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Original poster

To ask if this is controlling?

58 replies

Chefpig · 17/01/2026 15:52

Riding in a relatives car, I'm mostly on the back seat. He has the child lock on the window and very rarely allows me to wind the window im closest to down even on a nice day. He doesn't like the wind apparently. His wife does not think this is controlling but thinks it's hilarious when I ask and he refuses.

OP posts:
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TY78910 · 26/01/2026 22:26

all my windows are closed - the noise, the wind flapping my hair in to my face… the aircon is enough. Everything is bloody controlling these days 🙄🙄

Gahr · 26/01/2026 21:32

ASeriesOfTubes · 26/01/2026 21:23

Because she's getting a free ride. She might change her tune if they start making her walk next time they all go out.

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It doesn't count as a 'free ride' if the only reason they are able to stay there is because OP is putting them up. Do you really not see how that changes the situation? I would agree with you under other circumstances, but I think it is really rude to treat your host in that way.

ASeriesOfTubes · 26/01/2026 21:23

Gahr · 26/01/2026 09:29

Why should she, if they are getting a free holiday? They might change their tune if OP starts being unavaliable next time they want to stay.

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Because she's getting a free ride. She might change her tune if they start making her walk next time they all go out.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/01/2026 11:17

Does the car not have aircon? If it does, then obviously you shouldn't have the window open and the aircon on at the same time. Is that his issue?

Gahr · 26/01/2026 09:29

ASeriesOfTubes · 24/01/2026 14:07

Or alternatively, OP can put up and shut up for what must only be few minutes' ride.

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Why should she, if they are getting a free holiday? They might change their tune if OP starts being unavaliable next time they want to stay.

IamnotSethRogan · 24/01/2026 14:17

Rolling down the back windows makes a really awful noise if you're driving. I don't let the kids do it it drives me insane.

ASeriesOfTubes · 24/01/2026 14:07

Gahr · 23/01/2026 19:10

In that case he needs to let you be comfortable in his car, he and his wife are CF. The fact that they are getting a free holiday changes a lot IMO.

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Or alternatively, OP can put up and shut up for what must only be few minutes' ride.

Wickedlittledancer · 24/01/2026 13:45

MagpiePi · 24/01/2026 09:23

I’d be spewing everywhere after about 10 minutes if I was in the back with no access to fresh air.
If you are on urban roads going at slow speeds you don’t get the buffeting from having a rear window open.
Your relatives sound like bullies rather than controlling, unless there are a lot of other things going on.

The air con doesn’t help you? You have to have open windows in a car?

pictoosh · 24/01/2026 09:43

P.s If I'm asking a friend I'll say, "Would you mind closing the window, thanks."
If it's one of the kids it's, "Shut that bloody window!"

pictoosh · 24/01/2026 09:34

Silverbirchleaf · 23/01/2026 18:53

This one example is not a sign of a controlling nature. The buffeting sensation is annoying .

This. The buffeting is distracting and hurts my ears. It's ok driving around town but as soon as there's any speed in the mix, shut that window.

Do you drive yourself?

PardonMe3 · 24/01/2026 09:28

I can't cope with wind blowing on me. I have to them the air con vents off, and my H can't open the window more than a tiny bit. If the wind blows in my ear, he has to put the winsdow higher. I can manage with the back windows open as long as the wind isn't blowing directly on me. I don't think it's controlling. I think different people respond to stimuli differently, and you need to be respectful of that. My H is the driver generally but if I'm uncomfortable I won't travel with him.

MagpiePi · 24/01/2026 09:23

I’d be spewing everywhere after about 10 minutes if I was in the back with no access to fresh air.
If you are on urban roads going at slow speeds you don’t get the buffeting from having a rear window open.
Your relatives sound like bullies rather than controlling, unless there are a lot of other things going on.

Wickedlittledancer · 24/01/2026 09:13

Op is this your mother and father come down to visit you; you know full well your father doesn’t like driving with thr window open and uses air con, and your mother makes out it’s funny as you keep asking to put the windows down even though you’re fully aware he will say no. So to avoid tension she makes out your behaviour in repeatedly asking is funny?

Wickedlittledancer · 24/01/2026 09:08

Is it your parents?

for me I don’t like rhe windows open when I’m driving. Does the car not have air con? If no then I’d have the windows open. If yes then I’d not.

Maddy70 · 24/01/2026 09:03

I can't bear the noise of a window down in the back while in driving its super distracting
You don't have to track with them if you don't like their rules , you can get a bus or train ..

trainkeepsgoing · 24/01/2026 08:40

Driver gets to choose!

50NotFat · 24/01/2026 08:25

Imdunfer · 17/01/2026 16:01

Most modern cars aren't stuffy with the windows shut, ime

If I have to do the driving, ( I don't like driving but I'm the only one in our house who can), then I'll have the conditions in my car to suit me driving as comfortably (equals safely) as possible unless there is a medical need for the back window to be open.

If passengers don't like how I want to drive my own car then they can drive themselves.

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Agree with this. I don’t like driving with the windows down. I’ll happily put the air con on though. Usually only have the windows down if it’s really hot day and I’m just getting into a boiling car. Once I’m moving and the air con kicks in they go back up.

Freshstartyear25 · 24/01/2026 08:21

I hate the back window open too because of the awful noise. My car actually always asks me to close the windows due to aerodynamics drag when the back window is open. I also have child lock permanently on my car’s back door because of the kids.

SkelatorIamNot · 24/01/2026 08:00

I can’t stand that awful noise either but I would put the air con on if requested.

Left · 23/01/2026 19:53

Sent too soon!

So I think there could be a reasonable explanation for this… Are there any other examples of their behaviour that you feel are controlling?

Left · 23/01/2026 19:50

Depending on the car I sometimes get a frozen shoulder from the breeze from back window being open.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 23/01/2026 19:45

Gahr · 23/01/2026 19:10

In that case he needs to let you be comfortable in his car, he and his wife are CF. The fact that they are getting a free holiday changes a lot IMO.

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Totally agree with this

DappledThings · 23/01/2026 19:42

Our windows are always locked to stop the children opening them in the back. If an adult asked to I'd ask if I could turn up the AC first but if they insisted on a window I'd grit my teeth and let them. The buffering is awful though, I hate in even for a couple of minutes.

Eenameenadeeka · 23/01/2026 19:15

Drivers choice. I can't drive with the window open either the noise is awful

StMarie4me · 23/01/2026 19:12

MildlyAnnoyed · 17/01/2026 15:57

I don’t let my children wind down the back window unless the front one is open because it’s noisy if just the back window is open. The noise hurts my ears!

Totally agree! Real pain.