Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can I have an opinion on my marriage

61 replies

Timetoleavefd · 17/01/2026 22:43

on Tuesday I asked DH if he could take me and the kids to visit my friend in London as I’m not good with taking the tube and feel overwhelmed with the kids as they very young right now. He said yes and he will go to the pub whilst I’m with my friend. Today I was ready and waiting for DH (he takes the eldest to an activity every Saturday afternoon). He comes home later than usual and I’m ready by the door to leave and he starts arguing that he didn’t say he would come with me. I get upset as my friend is waiting for me.

I phone my friend apologetically and give her an excuse and ask if we could meet at alternative location (still close enough to her but I can drive there instead of catching tube). I meet her and all is good. I come home and DH is in mood with me and tells me to it’s the Blackwall tunnel charge. I’ve never paid before so I ask him a question if it’s just Blackwall or if it’s congestion charge too and he tells me to go and fuck myself. I asked him if he could list it for be and he tells me why should he.

I feel really angry right now as I do everything for him and I feel he is punishing me for trying to better myself in terms of I’m making an effort to be more sociable. I’m angry at him, feel free to read any of my previous posts to get an idea of my life.

OP posts:
GreenMiniGreen · 17/01/2026 22:59

He's threatening you about leaving you without finances as he knows his behaviour is unreasonable. From the snapshot here, he doesn't seem like a good person. Have a serious think about all of this. Do you want years of this? It doesn't sound like anything is going to change. Leave whilst you're young enough and before your confidence is eroded further.

takealettermsjones · 17/01/2026 22:58

Timetoleavefd · 17/01/2026 22:54

Yes I work but part time but I don’t have any money left at the end of the month as he takes most of it and the rest I spend on food and kids stuff. He earns far more than me but expects me to equally contribute to the house, he also makes it clear the house is under his name and if I leave I don’t get a penny

I think you should get advice from Women's Aid or similar, this sounds like financial abuse/control.

Even without that, I would not stay with someone who screamed at me for any sustained period.

Timetoleavefd · 17/01/2026 22:54

DierdreBarlow · 17/01/2026 22:52

I suppose if you keep expecting him to be a nice person, you're going to keep being disappointed. Does he often sabotage things for you, OP? Sorry if I missed it, but do you work? You need to start making plans to split, in my opinion.

Yes I work but part time but I don’t have any money left at the end of the month as he takes most of it and the rest I spend on food and kids stuff. He earns far more than me but expects me to equally contribute to the house, he also makes it clear the house is under his name and if I leave I don’t get a penny

OP posts:
Timetoleavefd · 17/01/2026 22:53

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp i did say to him and repeated our conversation but he just screamed at me till I got upset and actually didn’t stop even as I was upset,

OP posts:
DierdreBarlow · 17/01/2026 22:52

I suppose if you keep expecting him to be a nice person, you're going to keep being disappointed. Does he often sabotage things for you, OP? Sorry if I missed it, but do you work? You need to start making plans to split, in my opinion.

Timetoleavefd · 17/01/2026 22:51

Hallywally · 17/01/2026 22:47

Did the children have to go with you? Couldn’t you have kid arranged to see your friend alone in the easier location?

I’m not sure what the bit about the tunnel charge is on about. Did you go through the tunnel but not pay and you’re annoyed at DH for not telling you about it?

Happy I’m really struggling with my mental health and anxiety and rather than help me he just told me to pay the charge and when I asked him what charge he told me to go and fuck myself. I just feel he’s being difficult. He could easily have sorted it. I was dealing with 2 tired kids screaming but he leaves me to sort it out and goes to bed at 9:30 , he has never gone to bed so early before

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/01/2026 22:49

So many questions...

why didnt you feel able to tell him he was talking shit and let's get going?
Why didnt he just go with you even if he couldnt remember the convo?
Why couldnt he look after one or 2 of his kids and you go into london with 1 or 2?
Why did he have to be such a dick post fact if he knew you were driving and knew there was a charge?
Why do you want to be with someone like this?

Put it this way... I wouldn't be queuing up to swap my marriage for yours.

Timetoleavefd · 17/01/2026 22:48

BlackCatDiscoClub · 17/01/2026 22:45

How do I read your past posts? Newby here

Black cat don’t worry I just realised I changed my username so you wouldn’t get to see whole picture anyway. I’ve been posting about my marriage for a good few years. Sometimes it feels he’s trying but over time I feel he’s trying to control me and keep me depressed but you wouldn’t see the whole picture as I tend to change my username often for fear of bringing identified in real life by family or work colleagues!

OP posts:
Hallywally · 17/01/2026 22:47

Did the children have to go with you? Couldn’t you have kid arranged to see your friend alone in the easier location?

I’m not sure what the bit about the tunnel charge is on about. Did you go through the tunnel but not pay and you’re annoyed at DH for not telling you about it?

BlackCatDiscoClub · 17/01/2026 22:45

How do I read your past posts? Newby here

Neveranynamesleft · 17/01/2026 22:45

Ask yourself what exactly you get out of this relationship. Life is too short for his nonsense....