Not My Problem

You both look for new jobs that fit in with school run, whoever gets one first takes it
in the meantime you look for a mix of paid options (eg local 6th former or uni student) and begging once a week favour from family

I think you need to reconsider your whole setup, if he’s working full time and the breadwinner and you are working part time and earning much less but neither of you can pick up from after school club. This arrangement doesn’t make sense to me, usually the one working/earning less has more responsibility for the pick ups etc. Yes he shouldn’t just be putting it all on you suddenly but it sounds like you both need to discuss how it’s going to work going forward. The second week in a new job isn’t a great time for him to start saying to his new boss that he needs to leave early.

I think it’s bigger than this. OPs husband got the sack (from a role that was working well for the family) and not for the first time.

now he’s in the role he finds the work times aren’t predictable but he’s just (again) the passive victim and not taking any responsibility for the issues. No pushback at work to say he has to leave at a certain time to get his children. No other “solution” apart from something completely unsuitable to demonstrate his incompetence and force op to solve the problem.

You mean uterus.

I find the hostility between you both the biggest issue. It sounds like your dynamic is to blame each other for issues rather than work together to get a solution.

Oh gosh, I see what you mean about accountability. I’ll catch up but there does seem to be a deeper issue (with him!).

You are both her parents.

You should be working together to find a solution not battling about it, its not producing any helpful results, so sit down together and figure out instead of point the finger at each other

She is both your child, it IS your problem. It is BOTH of your problem. What is this juvenile, petty games some couples play?
Dc needs collecting and it needs sorting. Both of you need to give your heads a wobble, stop arguing like children and sort something out. Goodness me....

I have no idea why you’re getting a hard time here OP. I totally understand where you’re coming from.

It sounds like he’s been sacked from at least two jobs, and that in itself is frustrating. His actions have disrupted your life and, yes, you’re a team, but he’s adding avoidable difficulties into both of your lives.

By taking this role and presenting the childcare problem in this way, he’s made it a ‘you’ problem and I agree it’s for ‘him’ or you together to sort out.

Yes there are alternatives (childminders, clubs, condensed hours, nannies, etc) but that was on him to figure out before he accepted the role.

The only thing I disagree with is your comment about divorce rates. Yes, they’re high, but I don’t think that’s a problem. Honestly, I highly recommend it 😉

for my pennith, you are both being unreasonable. Picking up children isn’t a one person or the other problem, it’s a joint one. If his job has changed (and forget the whole who got the sack thing), you both need to work out the solutions together and come up with a joint plan.

he should not be expecting you to organise new pick ups, but it should be a joint and collaborative conversation.

I understand your anger, OP. Your husband made mistakes at work to the extent that his work no longer wanted to employ him. And it sounds like this has happened before at a previous employer. So its a reasonable assumption that he is not a responsible employee.

This has resulted in him taking a new job which gives both lower pay and longer hours (creating a childcare gap). He is reneging all responsibility for the childcare solution to you.

As an outsider, it sounds like he needs to grow up and take responsibility. As an employee (so he doesnt lose this new job) and as a father/husband.

This is different than a redundancy situation where it is a joint problem. HE caused the sacking. The first time it happened was a mistake but the second is a major character flaw. It’s pretty hard to get sacked. Changes need to be made and they need to be made by HIM.

Do school not do after school clubs or wrap around care? Ours does.

Oh I agree! It's not even a hard job!

I get it OP. And yes, it should be a joint problem to solve....DH created the problem, whether it was deliberate or not, whether it was his fault or not....so why is it your problem to solve?
Sometime I don't think men have the capacity to understand that it's just as much their responsibility and they should also be able to come up with a solution....why are you the only one capable? Rage away.....

I take it you’re aiming that at OP’s husband if he’s reading here?

But this is up to him to figure out and not for op to suggest

i think it can get so engrained that the wife is the house manager that the husband just sits back and waits

Why is it on the OP to find the solution?

The milk - he should order a delivery - it's slightly more expensive for the milk, but ends up cheaper than going to Tesco Express in a hurry and buying lots of snacks on top.

I think this should be an "us" problem. You both chose to have a family, it shouldnt be your sole responsibility for childcare if you both work.

I appreciate your frustration DH got sacked twice? And after this most recent one hes on less money at less agreeable hours? That sounds to me like he needs to ask his employer for some flexible working hours. If they decline, he needs to consider GPs or childminder or after school club. Or he needs to commit to looking for a more suitable job and you both may need to use some leave until then to manage the childcare.

Appreciate your frustration but making it a "him" problem will just cause more fights

Oh OP - I understand. I get the same, and the rage. Remember that you're both very stressed and Friday night is when you're trying to decompress after a long, hard week. It sounds as if you work very hard.

The grandparents might be too old and you can't rely on them. So there should be another solution.

What's worked for us when we didn't have the hour of cover between after-school club and getting home reliably:

1. search childcare.co.uk for young nannies e.g. students who would actually like 'small' jobs. They might prefer £20 for 90 minutes compared with £30 for three hours from another job.

2. try your personal networks - is there an older sibling at sixth form who would be up for doing the walk home and watching the children/giving them some snacks until a parent gets back. There aren't many solid jobs for teenagers any more so you can design it in a way that makes it good for them.

I agree with this. Work and childcare should be a team effort, both of you work on a solution. But you both clearly have a 'me vs you' attitude rather than 'us vs the problem'. He's come at it saying 'I've made this change which causes a childcare issue, you sort it out' which isn't on.

He argued he can't do anything. I asked why it's on me to sort it.

Focusing solely on this comment, YANBU. I still remember feeling enraged by my DH’s comment on ‘helping’ me with the DC. I said he wasn’t helping me, he was doing his bit as a parent!

So I’m in full support here @FumingFeline and you might be enraged all the more if his attitude has been bubbling under the surface of your lives and it’s only fully surfaced (along with your resentment) because of this current issue. It’d be his attitude of ‘it’s your problem’ that would trigger my ire. Possibly he's also feeling guilty and defensive for being fired. Men often hate feeling guilty.

All the mothers here pointing out it’s your shared responsibility must have brilliant marriages where everything is discussed and sorted together in lockstep. That is wonderful for them. In my world, it’s mothers who do the lion share of parenting. In fact, there’s quite a bit of empirical research that finds this to be the case for many many women.

I totally get why you’re pissed off. It’s a situation that you both need to sort out.
Having said that, I’d be pretty angry that this is the second job that he’s been sacked from and even more so that he didn’t have a conversation with the new employers before he started re needing to be around to pick your child/children up some times.
Brilliant that he found a job quickly (he shouldn’t have lost the previous one) but totally selfish to take a job so quickly that clearly doesn’t fit with your current set up. What a dick.

I feel you. I had this conversation with DP recently, I am sick of having to do all the hard stuff. Having to find permanent emergency childcare over a weekend due to a situation that a) wasn't your fault b) you were unaware of and c) shouldn't be your sole responsibility, is just another 'hard' thing you have to do because you have a vagina and birthed babies. I have no advice other than to do what you're doing and kicking up a bit of a stink about it (and the milk).