Can I have an opinion on my marriage

His behaviour is foul. However, if I had ever been so needy my DH had to drive me to see a friend and I'd then expected him to sort and pay tolls/congestion charge, my dh would likely have left me years ago. If you use tolls/live in/near London why isn't your car registered?

He should be nicer, always. The poor children.

Something tells me this wasn't all one sided since most people wouldn't be a little peed off they were waiting to go out. However you say you do everything for him and remembering other posts since you type the same that's not exactly true he does a lot for you and the kids also. Maybe you need to stand on your own and just take kids and go see your friend. That's what I do.

he can say that all he likes and i’m sure he knows that as you’re married, it’s not all his. Please contact women’s aid. You need to leave this marriage.

The fact he told you to go fuck yourself would be enough for me

There's zero reason to speak to you like that in the context you've described. I'd be having a serious word and laying down the law.

You will get at least half of the value of the house- probably more if the children live with you.

Leave him.

Can you get any financial information of his? Savings, investments?

Oh my god, sister. He's been like this for years gaslighting you, rude, abusive, controlling, takes what little income you have to keep you financially dependent and he's told you to go fuck yourself and if you try to leave you'll get nothing?

For the love of god and all that is holy please get legal advice.

Plan your exit:

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

If you're married, the house is a marital asset whether it's in his name or yours. OP, he sounds awful - nobody should stay with someone who tells you to go fuck yourself or screams/shouts at you. This is abusive. Get yourself some legal advice and separate. You deserve better than this 💐

He sounds horrible. I’ve been married to my DH for over 15 years, and he’s never sworn at me like that. Your DH’s behaviours is not normal. If he agreed, he should make an effort and do what he said. If he didnt remember (which I don’t believe) then the normal thing to say would be oh I forgot about that but no problem. If he’s so knackered, taking you is impossible (unlikely), he can communicate that in a non aggressive way. Asking about what charge to pay hardly deserve being sworn at by someone who is supposed to love you. I’m not surprised you feel anxious, his behaviour must make you feel like you are treading on eggshells and he is gaslighting you to make you question your reality so he can get away with being a cruel and lazy idiot. What you are asking for as a minimum is basic decent behaviour from one human being to another and he can’t even do that. You said this has been going on for some time and it doesn’t look like there’s any indication it will change. This is not good for you or your children. I really do think you need to reflect and take steps to find a better life without him. Good luck.

I would be angry too, he is a big let down, making plans he didn’t really care about then turning nasty because it no longer suits him, blowing up with a man tantrum. it’s supposed to be a partnership.

He told you to fuck yourself and screamed at you..I think you already known the answer here OP.

I'm not clear on whether you wanted to take the kids or he refused to mind them? If its the first then I would be frustrated if my partner wanted to go somewhere but insisted I bring them because they didn't like public transport. I would expect the other adult to manage themselves without help from me, so I understand why he would be annoyed about that. None of this excuses his awful behaviour though.

I have been married 20 years and my husband has never sworn at me. This is not normal. Do not let your kids grow up thinking this is a normal way to live.

You need to talk to a solicitor and women’s aid.

He can say what he likes about 'his' house but if you are married it's not only his. It is jointly owned.

Nope, being married you still have a claim to the house regardless if only his name is on it.

Apart from the fact that he is very abusive, it’s very telling that he didn’t have the children at home with him while you went into the city. That would have been the logical move.

You need to run, speak to women’s aid and ask them for support and guidance to get out.

Do you really want your children to see and believe this is how you are supposed to treat someone you love.

I’ve been posting about my marriage for a good few years.

If you’ve posted multiple times for years then why are you still with him?

This relationship obviously doesn’t work so why are you wasting years of you life on it.

You say your mental health is poor.
You know that his behaviour, and the way he constantly grinds you down contributes to your poor mental health?
There is nothing more soul detroying than livign with someone who is not nice.
All day every day just walking round on eggshells because you don't wnat to be grumped at.

Talk to women's aid, because you will get money form the house. You will get all your earnings and you will get benefits, so you can be financially free. You may need ot live in a smaller place, but it will be calm and you will be in control.

Honestly why are you with him?

He is gaslighting you by saying he never agreed

He is unwilling to spend a few minutes helping you do something he understands easily and you don’t (tunnel charge)

He’s screaming at you rather that have a conversation like a grown up

He’s not offered to parent his own kids so you can see a friend

What do you actually get from this relationship?

He’s telling you the house is in his name to put you off leaving. You are married. Nothing is his only - it’s legally shared!

I would get all the details you can about finances and make plans to see a solicitor

Life is too short for you to put up with this. You deserve better than being treated like a second class human being 💐

He is not correct about the house - if you are married the house is a joint asset, it doesn’t matter who’s name is in the deed or who pays the mortgage.
What are you wanting here? You know your marriage is awful. Get out of it. Your life will be so much better.

He sounds awful. Does he not like you going out?

I don’t understand why DH had to go to the pub though.
Surely it would have been easier to leave him and the kids at home and get the tube by yourself to meet your friend.

It’s simple @Timetoleavefd

He doesn’t like you. Not even a little bit.

But you know this. It’s time to get help to
get out.

Hi op. You have said you have been posting about your relationship for 'several years'. I expect(based on this thread)you will receive much the same advice that you have received over the years. It sounds really tough for you and I hope you find a way through.

I agree with the advice to contact women's aid. If you're married he won't be able to keep everything to himself if you split. Please get advice, you're in an abusive relationship. And also, don't tell him what you're doing, keep your cards close to your chest right now.