Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

Meeting her l of the train will only tell you who she's travelled with not who she's been with, so if she's just with friends it doesn't mean they haven't been to meet someone dubious.

I hope she hasn’t got Snapchat?
The worst App for secrecy as messages disappear.
(The police hate it as well).

Years ago a friend told me about a time her Dad had to pick her up with a friend after a bad party and she’d had to be truthful about where she was having already lied to him. He was quiet but pleasant enough to friend and clearly disappointed with her.

She said that was the most excruciating thing ever. The look of disappointment from her Dad.

She was truthful ever since!

Personally I’d not suggest collecting from train station with a face on. I’d great her from train - yes - but be quiet. Ask how her day went- let her trip herself up more.

Then sit down calmly later and say I know you haven’t been honest with us. And invite her to be truthful. Removing privileges as required!

Something is definitely off and she lied knowing her actual destination wasn’t the next town over.
I’d be very surprised if there was an adult with them, I think she has gone to London with a group of friends and like someone else has suggested, track her location and be there to meet her from the train discreetly to see who gets off.
I’ve a son the same age and I’ve told him there is one thing I won’t stand for is lying, and if I catch him out then I won’t trust him to go anywhere without me until he is older…
Knowing myself at 13 I definitely didn’t tell my parents the whole truth but some aspects of it, which they just accepted without question but 35 years ago things were a little different, but as a parent I do look back and wonder why they didn’t spot the fibs
I had awful problems with hyperjar, I tried it as a friend raved about being great and free to use.
All mine have a Go Henry card, we pay around £9.99 a month for the family subscription, which is for up to 4 children which includes their isas etc it’s really easy to use.
All of mine manage their own savings and move money between the savings/normal account and into the ISA.
The 13 year old has a Go Henry Card and a normal bank account so that he has a back up if he loses one, now he’s old enough to have a normal account if he was our only child I would have stopped the GO Henry, but it doesn’t cost us any less to not have him as part of the plan so he uses both and budgets both accounts.

At the very least you need to be at the station to see who she gets off the train with. Would you have allowed her to go into London (with a friend's mum) if she had told you that was the plan? Does she know you track her location?

It seems like a deliberate attempt to deceive but as she's given you the mum's number maybe not. If it's another child's number, not an adult, that should be clear when you call. I would think any adult would be fine giving you reassurance that they are, in fact, looking after your 13 year old.

At the very least, you need a bit more info about her friends and exactly where she's going.

I'm sure this is just teenage boundary pushing and she'll be back later and in need of a good talking to nip this in the bud.
As a teen, my DM never stopped me from going out but she always insisted on knowing where I was heading to, the names of my friends and where they lived.
She always said, if the worst happens and the police knock at the door, saying your DC is "somewhere, with some people" just wouldn't even give them a clue of how to help me if I needed it.

Id be concerned she's with an older boy/young man. I used to be similar as a teen , wasn't so much sneaking out as my mum didn't care but I'd still lie to her. Would be miles away in someone much olders flat smoking weed. Go get her if you can and make sure she's ok.

At 13? That’s a wild allegation - they probably just wanted the freedom to go shopping without an adult. No need to scaremonger ffs

The lying would make me furious. That alone needs a discussion and I’d stop moving her money - she won’t starve by missing lunch and she’ll learn from her actions it’s not acceptable. You don’t trust her no more cash.
Id be picking her up and no more money for a while with natural consequence for the rest of it

I’d want a quick chat with her to check she is really ok.

Why couldn't she use the card to pay for lunch given she had £30 left over on it after buying the boots?

Shamelessly place marking cos I really need to know the truth now!

She's totally up to something.

One of mine did something similar at 15. He was very particular about where and when he needed to be picked up, outside McDonald's, near the theatre he'd been to with friends. So particular in fact that I decided to turn up half an hour early.

DH thought I was being overly suspicious, but he was a compliant teen himself.

Anyway, we drove over to Mc Donalds and sat in the car, at the back of the carpark, just watching. Around 5 mins before our designated pick up time, a car full of teen drove in. They hadn't been to the movies, they had been at a party. Our son saw us as he got out of the car, you could see the look of panic on his face when he realised he'd been caught out red handed.

Can't pull the wool over the eyes of a mother who would have been one step ahead of you as a teen herself!

Stupid thing is, he would have been allowed to go to the party, it's the being driven by another teen that we would have objected to. I would have dropped him off and picked him up, even dropped him off a bit down the street if being dropped off by a parent was too embarrassing.

Anyway, we didn't need to say much, he was mortified and grounded for a while for the lie. He still doesn't know that his own mother was much worse behaved at his age. Now, all we are trying to do is keep them safe.

Hopefully you'll get her home safely soon and then get to the bottom of it all.

If I was you I would go in guns blazing about the lying but would then regret it. Im not sure it’s the best approach to get teens to open up. A calm discussion about safety and how important it is for you to know where she is and who she is with and how she needs to build your trust to get more freedom would probably be more productive. I’d def be doing some phone checking too.

Although she seems to have come to no harm, which is of course a good thing, the cagey way she has parcelled out information suggests you do need to look into this

At the very least she lied about where she's going. That's enough of a reason to fetch her home. It sounds like there is no friend's Mum present. She's needing wads of extra cash.

She's 13. I'd be going to Stratford pronto.

Your husband is a gullible idiot and sadly I think your daughter is up to no good and it probably involves a boy or drugs or some combination of those two things

Exactly this, I know a lot of my teenagers friends and parents. I’d have called the mum beforehand to check all was as it seems. Even now if they’re sleeping over, we all message to see how they are.

I would give the mum a call and just casually ask what time they are expected back so you can be there to collect your daughter at the station (more so just to hear her voice and try and gauge if she is the friends mum) in your daughters defence I don’t think my daughter would have asked the mum to pay for dinner and take cash either she would of felt too shy.

Silly of her to lie in this day and age where she can be traced.

if she has been to London without permission then I’d be sanctioning her and she’d be on a tight leash for a while.

I wouldn’t keep gifting her money right after discovering she lied. She isn’t where she said, she probably isn’t with who she said. I’d be telling her to get her ass back home right now. No to the boots, no to lunch and your grounded.

She's lying and she's only 13.

Do you have anyway of checking with the other mum to see if the friend is with her?

Hopefully she's with friends rather than a stranger she got talking to online.

Don't tip her off that you know as if she's with a groomer, it will play into their hands and she's likely to stay away longer out of fear of facing the consequences when she get home.

Meet her at the train station.

When she gets home:
1 - serious discussion on safety & lies
2 - tracker put on her phone
3 - being able to conform with other mums on any future trips

Yeah, with a furious face on!!!

Sounds suspicious and a break in trust here