Not My Problem

He then said you'll have to ask another school mum to have her.

This is very weird: "you'll" have to do it, not "I will have to..." or "we will have to..." It does sound like he thinks the children are your responsibility and not his, even in a case where he has caused the problem. A long-term disruption of the children's routine is definitely a factor to be considered in deciding whether to take this job, and it doesn't take sound like he even discussed it with you before accepting. (As you said, how would you have ever guessed that his parents could no longer help as they always have?) It's fine for him to ask you to help brainstorm a solution, but do not take it on as a problem, and don't accept the downstream grunt work - he's equally well placed to ask the other mum to help, and probably more so to ask his parents.

Could you ask around including the school if any other parent could collect DC who lived near by? You would then have to pay them the hourly rate plus some petrol until DC can take public transport. The FIL sound a dangerous driver.

If you took the time to read the OP’s posts you would see that is exactly what she is saying - it is not “her” problem, it should be both of their problem however her DH just handed it to her to fix.

@FumingFeline, ignore this, it’s absolute bullshit.

I’m glad it’s all somewhat sorted but I get your anger. A childcare problem arising from his new job is not for you to fix alone, you’re not the magic solution maker. It’s something you should be able to work on together and i
absolutely would have responded as you did last night. Your DH also knows he was wrong, hence why he is now rewriting history by saying he only meant there would be a problem if your inlaws can’t do pick up.

OP I hear you. People are saying it’s for both of you to sort, and under ordinary circumstances that’s true but this has been a quick changes foisted upon your family and he’s leaving you to deal with the consequences of his actions. I see why that upsets you and I’m not sure why others can’t recognise that.

if he’s regularly losing his job and you’re forever having to rearrange your employment around his latest foray into whatever field is next that seems unfair without enough advance warning to allow you both to adapt appropriately.

This requires a conversation that is bigger than just childcare. He needs to recognise there are consequences to his behaviours and that you shouldn’t have to be cleaning up his mess while he moves forward.

I don’t have an answer to the problem at hand - something clearly needs to be done in the short term while you work on the larger issue.

You say it’s not your problem but it’s your child so it’s the problem both of you have

It doesn’t fully start until January 2027. From 1st April this year employees will have rights from day one, and from 1st January 2027 the threshold for unfair dismissal drops to six months.

Why is it not down to both of you to sort it out rather than Not my problem'. ?

Perhaps the answer is for him to say he cant take the new job and let you worry about bringing the money in.

EXACTLY!!

In the past I have employed a sensible older teenager to pick the kids up from school and oversee them till I got home in an “older sister” capacity.

I understand why you’re upset. It’s a shame he has come up to you with problems not solutions. You aren’t the one who changed the circumstances. It’s the expectation that you mind sorting it out that gives me the rage.

Why on earth is he getting sacked so often would be my worry?!!!! What the hell is he doing to be sacked not just once but continuously and in new jobs too?!!!
I don’t know anyone who is continually sacked - or that has been sacked at all!

Are you on the wrong thread Easterchicken?

I have a job I really love and am aware of what you can ask.
the point is if he had turned the job down would he have found something else so quick give he had been fired. If I was looking for another job but had a secure job so no rush to leave considering working hours etc wouldn’t be a problem because I would just continue in my job. That’s pretty normal Ime.

Yes I was about to say exactly this
"I have to finish at 5 today to get back for pick up"
Like all of us mums have had to say at some point

Years ago when we had big issues going on in our family that required my mum's full attention, and my dad couldn't take time off work they put me in a taxi to take me to and from nursery school. I remember it well - nice driver. Could you do this on the rare occasions when it's necessary? I don't know how old DC is - could they come home on public transport? Or have a bike?

You mean the posts where you are been unnecessarily awful about him??

If he was this way to you, saying these things the women of Mumsnet would be screaming abuse

If his new job is not comparable with his childcare responsibilities then he doesn’t accept it and looks for something that is.

I agree not your problem.

Can I ask do you actually like this man?? Every comment every single mention of him you are beating him down, making snide remarks and Jibes. If you are like this in person is it any wonder he just thinks "sod it I'll leave her to sort it" as any solution or suggestion he comes up with I assume you just beat down like you are doing here

This is really not a healthy relationship and your child/ren should not be witnessing such nasty interactions

The new job is 5:00 PM finish. It was advertised as so. This week he's been training with somebody and the only time they have finished roughly on time was when the other employee needed to get back for an appointment.

Is there a reason why he couldn't speak up and say he needs to finish at 5pm, as his job terms state, because he has to pick kids up from ASC? You know, like women have to do all the time?

People who are saying it's a joint problem/OP needs to work as a team with DH seem to be missing the point that the DH dumped the problem on her, when it was too late to solve, with zero effort at team work!! So the OP needs to be a team player, but DH is the only team mate she has...and he seems unwilling and incompetent.

I hope you both manage to find a solution OP.

You would have more problems if he didnt have a job and no money was coming in from him. You need to work together to find a solution. If you're only part-time why can't you adjust your hours.

Shouldn’t it be a joint problem? You’re a partnership, after all. Do you often sort issues out separately?
you need to sit down and think of your options - as a couple.