Not My Problem

Hope you get it sorted. Work life balance with a young family is not for the weak. Part of me misses the twilight shift because I didn’t have to get them ready for bed but that caused lots of issues I was unaware of in my house

If you say so

Your husbands an arsehole,

You could look for a Childminder near to you that would do the School pick up & your DH pick her up from there instead of the ASC. Some Childminders do work later. Ring your LA asking for a list of Minders in your area.

I am the higher earner in my relationship and when I took my current job a couple of years ago I knew I wouldn't be able to do the school run 1 day a week (I dot he rest). We discussed it together before taking it and agreed that I should still take it and my partner would do that one day a week. When he can't do it for whatever reason his parents do and I pick up from theirs. I am so sick of them making comments that my job is the issue and my job isn't flexible enough. My job is flexible 4 out of 5 days....your son's job is not even flexible 1 out of 5 days. It's not my job that is the problem here! But as the woman they think it's my responsibility to ensure childcare works.
Btw I'd be happy to pay someone else to do that one day but they do apparently want to do it.

What didn’t and didn’t happen with DH’s job is irrelevant. What’s relevant is when you have children, you both have parental responsibility and you are both equally responsible for that child or children. I’m so sick of reading posts where women are doing it all and men are behaving like
it isn’t 50% their responsibility too and washing their hands of it all. DH needs to agree a plan with you that works for you both and enables you both to
do drop offs and pick ups. Men are just lazy and don’t want the hassle and don’t want to take the responsibility because they see it as a women or mum’s responsibility. Little boys grow up!

I often think that posters read the headline & no further.

Since he’s bringing in more money, could he arrange to pay a trusted friend or neighbor to do this? His circumstances changed, not yours. Ideally, you’ll figure this out together, but ultimately it’s HIS responsibility since he is the reason the your previous arrangements don’t work anymore.

Sounds to me like the GPs have filled n this week and found it too stressful/tiring/time consuming or whatever. As a very hands on granny I can sympathise. It may be though that once the dust has settled they will agree to be part of your plan again.

Get a childminder to collect your DD when needed.

You silly, silly poster

It's good he found another job so quickly and luckily.
Maybe that's why he hasn't discussed it together because he felt he had to take the job regardless.
I do understand you feeling pissed off about him not taking your job into consideration but maybe it was a need this job have to take it deal with consequences later situation .
Just needs to cool down a bit then hopefully you will both work it out .. you could say don't assume your roll in the family is less than his just because he earns more you are both equal .

Can I ask whether you are illiterate?

"Negligence potentially causing death to bystanders. This is why it was instant dismissal. He had a disciplinary resulting in a warning the same week he was dismissed, for the same thing."

I get the seriousness, but was the mistake the kind of thing anybody could do easily even though it could lead to death like like not closing a fire door because you're used to leaving it open? That's the kind of thing that would take me time to learn to change because I do things on autopilot.

Sounds quite stressful for both of you.
Him getting sacked, now starting in a new job with different hours and GP pulling out.
Id guess you are also carrying all the above stress and not happy about how it’s all turned out.
From a logistical point, I understand why husband might want you to approach a parent and not him.
Historically, you’ve done all the drop offs and most of the pick ups, I’d guess you know the parents better than he does ?
This was the case when I worked PT. I was often asked to pick up other children and likewise, on the odd occasion I needed help, I knew the mums I could call on. My husband didn’t know the other parents as he hardly ever dropped off or picked up.
I suspect it’s not just him assuming you will sort out the pick ups that’s actually the problem here ??
I hope you manage to get it sorted.

To be honest I would just be relieved he had another job and I would be willing to cover this if I could all for men sorting things but right now getting established in this job needs to take priority , ad for asking other people maybe he doesn’t have those connections with other parents etc ? My husband wouldn’t. Maybe it’s been a stressful time and this is the last straw but genuinely I don’t think you can’t be that inflexible his routine has changed so your routine will change

It's great he has got a new job so quickly and this has meant new arrangements have to be made for DC. A longer term plan is needed of course, most of us have to adjust our usual lives at some point.

Can you change your work schedule in any small way, can his parents continue to help, find a childminder? Xxx

There are people who will pick up children from school in the afternoons, and take them home til you (or he) finish and go to collect. I know cos my next door neighbour does this. You might be able to take turns collecting. Obviously you have to pay for this.

But that is the OP's point. It is their problem. But her husband has effectively turned around and said it is solely her problem to sort out.

This is so over the top, it's clearly not her fault, but it's her family and children as well. They both are being childish, in a marriage you need to support and work together, and both need to resolve if the employers will not be flexible.

I doubt they can survive on a part-time salary, so they need to find help or after school care or it will be the children that suffer.

I don’t get the anger directed to the op I really don’t.
Put it this way, if a woman who had been sacked from 2 separate jobs, took a job which meant she could not look after her DCs, then just told her husband that he was the one who would have to deal with it, I doubt very much if posters would be saying she was right. In fact I think they would find her very unreasonable.
Unfortunately this is yet another example of male entitlement. He won’t even ask his parents to help out as it inconveniences him.
Yet these same attitudes are the ones criticising women who don’t make sure they are financially independent.
Damned if you do and dammed if you don’t.

No wonder there is a decline in the birth rate.
And no, it hasn’t a problem for the mother to sort out. It’s HIS problem. He created it.

The op has said it’s very likely he is just trying to get out of doing the pick up from his parents.

Basically lying about the issue to make the op find a solution for a problem that doesn’t actually exist.

Probably because he is leaving it totally up to OP to sort out a solution. She has no solution and was the one with the existing and known work hours.

It reads like he wasn't aware the finish time would vary when he accepted the position. However he sounds like a waste of space.

I don’t understand why it’s not a problem for you both to solve together. People change jobs/hours all the time. Yes, his job change was the result of a mistake he made but what’s done is done. Work together to find a solution. You might need to change the childcare option you use, like a childminder who can manage a late pick up instead of ASC.

It sounds like you have a very confrontational relationship. You’re a team. Talk through your options together and come up with a plan.