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Original poster

Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

356 replies

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 18/01/2026 21:32

I hope your daughter is safely back at home.

RosyDaysAhead · 18/01/2026 21:26

Forget about mum and friends,
id be more concerned that she is being groomed and meeting with someone who is trying to build up her trust. You need to sit down and speak to her and tell her she is not going anywhere until you meet these “friends” and their mum

ADarknessOfDragons · 18/01/2026 20:44

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 16:43

I'm not being selective about what I answer, I was waiting at the station when I went on MN and saw that message which was easy to respond to, so I quickly answered that one. I didn't call the mum because there was no guarantee that the person on the other end of the phone would be the mum anyway.

I was there when they got off the train and she was with two teenagaers who I don't particularly know but have seen photos of from pictures she has taken at school and when she's gone to town, birthday parties etc. I spoke to the mum who said they had a lovely time. I haven't had chance to discuss the details of everything with DD, but i am satisfied that she was with who she said she was with and I know the location (for those saying that she could have been anywhere) because her phone is tracked.

Show quote history

I forgot to say OP, as an interim measure, the only thing that sorted the Hyperjar issues for us was replacing both DTs cards.
I was so cross after so much effort to get them working for their bus journey home and them getting rejected again and again that Hyperjar replaced both for free in the end (wanted to charge £5 initially). No problems for months and months now, so worth a go?!

Mamatotwo1976 · 18/01/2026 20:41

Ok mama first breath and don’t worry. Nothing unusual here. A mum of a number of kids aged between 10 and 23 here:-) They are great kids, in fact they are incredible - responsible, kind and doing amazingly at school. BUT I will just say this. Remember this and don’t listen to anyone who disagrees: How do you know when a teenager is lying? When their lips are moving. That’s it. End of. It’s the age. At 13 they lie. About many things. Necessarily and unnecessarily. Always be suspicious because their safety is your job. You have a girl, so put a tracker on her phone and you must both agree that it’s there, for her safety, which is what it’s there for and no other reason. This tracker is non negotiable and so is the information about where and who she goes places with. It’s not about not trusting them, it’s about what others can do to them, it’s a sick world out there. Have a mild conversation with her and put a tracker. Don’t investigate this particular case but from this point on things must be different. She is off with a friend? You need to have the number and the name of the friend. They are off to London with a frinds’s mum? You need to have that mums number. You won’t be calling it and you daughter must know this. But if one day God forbid you are sitting at home and it’s 11 pm and she hasn’t returned, you having this information could save her life. It’s as simple as that.

YouWillNeverGuessMyUsername · 18/01/2026 20:40

PandorasSockBox · 18/01/2026 20:39

Stupid question, but why would 13 year old want to go to London?

Yeah, I mean it's just a really boring little hamlet with nothing going on there....

PandorasSockBox · 18/01/2026 20:39

Stupid question, but why would 13 year old want to go to London?

Bordgoose · 18/01/2026 20:28

My friend had similar so left it for ten minutes then text the daughter with “police has put out a newsflash. Please urgently locate your children as reports of a kidnapping has happened. Child is a girl between 12-17 years old. Ask child to send a picture of her friends or video call urgently. If they can’t please urgently call police with last known location” his daughter video called and was out with a young lad who happened to be one of his employees son and she was scared her father would say something. All innocent, but taught her not to lie.

Hopingforaholiday · 18/01/2026 20:18

I wouldn’t be happy about vague plans and not knowing exactly who she was with at 13.
She’s also old enough for a proper account and card, I’d sort that as a priority.

MyZingyMintOP · 18/01/2026 20:13

always remember what Judge Judy says about teenagers. When they open their mouth, they are lying.
Though looking back 50-odd years to my own teenage years, it feels more like I wanted to be my own person and probably was not very good at it at 13!
So I reckon clear as day she was lying and making a real mess of. Probably would have liked to have been caught out and ‘rescued’.
don’t give her a hard time- just letting her be aware that you know may prevent more outlandish attempts at deception but don’t humiliate her by public questioning!
she sounds quite fun and creative- would love to meet her!

FairKoala · 18/01/2026 20:11

CluelessAboutBiology · 17/01/2026 14:14

good idea, but if the person/people she was with had already got off, you wouldn’t see them.

I’d be tempted to have one parent wait at the home station, as you suggested. The other parent get the train to Stratford and wait at the station to see who she gets on the train with or who walks her to the station.

Show quote history

I take it you haven’t been to Stratford Station. It is huge with multiple entrances and exits DLR Tubes Overgound and rail networks each with multiple platforms.and lines
Equally Westfields isn’t some indoor shopping centre that also is spread out and with huge shops and unless you know exactly where someone is you could easily miss them.

ArtesianWater · 18/01/2026 19:54

Glad she is safe but my worry would have been that she was meeting an older boy / man that she met on the internet. FWIW when I was 13 (and looked much older) I went on holiday with a friend and her parents. The parents were incredibly lax and let us do whatever we wanted, including underage drinking and staying out all night in the resort with older men. It was kind of shocking, looking back, and there's no way my parents would have suspected it.

SomersetBrie · 18/01/2026 19:49

Vevevoom · 18/01/2026 19:05

Since you can track her, I’d be getting in my car and going to Westfield if I were you. I’m already frantically worried and annoyed on your behalf.
plede let us know she’s safe and sound and what her story was.
She has lied to you and so all privileges need to be withdrawn,

The OP posted this yesterday lunchtime - she's back now.

Wisperley · 18/01/2026 19:41

The mistake in this situation was the one made by your DH. He should not have left her at the station alone - he should only have left once the others (and the mum) turned up. That way, all this worry would have been avoided.

Obscurity · 18/01/2026 19:39

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

I’m surprised your DH didn’t wait at the station to make sure she met with ‘said’ friends.

Oldwmn · 18/01/2026 19:29

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

Always confirm with other parent about these sort of outings. She's only 13 but imagines she's all grown up. She will obviously become even more devious but so will you. It'll pass & she will tell you horror stories about all the times you didn't catch her out. I know - I (& several other women I know) was that Mother 🙂

Steeleydan · 18/01/2026 19:29

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

I don't think there is a mother and friends, I think she's gone to meet a boy she's met online or something similar. To be a good liar you have to have a good memory,which your daughter clearly hasn't!!
I would haul her home, give her a good talking too,but first tell her to swallow a truth pill! Then there needs to be some consequences for her actions

ADarknessOfDragons · 18/01/2026 19:28

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 16:43

I'm not being selective about what I answer, I was waiting at the station when I went on MN and saw that message which was easy to respond to, so I quickly answered that one. I didn't call the mum because there was no guarantee that the person on the other end of the phone would be the mum anyway.

I was there when they got off the train and she was with two teenagaers who I don't particularly know but have seen photos of from pictures she has taken at school and when she's gone to town, birthday parties etc. I spoke to the mum who said they had a lovely time. I haven't had chance to discuss the details of everything with DD, but i am satisfied that she was with who she said she was with and I know the location (for those saying that she could have been anywhere) because her phone is tracked.

Show quote history

As soon as you said, "dodgy card that fails all the time" I absolutely knew it would be Hyperjar! My DTs had loads of issues with theirs, though mostly sorted now and they also now have another bank account. And yes, it was very painful persuading them to go to town to open it!!

I don't actually understand why she wouldn't just ask to go to London, so I'm still really curious.

But on the plus side, she has friends, she is confident enough to navigate London (I'm northern, never go to London and would find it hugely intimidating), she replied to texts. Could all be way worse IMO.

My DD15 can't do any of that!

Bouledeneige · 18/01/2026 19:26

i grew up on the outskirts of London and at 13 often went ‘up to town’ with friends - in a group, or 2s or 3s. It was good for learning life skills - getting the tube and buses and working our way to different places. Part of growing into an adult. No mobile phones, google maps, Citymapper or find my phone. Checked the A-Z before going . Both my kids did the same at that age, similarly barely equipped with mobiles.

She just needs to tell you next time she and friends go. Of course they will be safe - if you create the circumstances for open and safe communications and trust her judgement. Really important for her growing up independent, confident and wise.

Suzjspik · 18/01/2026 19:23

Sorry but I think youre mad letting your daughter go to another town at 13. I also would have not let her go unless I had confirmation from the mum that she's going via text. You're too trusting and kids lie. I've got a 15 year old and I check everything before I let him go anywhere. Dont care if im embarrassing to him.

CyclopsElf · 18/01/2026 19:21

My DD is the same age and we've just got a Revolut card because HyperJar is so shit. I'm convinced it was taking her money and then I saw the balance go down and I 100% know she didn't spend anything because I was in the same cafe with her and she didn't go to the counter. So definitely get rid of HyperJar.

When it comes to the lying, those are the sorts of suspicious things my DD would say to me and being detective minded I wouldn't have just assumed she was telling the truth. I would have done some digging. My DD knows I can read her messages any time I like and I would have done this on this occasion.

If DD said she was going to a town and ended up in a city there would be consequences. I know they get annoyed with us because we stifle their freedom but we do it because we know what the real world is like.

What are you going to say to her?

Evidemment · 18/01/2026 19:17

Vevevoom · 18/01/2026 19:05

Since you can track her, I’d be getting in my car and going to Westfield if I were you. I’m already frantically worried and annoyed on your behalf.
plede let us know she’s safe and sound and what her story was.
She has lied to you and so all privileges need to be withdrawn,

You might want to read the thread. She's fine.

Same to everyone else charging in about drugs and boys

bunnygrav3 · 18/01/2026 19:13

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 16:43

I'm not being selective about what I answer, I was waiting at the station when I went on MN and saw that message which was easy to respond to, so I quickly answered that one. I didn't call the mum because there was no guarantee that the person on the other end of the phone would be the mum anyway.

I was there when they got off the train and she was with two teenagaers who I don't particularly know but have seen photos of from pictures she has taken at school and when she's gone to town, birthday parties etc. I spoke to the mum who said they had a lovely time. I haven't had chance to discuss the details of everything with DD, but i am satisfied that she was with who she said she was with and I know the location (for those saying that she could have been anywhere) because her phone is tracked.

Show quote history

You'd be mad to just brush this under the carpet and move on IMHO. She lied about where she was and all you did was send her money and give her a lift from the station??

Stillupatmidnight · 18/01/2026 19:09

County lines?

Vevevoom · 18/01/2026 19:05

Since you can track her, I’d be getting in my car and going to Westfield if I were you. I’m already frantically worried and annoyed on your behalf.
plede let us know she’s safe and sound and what her story was.
She has lied to you and so all privileges need to be withdrawn,

GoldenGate · 18/01/2026 18:50

For DD it sounds more a lesson in getting facts right and understanding how vagueness can look to a trusted person. Its a tightrope for you as over suspicion in itself can lead to lying and hiding things from you. You admitted any of these could be honest mistakes in themselves and hopefully thats turned out to be the case.