Why doesn’t DH express an opinion about anything?

My husband is similar in that he rarely has an opinion on house stuff as he’s usually not that bothered and jokes that I’m in charge of what goes on in the house. If he feels strongly about something he says so and he knows I will listen and we discuss. To be fair when he has an opinion we tend to go with it as it’s always a very good one.

What a passive aggressive opt out from him.
If he really feels like that, then your marriage is in huge trouble.
I would want a conversation about it.
If that is how he feels, the marriage is likely half over.
Ask him if HE feels the marriage is over?
His passivity means he certainly isn't fighting for it which means he is likely to be open to it ending.
Take it seriously because he may no longer care.
Sorry if that is harsh.

I can’t comment on the dynamic in your relationship but this is exactly how I became in my marriage. If I tried to put my thoughts forward they were not given any importance or it caused a disagreement and so I gave up having an opinion in the end. I became quite passive. Then I was blamed for not having an opinion and being too passive. I couldn’t win. Anyway he went an had an affair in the end and we divorced but it was for the best as I felt I was unable to be myself in our marriage.

Ooh, time for a bit of self-examination, OP.

He sounds just like me! He's learned that if expressing an opinion will lead to a disagreement, then what's the point? Especially over things like what colour to paint the walls or tiles in a utility room, it's not important at all.

In my case, disagreements would almost always end up with my wife getting what she wanted, so I gave up and now keep quiet most of the time. Last time we looked at holidays I suggested doing an all inclusive for a change, my wife didn't want it, so I lost interest. As the old saying goes, "happy wife, happy life"!

He’s telling you his view is usually dismissed, and then you’re doing exactly that!!! Have a good look at the past- you clearly do it or he wouldn’t have said it.

Only you can say if there’s any truth in what he says. Is it possible that you simply don’t realise that you’re dismissing him?

This! He has told you how he feels. Rather than explore it with him youve come here to ask others if his opinion is reasonable...i dont expect he feels that way for no reason 🤔

And ironically dismissed his opinion AGAIN....

It's not unclear. He has said that he'd come to realise that his view was generally dismissed.
Whether that's true or not is up for debate but his perception is that his view is generally dismissed.

To be fair to the OP, that might or might not be true. I'm not definitely saying it isn't, but some people are very poor at putting their point of view across. If OP's H is one of those, she might genuinely not know what he thinks about things, even if he thinks he has been clear. On the other hand, she might be so overbearing that she never listens. It's impossible to say from the outside which is true.

It's impossible to say if you are BU or not. I'm normally the first to defend men on here and say that women are often overbearing and difficult, but there isn't enough information her to say that is absolutely the case. OP could be a harridan, or her husband could be one of those people who will never offer an opinion. Or it could be a little of column A, a little of column B.

You’ve ground him down to the point he has given up as it’s your way or the highway by the sounds of it. And now you’re moaning about it on Mumsnet. Congratulations. You reap what you sow.

he’d come to realise that his view was generally dismissed

There's your answer. If that's his experience, why would he bother?

I feel for him, it gets tiresome and a pointless task not being listened to, that it does get to the point of 'why bother giving an opinion at all?'.

Definitely something you should reflect on, it's not good when a partner silently leaves the marriage.

Oh God, I’m your DH in this. I didn’t used to be - I’d always had (I thought) vision, taste, opinions on such things. But I came to realise that although my DW wanted ‘discussion’ around her ideas, as part of the excitement, it wasn’t in order to find a joint choice, but to confirm what had already been chosen. She has a fierce will (which I also love) but if my role is merely to submit to it, I’d rather spend my energy on other things. So yes, the floor’s fine. Let me order it.

Well you’ve answered your own question OP.
He’s learnt it’s best to stay quiet and agree.
Poor guy.

You might be overbearing.

He might be too passive.

You might be frustrated that he will not argue with you because you are high conflict and he is not.

Impossible to say because you have not really described your relationship that well.

I find people like that so wet and precious. Why the big hoo-ha about somebody disagreeing with your opinion?!

I think you need to seriously reflect on whether he has a point about you dismissing his opinions. Or is there a reason why he might be conflict avoidant (some who have a history of abuse as children will shy away from conflict, for instance)?

It’s fine for him to let you do as you please about relatively minor things he does not have a strong opinion about (such as tiles), but if it extends to anything and everything you definitely have a problem in your relationship, it’s just that you hadn’t realised it. And the fact you hadn’t realised he feels dismissed and his opinions aren’t valued by you is an additional problem, in my opinion.

Honest communication is important and I think if he feels that he cannot freely express his opinion, and that you will take them seriously, then the two of you need ti get to the bottom of the root of that. I.e. is it that you do tend to steamroller things or is he overly conflict avoidant (or a bit if both)?

I used to be like that with exDP. He used to spend a lot of time planning holidays, booking flights, hotels etc. He used to ask me to find hotels but he never once went with what i had found. I am an experienced traveller. I know what I'm doing. I spent ages pouring over Tripadvisor, hotel websites etc and it wad a total waste of time because he knew best, so I just stopped bothering.

He was like that with lots of other things too.

I don’t think you can say he is being unreasonable if that is his experience. And if he doesn’t care about the topic and you do it makes sense he would defer to you.

I would find him a bit wet though so get your frustration too.

Agreed, though they're usually women, in my experience. My own mother brought up me and my sisters to say 'I don't mind' every time we were given a choice, offered refreshments, or asked for an opinion, and that the only nice child is a shy child.

I still have a strong memory of my aunt's American boyfriend, used to more forthcoming US children, getting puzzled and frustrated when he asked if we (aged eight and six) would like to go to the fun fair, or go the the cinema. We would have adored both, but had been trained that to say 'Yes, we'd love to' was incredibly rude and cheeky.

In fairness, in our cases, we realised early on that this was nonsense, and have all become opinionated adults who are perfectly happy to express a preference.

I think you're unreasonable @Poshdogs. I'm like your DH when it comes to interior decoration and my DH gets frustrated with me. I tell him 1. I don't really care. 2. I have confidance in his taste. 3. If I was to choose just for the sake of choosing we would have long discussions about small things because it's important to him. And since it isn't important to me it would be ridiculous to argue about it. Consider yourself lucky that you get to decide since it's important to you.

That doesn't mean I don't have any opinions. When it comes to the children I will go into heated discussions if it's something I find important in regards to them. As for holidays I have just stated that I am not going to Dubai, otherwise I'm open to almost anywhere.

Happy wife happy life