Aibu for feeling upset tonight at DH and DB for being a pair of unhelpful gits?

Thank you, I've literally just cried at your kind response! I need help i know. Thank you. Xxx

Some of these replies are mad..it's not that deep! It's not about feminism or equality or being strong independent women..it's about a spouse declining to do a nice, caring thing for his partner, and leaving aside the additional risks women face in this particular scenario,, it's really sad that so many people here seem to think that's somehow wrong, dependent, pathetic, needy etc.

Yes, exactly. I wouldn't volunteer to go out for DH in the dark and cold so I sure as hell wouldn't expect him to do the same for me.

If I wanted my bag that badly, I'd get it myself. If not, I'd ring my brother and tell him I'd drop round the next morning.

Clearly I live in a different world to many MN'ers but I'm surprised so many people would go out in the dark and the cold to do something totally non-essential for a grown adult who could quite easily do it themselves.

Well, I wouldn’t. I don’t even answer the intercom for my neighbour’s deliveries when I don’t want to even though it takes 2 seconds (and no I’m not one of those people scared of answering the door)

I don’t think it’s wrong to do nice things. I think it’s odd to presume your husband should do something like this and get annoyed when he doesn’t when you didn’t even ask him to

Some of these replies are mad..it's not that deep! It's not about feminism or equality or being strong independent women..it's about a spouse declining to do a nice, caring thing for his partner, and leaving aside the additional risks women face in this particular scenario,, it's really sad that so many people here seem to think that's somehow wrong, dependent, pathetic, needy etc.

I would genuinely do any of the scenarios you’ve suggested. Maybe not without question every time, but I wouldn’t mind being asked and I would want to help in those situations if I could.

It's the other way round, men are over twice as likely to be victims of stranger violence (from other men).

Today, I was out at work, did the shopping, while DH as usual wfh. I took the kids round to DB's after dinner and they had a great time. Came home about 9pm and I had forgotten my handbag amidst all the bags I was carrying plus walking our dog.

At this point I was tired, was annoyed at myself so asked if DB would walk half way to meet me and bring it. Would also have been nice if DH had offered to meet half way but wasn't expecting it. It's literally 10 mins and that little act of kindness would have meant a lot. But nope, my fault, neither could be bothered, so I went out again in the dark alone (not that this bothers me) to get my bag.

Just felt so disappointed in both of them. DH has had the whole day wfh (not a stressful one) and evening to himself and DB is between jobs. I, on the other hand, left the house at 7am, barely got a break at work, then went back out again with DC and eventually wanted to relax.

Would it really have been that much for them to leave the house they had been in all day and night to help me out?

But if my DP saw I was tired / knew I’d had a long day, he’d go and get My bag for me
Would you consider that THEY too might be knackered and not in the mood to go out again?

For all those saying he should have gone out. What if you were watching TV at 9pm, comfortable on the sofa, starting to feel sleepy. Would you get up if your teenager expected you to because they left their bag at their friends? What if your mum called and ask you to go to the shop 10mns walk away because she has a slight headache and needs paracetamol. Or your elderly neighbour who needs a special ingredient that you don't have at home?

I can't imagine anyone doing the above. In each instance, the likelihood would be a thread on here how people really take the piss with their selfishness and entitlement. So why are a number of posters e pect their husband to do it...just because they are a poor feeble forgetful woman and their husband should be there to do as they want and say?

Men are safer walking in the dark for starters….

My DH would also have offered, and whether or not I took him up on it would depend on whether I was more tired than he was
So it's up to you to judge who is more tired? How kind indeed!

Kindness is when person offers because they know they are less tired and the other trusting that they are as or more tired if they don't offer, rather than then moan and call them names.

Oh come on, i've been followed in the dark, and attacked in the dark, i am still not scared of walking in the dark because these things are rare

I know some mumsnetters are scared of the dark

That is very flippant and dismissive of valid concerns. Many women who are “scared” of walking out at night aren’t scared of the dark but have a healthy fear of the risk of men taking the opportunity to attack them when it’s dark and there’s less likely to be other witnesses/ good visibility

I was once followed home from the train station at 10pm by a man who said he had a knife- he wanted me to take him to my house. I lived with other women at the time and knew 2 of them were out. So I took him to the neighbours’ house (who were all men) and knocked as I had “forgot” my key. I was lucky that day as they could have been out, but they weren’t and scared him off and called the police for me.

I still walk home in the dark out of necessity but I’m a lot more cautious than I was before that incident. And my husband will always go instead/ give me a lift if it saves me walking alone at night.

Please be mindful of how you speak about these things as it comes across as being mocking of the many women who have been attacked while out after dark.