Aibu for feeling upset tonight at DH and DB for being a pair of unhelpful gits?

@usedtobeaylis so in my example, you would have gone to get your husband laptop... if he intended to work first thing in the morning... Just because you're kind...

There is kindness and there is, letting others take advantage of your kindness.

Quite a lot. You're very dismissive and ignoring your husband doing every school run. You leave before the kids are even out of bed at 7.30.

Granted you've put their clothes out the night before, which is something I do to save time in the mornings and it takes 2 minutes.

He gets them up, dressed, washed, whatever they need for school, then does the school run. Does he collect them as well? And watch them while you're still at work/travelling home? That's a lot, that you call "sitting at home in the warm drinking tea" because he then works from home as well.

Who does dinner?

How is that even slightly the same? The op wasn't at the pub and the laptop would be needed in the morning. Most of us would probably not want to be without our phones overnight, rightly or wrongly
Pub or family home makes no difference at all. And indeed, rightly OR wrongly a phone isn't an urgent requirement in the evening or night.

So the analogy is perfectly comparable.

This, exactly. And not just in a marriage but in relationships in general.

I think what some people perceive as martyrs/mugs others view as basic reciprocal kindness in a partner.

I'm in the latter group. DH and I will often looks for ways to make the other one's life easier, even if it's not our job/our turn/our responsibility. We like each other, we look out for each other, we look for ways to make the other one's life a little easier, especially if we know they're knackered/stressed/whatever.

Examples: I foolishly left a gift card behind at the local Sainsbury's last night. I had to do another job this morning and I could have tacked it on but it was out of the way. DH immediately offered to go and see if it was still there and they'd give it to him.

Last weekend it was his turn to do the grocery shop but he'd had a beast of a week at work so I volunteered to do the shop so he could have some down time. Definitely not my favourite job but he's done the same for me in the past.

It's quite nice actually. Nothing martyrish about it - just a general sense of wanting to make your partner's life a bit easier/nicer.

How is that even slightly the same? The op wasn't at the pub and the laptop would be needed in the morning. Most of us would probably not want to be without our phones overnight, rightly or wrongly.

My brother would have offered; I would have declined, but he would definitely have offered. I would do the same for him.

My DH would also have offered, and whether or not I took him up on it would depend on whether I was more tired than he was.

Not everything has to be about sexual politics and scoring points about equality. Sometimes it’s just about people being kind to their loved ones.

Asking him to go isn't telling him what to do.

If you have to play games then clearly he isn't approachable or kind

Oh and your OH tell strangers the ne t day that you're a lazy git for not having gone to pick up his laptop 😅

Rurning it around: you've worked all week, comfy on the sofa on friday night, enjoying some orace and quiet. Your OH comes home after 9pm after a few drinks from work in a taxi.

Thet realise they left their laptop at work and intend to do some work over the weekend. They say 'oh no, I left my laptop in my office and can't drive after a few drinks.....' and then get pissed of and moody because their wives didn't offer to hop in her car to retrieve the laptop 15 minutes drive away....

I really think some women are so entitled, they realky live in kookoo land!

I'd have booked an Uber to pick the bag up and bring it to me. If nobody was going to meet half way. But they do sound most unhelpful and lazy.

But if my DP saw I was tired / knew I’d had a long day, he’d go and get My bag for me
Would you consider that THEY too might be knackered and not in the mood to go out again?

For all those saying he should have gone out. What if you were watching TV at 9pm, comfortable on the sofa, starting to feel sleepy. Would you get up if your teenager expected you to because they left their bag at their friends? What if your mum called and ask you to go to the shop 10mns walk away because she has a slight headache and needs paracetamol. Or your elderly neighbour who needs a special ingredient that you don't have at home?

I can't imagine anyone doing the above. In each instance, the likelihood would be a thread on here how people really take the piss with their selfishness and entitlement. So why are a number of posters e pect their husband to do it...just because they are a poor feeble forgetful woman and their husband should be there to do as they want and say?

Cycle, it would take 5 mins

also, OP, if your DCs are big enough to get themselves dressed they are big enough to sort out their own uniforms for the next day.

Just because you (seem to think you) do more family "chores" is no reason to huff and puff at your own daft actions and expect your DH to read your mind.

FWIW in your shoes I'd have gone back to get it, but my DH would probably have offered off his own bat.

Sorry but I'd hate to be married to someone like your DH!

I'm glad you're happy with him but I'm also glad we're all different.

I can see why you'd be annoyed but reading between the lines it sounds like you don't get much un-asked for kindness. Resentment doesn't spring out of nowhere.

Why not get your shopping delivered, one less stress

in that case, meh. it's on you.

firstly for not checking you had your bag and secondly for expecting someone to read your mind.

WFH isn't dossing around all day with your feet up reading bonbons. Am guessing that your DH also did both school runs?

In future, check, and if you do forget something like this again use your words to ask your DH or suck up your mistake.

Third thread I’ve read in the last hour which is based around a lazy cunt of a male partner

Quite. I walk to the gym in the dark, I walk home in the dark, I have no problem walking in the dark. But if my DP saw I was tired / knew I’d had a long day, he’d go and get My bag for me. Nothing to do with sex. But because he’s kind and we do lots of little favours for each other. In fact he’s far kinder than me and does so much for me.

He said"Yeah, equality" ???

What an absolute dickhead. And apart from this one instance, he's usually lovely and helpful and does more than his share of the household chores?

Mine would also have gone to get it instead of me
Why? Would you go if it was your 15yo son who left his bag at his friend?

What is so “wow” about this post? I completely agree with what was written - no way would my DH leave me to walk in the dark regardless of whether I felt ok about it or not. Mine would also have gone to get it instead of me.

It always amazes me how women love to use their supposed vulnerability to get men to do what they don't want to....when it suits them! Even when the OP states clearly that walking in the dark doesn't bother them but they were just...tired!