightly so) directed to his own child.

Aw he just wants to spoil his nieces and nephews. It’s normal. absolutely nothing to suggest he’s not prioritising his kids.
its not transactional… who cares if his sister doesn’t buy your kids loads of gifts??

You've said what was on your mind and that's obviously upset him. I'd leave that now and concentrate on your pregnancy and your relationship. You're right about SIL but saying anything more will just cause problems, your partner will see what's happening with her and realise his own family are more important.
Frame your scan picture, talk about wondering what the baby will look like in the future, ask to see photos of your husband when he was little, talk about what your child will enjoy doing, ask your partner what their favourite childhood memories are and talk about a plan to do those things with baby once old enough. Plan a a little holiday while you're still pregnant, get the baby's room decorated, get your husband to choose a little coat or outfit for coming home from the hospital or first trip out, and get excited about your family. All these things are wonderful memories in the making, and will make you concentrate on your family and your future together. Your SIL is always going to be there, as are the nieces and nephews, and they will always be part of your partner's life and she's not going to change. Part of why you love him is probably his generosity and love of family, so gently change his focus, but don't show jealousy as that will kill your relationship. There's nothing like being told to love something that will put you off.

How utterly weird that your husband rings his nieces and nephews every day. Why does he do this?
I'd be worried too if I was you!

And for his sister never even to bother buy him a present is awful.

I don’t think we have the whole story here. Is your DH a lot older than you? You say he calls his nieces/nephews “every day” - that sounds like they’re older?? Has he perhaps been making up for the fact that he hadn’t had kids of his own, up
until now? What is going on in your life to make you feel insecure about your DH’s relationship with his extended family?

Good luck with everything moving forward.

I could have written a post very similar to yours op, my DH dotes on his sisters kids like this, spends hundreds of ££s each year on them and I can see it never getting reciprocated and it bugs me!

One thing you can be absolutely sure of though if your DH is like that with them, imagine how he will be with his own kids. I think he will settle down now and start soiling your own little one instead.

Your title is totally misleading. Your husband isn’t remotely prioritising his nieces and nephews over your own unborn child and has shown no sign of it from what is in your post.

What you’re really upset about is that he won’t start reducing how he treats his nieces and nephews if their aunt is similarly generous with your child when born. This has nothing to do with whether he prioritises his own children or not, this just tells you if he will penalise the children for the behaviour of their mother. He has said he won’t. He doesn’t want it to affect his relationship with her children. Totally reasonable and YABVU.

why are you worrying about something that might not happen/hasnt happened? You haven’t even given birth yet. Yabu and very immature.

You don't give to receive and your husband is right, it isn't fair to curtail his innate generosity to his nephews and nieves because their mum isn't as generous and probably won't be as forth coming with your child.

You need to give your brain a shake good on him being a great uncle that has absolutely nothing to do with your child or his sister. There totally different relationships and as regards children you can never have to many good adults on there side

Stop comparing. He probably won't "love our child as much I do”, but so what? he seems like a kind and generous man, and I'm sure he'll be a good father regardless of whether he meets your exacting standards.

I’m not getting the issue you’re seeing here at all

Relax and address what you need to address once the child is here. You are overthinking at this stage.

I think just because their mum is a bit crap doesn’t mean your DH shouldn’t be fostering his relationship with his nieces and nephews. I think it reflects really well on him as a person tbh.

My pregnancies turned me into a capybara! I was so placid and Zen. Every day my little brain was humming, "Everything's so lovely and nice, every little thing's gonna be all right." I had no worries. I miss being in that state.

Human relationships shouldn't operate on a quid pro quo basis, and children are not extensions of their parents. You don't punish a child for the crimes of its parent. If your SIL fails to lavish gifts on your little one, and your little one grows up to be quite materialistic, they may decide to have nothing to do with their aunt. On the other hand, their aunt may bring other, non-material benefits into their life that your little one will appreciate.

In any case, your SIL's stinginess is irrelevant to your DH's relationship with his nieces and nephews. Naturally he loves them more than you do. They're his blood. You seem to see them more as tokens on the board of some complicated point scoring game, while he seems to see them as people in their own right.

In short, it's not very nice to keep a mental ledger calculating the value of how much you receive from people and making sure you give exactly the same in return. Your husband sounds like a loving and generous man, and I'm sure he will love and spoil your own child even more than his nieces and nephews, because that's clearly in his nature. Your child is very lucky, and hopefully she'll have a great relationship with her passle of cousins too.

I would say it’s hormones - you become so protective of your future baby.

Your only concern seems to be money: your husband spending more money on SILs children than SIL will spend on yours and so think the children should be punished. I hope you don't pass on your toxic values as well as your genes.

This makes me think of a neighbour we had, we were good friends with her children and her and my Mum were good friends. It became a tradition that on Christmas and Easter we didn't exchange gifts but selection boxes and easter eggs. She had 3 children and we had 4, so our Mum gave 3 each one for each child, our neighbour also gave 3 presumably because thats what her family was receiving even though there was 4 of us. They were well off, it seemed more like a principal thing or some weird sense of equality. As child #4 in the family I always noticed and felt slighted, I mentioned it to my oldest brother and it was barely a blip in his memory.

Still to this day whenever I think of her, I just think how bizarre it was. Gifts aren't just a transfer of the same amount of money back and forth, there will always be an inequity.

I think you are worrying about nothing here, your husband sounds like a kind and generous man who loves children, so your child will be the apple of his eye at the same time as him being a good uncle. As for the sister’s stinginess just make it into a family joke!

He loves his nieces and nephews. He loves you. He loves his sister. Why is it a competition? And love isn't (shouldn't be) transactional.

Ouch OP! This previous thread of yours doesn’t paint you in a very nice light.

From the two threads, you do seem quite obsessed with this woman. Her life and how she chooses to live it, is nothing to do with you.

Just because your husband spoils his nieces and nephews doesn’t mean he’s not going to spoil or love your baby when he/she arrives. I’m sure your husband will be besotted with your baby.

If your SIL doesn’t gift your baby any presents when he/she is born - so fucking what? Life’s too short for this.

I’m afraid if you carry on thinking like this you’re going to make yourself ill. My advice to you would to get a hobby. Something to do at home whilst on maternity. Colouring, knitting, crocheting, painting, diamond art, puzzles etc. and whenever you start to have anxious or obsessive thoughts about your SIL you can turn your mind to the hobby.

• Ignore the bit about the card, it was a present that the sister didn't send her brother. Too late to edit