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Original poster

Hen party invitation

63 replies

Zobear · 17/01/2026 21:07

So I've been invited to a hen party for someone I've not seen in almost a year and not spoken to since june last year.
Do I go to the hen party?
Bit of a back story, there's no hard feelings or any falling out or anything of the sort, I think we've kind of just drifted apart as friends. I've recently had a baby (Nov just gone) got a text saying congrats but she's not asked to meet the baby or anything it was just the one message.
She sent me a picture of when she got engaged, I said congratulations and asked about the details, she didn't open or respond to me for about a week.
We all have busy lives etc, totally understand and it all works both ways.
But am I wrong for not really caring to go to the hen party? It's spring next year, apparently wedding is summer next year but I don't know any details on that either.
What would you do?
The MOH wants answers now for pricing etc. Realistically if I've not seen her for 2 years would I go....

OP posts:
ComedyGuns · 18/01/2026 06:46

Don’t go - I think you’ll hate it and resent the probably huge expense.

Icecreamisthebest · 18/01/2026 06:43

If it was one evening yes. But in the circumstances you describe, no to anything longer

AgnesMcDoo · 18/01/2026 06:23

Do you want to go? Then go.

if not, decline.

‘should’ is not a factor

Zanatdy · 18/01/2026 06:16

I’d respond and say you’re unable to commit due to DC so have to duck out. Don’t worry about it, probably an invite to make up numbers to keep costs down.

Original poster
Zobear · 18/01/2026 05:45

Uhghg · 17/01/2026 21:42

If you don’t want to go then don’t go.

I have a couple of friends that I barely see and can go months not speaking to but would 100% be invited to each others hen do.

She could see you as someone she feels really close to, regardless of how much you see each other.
Or she’s just filling numbers.

But either way if you don’t want to go then don’t. I wouldn’t judge you.

Considering there's 40+ people invited, I'd say it's numbers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zobear · 18/01/2026 05:41

Anxioustealady · 17/01/2026 22:20

Of course you don't have to go, but I think you're being over sensitive about her not asking to meet your baby.

You had a baby, she congratulated you, but that's not enough because she didn't ask to meet them. Maybe she was waiting to be invited, that's what I'd do rather than pressure a new mom.

She told you she was engaged, you replied and then... she also replied, slightly slower than you'd like. She probably got a lot of messages and it can be a bit overwhelming.

I don't see what she's done wrong. Maybe you are incompatible as friends because this is what my friendships are all like. We get busy and can go months even years without speaking, but when we see each other it's like no time has passed.

I have other children, she's been bothered with them. She puts up posts congratulating other people, meeting their babies, her own posts saying happy birthday to other babies so when she doesn't so much as ask how the baby is yes it bithers me. That's me and my feelings and that's OK.

This isn't even about that, that's a reference to say how we've drifted and about the hen do

OP posts:
OneHundredDays · 18/01/2026 02:45

SunnyCoco · 17/01/2026 22:17

Yeah I'd go. For me, that's what life's about, meet interesting people, have a fun weekend, try a new activity etc

Also depends what's the alternative - sit at home staring at the telly? Or if you already have other interesting plans then sure, keep those plans

Basically, make the most of life

Me too. If I get invited to something, I like the person, like the sound of the activity and have the time and money available, I'm there! I've had some great adventures, met brilliant people and sometimes got out of my comfort zone. Life is for living!

Ponderingwindow · 18/01/2026 01:28

I’d go for an evening out. I wouldn’t commit to a weekend away or an actual holiday.

if they are asking for commitments this far in advance, I’m guessing this involves more than dinner and a club.

Needspaceforlego · 18/01/2026 01:17

Hufflemuff · 17/01/2026 22:07

Depends whats planned. Local bottomless brunch afternoon - Yes. Weekend away in another city/country - Na.

You could see this as a way to reconnect - or confirm the distance has got too great and go separate ways for good.

That's my thoughts too, local event yes, weekend no

DaisyChain505 · 17/01/2026 22:22

No is a full sentence. You don’t need to give a full essay on why you don’t want to go. You don’t see this woman anymore, you aren’t friends. Stop people pleasing and do what works for you.

Anxioustealady · 17/01/2026 22:20

Of course you don't have to go, but I think you're being over sensitive about her not asking to meet your baby.

You had a baby, she congratulated you, but that's not enough because she didn't ask to meet them. Maybe she was waiting to be invited, that's what I'd do rather than pressure a new mom.

She told you she was engaged, you replied and then... she also replied, slightly slower than you'd like. She probably got a lot of messages and it can be a bit overwhelming.

I don't see what she's done wrong. Maybe you are incompatible as friends because this is what my friendships are all like. We get busy and can go months even years without speaking, but when we see each other it's like no time has passed.

Helpwithdivorce · 17/01/2026 22:20

Zobear · 17/01/2026 21:12

Not really, I know of a few of them but they're not my friends or friend group. So I'd kind of feel an odd one out. I've been to a thing before with some of the people and was mostly left by myself feeling like a plum lol

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In that case I wouldn’t bother going

OriginalUsername2 · 17/01/2026 22:18

I wouldn’t go. I’d feel like I was invited to make up numbers / make her look popular. She clearly doesn’t care about your life much.

SunnyCoco · 17/01/2026 22:17

Yeah I'd go. For me, that's what life's about, meet interesting people, have a fun weekend, try a new activity etc

Also depends what's the alternative - sit at home staring at the telly? Or if you already have other interesting plans then sure, keep those plans

Basically, make the most of life

ExtraOnions · 17/01/2026 22:15

Who wants to “meet a baby” ?? The only ones I’m ever interested in are ones I am related to.

Babies are very boring.

RollOnSunshine · 17/01/2026 22:10

Find out what they have planned and decide if you want to be there or not.

Or if you are not interested irrespective of the destination then decline outright.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 17/01/2026 22:09

Just decline. Is it an Overnight weekend event?

Hufflemuff · 17/01/2026 22:07

Depends whats planned. Local bottomless brunch afternoon - Yes. Weekend away in another city/country - Na.

You could see this as a way to reconnect - or confirm the distance has got too great and go separate ways for good.

Imbusytodaysorry · 17/01/2026 22:07

@Zobear i wouldn’t go .
If I’d seen a wedding invitation in my name I might think about it . However at this point I think it’s sounds like a numbers game.

xSnowFairyx · 17/01/2026 21:50

If you don’t want to go … don’t go.

If you do want to go … go!

If you don’t want to go, your reasons (drifted, not close, not spoke for months, not friends with the others) are completely valid.

I’ve been on at least one hen do a year for the past 3 years. (And by hen do’s I mean hen weekends) and they’re expensive as fuck.

Christmaseree · 17/01/2026 21:46

Dis she go to yours if you had one?

lap90 · 17/01/2026 21:45

I wouldn’t go.

Btw, did you invite her to meet the baby?

INX · 17/01/2026 21:43

Cat1504 · 17/01/2026 21:39

I bet they have….just saying

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And I'm 'just saying' they definitely haven't 🤷‍♂️

I've never been overstruck on other people's babies and they know this.

Now if they had a new puppy, I'd be round like a shot 🤣

Uhghg · 17/01/2026 21:42

If you don’t want to go then don’t go.

I have a couple of friends that I barely see and can go months not speaking to but would 100% be invited to each others hen do.

She could see you as someone she feels really close to, regardless of how much you see each other.
Or she’s just filling numbers.

But either way if you don’t want to go then don’t. I wouldn’t judge you.

Cat1504 · 17/01/2026 21:39

INX · 17/01/2026 21:37

Blimey

I'm glad my friends don't think like you as I've never been interested in meeting their babies really.

But no-one's ever got the hump about it or taken it personally.

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I bet they have….just saying