To worry about DH prioritising nephews and nieces over our child

OP you’re massively overthinking this…this may never happen. Your SIL has 4 kids and up to now your DH has none. When you have yours you will realise quite how much work FOUR can be and how easy it is in comparison to be the fun uncle. I had kids before my siblings and I definitely had less time and attention to give my adult siblings when the kids were small, but once they had their own and mine were less full on (and I only have 2) I threw myself into being an auntie.

You obviously dont like your SIL but don’t get jealous and resentful about a completely imaginary situation. It will be lovely for your DC to have a good relationship with their cousins.

Only if he or she is as insecure and transactional as their mother.

Calm down, OP. Your child hasn’t yet been born, and you’re already wasting mental energy on an imaginary future in which they are neglected by their aunt not buying them birthday presents.

"My thinking is if someone shows they don’t care about your child, that naturally affects how much effort you put in for theirs"

How's is that the kids fault? Why would you take it out on them to 'get back' at a parents decision that you have no control over? It's kind of petty op ngl. As an aunt I see my relationship to my niece and nephew as separate to my relationship with my sister so there's nothing my sister could do that would make me cut them off or step back from them unless it was unsafe. And you'd do it over approaches to gifting?

Obviously you are being unreasonable. He shouldn't change his generosity with his nephews and nieces because his sister is stingy. Let her do her. The kids will eventually become wise to it.

Please please tell me you’re not going to be burning through savings to get through Mat leave while he doesn’t cut back his substantial gift buying. He needs to cover the family costs as a family, or of course he can equally parent, let’s say he can parent from 5pm to 2am and enable you to work an evening job.

We know because the op says their parents also spoil them a lot?

Video calling his sister every day, and checking on the nieces and nephews in the process, sounds like your husband is acting as a guardian to all of them and going above and beyond to care about their welfare. Maybe he worries about their living circumstances and is doing all he can to ensure their safety and happiness. Maybe the present buying is to make up for what is lacking from their parents, who knows? He sounds a very caring, loving, and responsible man, you should be very proud of him.

I dont buy it.
You're just hatful towards his sister and jealous he loves her

So it’s all entirely hypothetical at this stage? YABU.

I would not borrow problems from tomorrow.

Your DH obviously has capacity for love and generosity and knows how to prioritise children over adults.

Once he has children of his own, there will be a natural period of readjusting priorities anyway.

While your SIL does sound stingy, I always think it’s so much more important to have a capacity to love and give rather than be loved and receive.

Totally disagree.

He spends an hour every day talking to his sister, nieces and nephews. That is beyond bizarre and I'd be hacked off if my DH was doing that day in day out. If he becomes besotted with his new baby, he might well drop nieces and nephews like a hot potato, and that will be his fault for getting into such a ridiculous habit of an hour a day.

This is a totally different issue to whether your SIL reciprocates though

This reads as you being jealous of your nieces and nephews.

Why can’t your husband dote on them just because he loves them?
Why should his relationship with them change just because his sister is stingy?
Do you think he has a finite amount of love to give and that his nieces and nephews are using it up?

Honestly, grow up. You sound like a petulant child

I'd suspect that as soon as his own child is on the scene, he'll switch allegiances... ;)

I've seen it happen time and time again. The first few kids in a family get spoilt rotten by everyone. But as soon as the aunties and uncles start having their own children, the original few fall to the wayside.

Hi OP, I think try not to worrying about this too much, its very much a hypothetical and not worth stressing yourself about during your pregnancy. For what its worth i dont think your husband spoiling your neices and nephews will take away from his love and dedication to his own child. Even if his sister is stingy with gifts for your DC, kids often don't even notice that type of thing, especiallynot young children- so this really is not an immediate issue! It sounds like this is more about your feelings re his sister being stingy/ selfish than it is about the kids. Ultimately, I think your husband is right- its not fair to take out frustration with a parent on the children. I think let this one go for now, it sounds like your partner will be a great Dad to your DC. Congrats on your pregnancy! Xx

If my DH had started talking like you are during my pregnancy I'd be worried. You sound jealous of his relationship with his family and you sound like someone who is going to try and create a lot of drama. You also sound like someone who would use a child as a weapon. Your DH is absolutely right that he shouldn't punish children for their parents actions.

This.

Wow that’s sweet, but a big commitment. I’m sure he’ll find when yours comes along there’ll be a bit less time for that kinda thing. Agree that his sister doesn’t sound supportive to him particularly. A bit mean to not buy him a b’day gift but with 4 children, maybe a bit strapped for cash herself…

You husband is right! It’s not the kids fault. I have the same with my in laws!! Other than my SIL it’s like we don’t exist in regards to occasions. My husband’s brothers didn’t even acknowledge his recent land mark birthday and refused to come to the event I organised because it wasn’t there thing!! One of his brothers was too skint to get even a selection box for our children at Christmas but we had and alway will buy our niece (his daughter) a gift normally around £60-£70. It’s not her fault he’s dad is tight

Agree!
Sounds like you have a lovely DH and suggests he’ll be a generous and kind Dad-lucky you and your child 🙂

Agree!
Sounds like you have a lovely DH and suggests he’ll be a generous and kind Dad-lucky you and your child 🙂