To feel I’ve failed DD because she has no friends

Just be there for her for now. Secondary school has a much wider range of people to make friends with as its so much bigger and they make the effort to encourage new friendships in year 7 so she will have opportunities and everything could change then. So dont worry.

In my experience of working in schools, she’ll make new friends at high school. Hang on in there.

I also echo several others - get your DD involved in clubs outside of school life. DS 10 goes to rugby, a certain hobby club, learns a musical instrument every week and has a match at weekends relating to his sport. All enable him to build friendships with others away from a school environment.

They get to meet a bigger group in high school.

Both of mine had this in primary school, as did I.

Dd is 17 and now has lots of good friends. Did have some dips during secondary when she was on her own.

DS 11 had a good start at secondary school- now had a bit of an issue with one boy which is a bit sad (seems to be briefing against him to others) but it’s early days.

I have friends as an adult but struggled at primary and even at Uni. At secondary I was lucky in that I met nice people at the start and we all sort of shielded each other.

Idk, I’ve sort of accepted we are an ND bunch and struggle in those confined environments where everyone is forced together every day.

To echo PPs, it will improve in secondary. Cliques get broken up and lots of new people added to the mix. I was worried about friendships in yr6 too, but he's now yr8 and has found his tribe and his confidence.

My Dd is 11 and has just started secondary and has made loads of new friends already. I am sure it will be different for her in secondary, more opportunities to find her people!

Possibly she is shy? Shy people are so difficult to match together- and they are usually aproached by outgoing people that dominate them. As they are too shy to aproach each other.

She’s only 11 she will have more friends as she grows up

My son is autistic and has very few friends at primary. Was often the target of low-level bullying and was often on his own. He's just started secondary school and I was absolutely dreading it, but he's really found his feet and actually had six boys over for his birthday last weekend.

If it’s any consolation OP, friendships often go awry in year 6 anyway, particularly with girls, so even if she had had close friends the whole way through primary, those would likely becoming unstuck a little this year anyway.

Once she’s off to secondary school she will find her tribe and parents mingling and arranging play dates at the school gates is a thing of the past.

Dont fret x

What does she want to do that's not viable?

Enrol her into group activities: guides & team sports

I think the best thing you can do is to model having healthy friendships — it doesn’t have to be school parents, just friendships in general.

Do something together kill 2 birds horse riding cycling archery metal detecting, chess all have clubs - the world is your otster6

She still has plenty of time, it isn’t that unusual nowadays, hopefully she’ll find her tribe soon.
It take longer for some children to branch out p.

My DD, 13 was very similar, struggled with friendships in Primary School and declined to attend outside activites etc, etc. However, she found a good group of friends in secondary school and shes thriving.

I agree with PP, whilst school is important for academic achievement it isn’t the be all and end all. So whether your DD is in primary or secondary it is very important to have activities outside of school. This ensures that when there are any friendship struggles in school (and they’ll be many!) she has her activities with others away from school to keep her from feeling lonely, unworthy and unnecessarily sad.

Keep looking for suitable clubs so all her eggs are not in one basket!

My DD hated all clubs apart from the theatre school I signed her up to when she started yr7. Her Sat class includes dance, acting and singing. She’s made great friends there and all local to home. She often meets up with this group in the holidays to go shopping or cinema etc….

Does your DD have a talent or specific interest in something? That will help with finding a suitable club.

My daughter is also 11. We have middle school here so she moved up in Year 5. Honestly transformed her. She met loads of new people and has a big social circle now. In first school she was very limited to a couple of close friends. Hopefully it will be the same when your daughter moves to secondary.

Thank goodness. I’m really looking forward to that.

Does she do much outside of school? My eldest DD is in Y4 and was fine in KS1 but has increasingly struggled with the whole mean girls cliques as they start to develop. TBH although she feels a bit lonely I’m genuinely happy she’s not been pulled into all that tangled mess. Anyway, she does a couple of clubs outside school and has found friends from both and we have play dates with them. That is a helpful reminder that school isn’t everything and there’s a big world of people out there, many of whom she will connect with.
As others have said hopefully secondary will help - new people, more structure, more clubs and opportunities to meet her tribe.

The other thing about secondary school is friendships are very much led by the children, there just isn't that school gate mum thing so any guild you feel about not being in that crowd can safely be thrown in the bin where it belongs. You really are just needed for lifts or being open to friends coming to your house but no requirement to create these experiences.

Yr 7 will bring a big change to friendships. Also if they are offered joining a few after-school activities, sport, drama, languages... What ever she fancies, even if she one does them for a term. It will open up the friendship options.
I met my closest school age friends in activities away from school completely though, so if you can get her to some of those then that's something you could start now, dance, scouts ...

It's worth thinking about what you're bringing to this. You are already feeling guilty and like it's your fault -but it sounds like it's not for want of trying on your part. It might be more something from your past that's getting triggered, and you're also feeling left out by school mums. It's really important we can separate our own historical things from what's actually going on for our kids. Don't get me wrong i'd be very upset and worried too but if your DD is ok with her one friend and youre helping her navigate nasty girl cliques then maybe that's ok for now ?