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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for feeling upset tonight at DH and DB for being a pair of unhelpful gits?

208 replies

Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 22:26

Today, I was out at work, did the shopping, while DH as usual wfh. I took the kids round to DB's after dinner and they had a great time. Came home about 9pm and I had forgotten my handbag amidst all the bags I was carrying plus walking our dog.

At this point I was tired, was annoyed at myself so asked if DB would walk half way to meet me and bring it. Would also have been nice if DH had offered to meet half way but wasn't expecting it. It's literally 10 mins and that little act of kindness would have meant a lot. But nope, my fault, neither could be bothered, so I went out again in the dark alone (not that this bothers me) to get my bag.

Just felt so disappointed in both of them. DH has had the whole day wfh (not a stressful one) and evening to himself and DB is between jobs. I, on the other hand, left the house at 7am, barely got a break at work, then went back out again with DC and eventually wanted to relax.

Would it really have been that much for them to leave the house they had been in all day and night to help me out?

OP posts:
Lambington · 17/01/2026 07:40

His response was to say "Yeah equality"?
He doent like to be "told what to do".
It genuinely doesnt sound like he respects women in general or you in particilar.
Is there a history of sexist / misoginist behaviour by this prince among men?

SleafordSods · 17/01/2026 07:30

There is no way my DH would have let me do that OP. He might have joked about me losing my marbles but sat and watched me go out to fetch it? Not a chance.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 17/01/2026 07:26

Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:42

What has that to do with anything?

Show quote history

Am assuming him with that response, why did you then mention that it was you who laid out the school clothes?
what’s that got to do with anything?

Everydayimhuffling · 17/01/2026 07:25

I think it's fine for them to expect you to get the thing you had forgotten. That's not the problem here. The problem is your DH "doesn't like to be told what to do' so you don't feel you can ask him for a small favour, and the other problem is you being passive aggressive.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/01/2026 07:23

Agreed. I really hate this sort of hinting. I mean, DH probably would have gone for me anyway, but not because he'd think I'd had it harder than him because I'd gone to work, taken my kids 10 mins down the road for a takeaway, had a drink and forgotten it.

YourBreezyBiscuit · 17/01/2026 07:06

Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:48

No i didn't ask because he doesnt like to be told what to do. I just sort of slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again and he said yeah equality! We'd both had a couple of drinks so driving wasnt an option.

Show quote history

You didn't ask, you just passive aggressively slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again. What did you expect? Not many people would fall over themselves to offer to pick up something their spouse left somewhere. The passive aggressive martyrish behaviour alone would make me not want to go! If you want something ask!

Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 17/01/2026 00:57

jamandcustard · 16/01/2026 23:54

I don’t know. If DH left something at his brothers I’d think he was stark raving mad if he wanted me to go and fetch it for him 🫣

He did leave his phone there once and because he had been out at work that day and it was my day off I did actually offer to get it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 17/01/2026 00:53

ThisIsAGlobalPlayerOriginalPodcast · 16/01/2026 23:52

Working at home is still working.

Just saying.

It doesn’t sound like he likes you very much though.

Of course it is but it's different to my job. I leave the house at 7.30am while he and DC are still in bed. They get dressed with clothes I've laid out washed and ironed. Meanwhile he logs on, works hard I know, but sat in our nice warm house drinking copious amounts of tea, freedom to go amd have a pee anytime.

Yes I sound and am resentful and this must come out and you're right, he probably doesn't like me very much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 17/01/2026 00:46

Shinyandnew1 · 16/01/2026 23:58

No i didn't ask because he doesnt like to be told what to do. I just sort of slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again and he said yeah equality! We'd both had a couple of drinks so driving wasnt an option.

I'd have left it then if everyone had been drinking, and just gone in the morning instead.

I hadn't had chance to catch up on my messages and e mails etc and also like to have my phone (which was in my bag) for any emergencies. Xx

OP posts:
Minjou · 17/01/2026 00:11

It's not great. Both my brother and my DH (and my sons, I think) would have offered to get it for me.

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 23:59

Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:49

Yup and been 'out out' at work teaching. Xx

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So if you’re knackered I think it’s completely fine to walk through the door and say: BUGGER! I left my bag at DB’s. I’m so sorry but I’m shattered, I’ll make sure everyone gets settled to bed if you don’t mind popping back for my bag. I know it’s a total pig but I can’t do without it until tomorrow. I’m sorry, I would do the same for you and I will, please.”

Obviously he can say no. But you entertained the kids for the whole evening and it’s a walk he didn’t anticipate, but we do stuff for one another don’t we?

Sorry I didn’t get ‘out out’ I’m Welsh and that means ‘Get dressed up like a Christmas tree for a bar drink’!

Shinyandnew1 · 16/01/2026 23:58

No i didn't ask because he doesnt like to be told what to do. I just sort of slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again and he said yeah equality! We'd both had a couple of drinks so driving wasnt an option.

I'd have left it then if everyone had been drinking, and just gone in the morning instead.

jamandcustard · 16/01/2026 23:54

I don’t know. If DH left something at his brothers I’d think he was stark raving mad if he wanted me to go and fetch it for him 🫣

ThisIsAGlobalPlayerOriginalPodcast · 16/01/2026 23:52

Working at home is still working.

Just saying.

It doesn’t sound like he likes you very much though.

Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:49

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 23:47

Oh I thought he had cooked which made things different for me. Yes two people can walk ten minutes to exchange a bag (provided kids aren’t left at home alone). And you had walked the dog too.

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Yup and been 'out out' at work teaching. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:48

Shinyandnew1 · 16/01/2026 23:07

Are you saying you asked your husband to go and get your bag and he refused? That is a bit shit.

Could you have driven rather than walking around in the dark?

No i didn't ask because he doesnt like to be told what to do. I just sort of slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again and he said yeah equality! We'd both had a couple of drinks so driving wasnt an option.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 23:47

Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:45

He didn't host, it was just at his house, we got a takeaway. Xx

Show quote history

Oh I thought he had cooked which made things different for me. Yes two people can walk ten minutes to exchange a bag (provided kids aren’t left at home alone). And you had walked the dog too.

Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:45

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 23:03

I think it’s down to her and her DH to get the back back. Not the person who fed and hosted all night and it’s not their bag. Would you say the same if you’d left your bag with anyone but your brother?

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He didn't host, it was just at his house, we got a takeaway. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:43

Obscurity · 16/01/2026 22:58

My DH would never allow me to walk in the dark if he’s around to either come with me or just do the task for me.

Tbh even in the daylight he would have offered to go for me too.

Feel sorry for you OP.

Show quote history

Wow

OP posts:
Original poster
Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 23:42

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 16/01/2026 23:03

Who took the kids to school? Collected them?

What has that to do with anything?

OP posts:
Hello39 · 16/01/2026 23:09

Did you directly ask your dh to go?

Shinyandnew1 · 16/01/2026 23:07

Are you saying you asked your husband to go and get your bag and he refused? That is a bit shit.

Could you have driven rather than walking around in the dark?

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 23:03

Sometimeswinning · 16/01/2026 22:56

Poor thing! It’s her brother. Mine, would have definitely moaned. But he’d get it to me.

Show quote history

I think it’s down to her and her DH to get the back back. Not the person who fed and hosted all night and it’s not their bag. Would you say the same if you’d left your bag with anyone but your brother?

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 16/01/2026 23:03

Who took the kids to school? Collected them?

Obscurity · 16/01/2026 22:58

Chinsupmeloves · 16/01/2026 22:26

Today, I was out at work, did the shopping, while DH as usual wfh. I took the kids round to DB's after dinner and they had a great time. Came home about 9pm and I had forgotten my handbag amidst all the bags I was carrying plus walking our dog.

At this point I was tired, was annoyed at myself so asked if DB would walk half way to meet me and bring it. Would also have been nice if DH had offered to meet half way but wasn't expecting it. It's literally 10 mins and that little act of kindness would have meant a lot. But nope, my fault, neither could be bothered, so I went out again in the dark alone (not that this bothers me) to get my bag.

Just felt so disappointed in both of them. DH has had the whole day wfh (not a stressful one) and evening to himself and DB is between jobs. I, on the other hand, left the house at 7am, barely got a break at work, then went back out again with DC and eventually wanted to relax.

Would it really have been that much for them to leave the house they had been in all day and night to help me out?

My DH would never allow me to walk in the dark if he’s around to either come with me or just do the task for me.

Tbh even in the daylight he would have offered to go for me too.

Feel sorry for you OP.