Pervy FIL or just accept it? UPDATE PAGE 6

Well done OP
I came here to suggest that you practise your verbal responses ( in private) because that makes it easier to handle situations in the moment.
Discuss with your DH what your boundaries could be, and the consequences for crossing them.
eg ‘ FIL - I don’t want you to xxx, and if you do, (or do it again ) I will xxx’

Be careful with that - you could be giving the opportunity/excuse to pass it off as pregnancy hormones and that can't happen because that's giving him a green light to continue.

I'm confused why you wouldn't tell your husband?!? He can run interference for you.

I would no longer hug or anything, I would instead say you feel like your coming down with something so you'd rather not get too close and stay away. His wife and daughter will understand. I'd also arrange other stuff when they visit - oh dear so sorry I have a clash, will be leaving at xyz then scarper.

You need to tell your husband though.

As someone said he way be starting with dementia but it's not an excuse, he still knows right from wrong.

I would say out loud what he's doing every time, in a firm but light hearted way, so that everyone is aware what he's doing. It could embarrass him into stopping

Your MIL & SIL stood in silence, this speaks volumes my love. Please, and aggressively say NO! Dementia or not, he is putting HIS hands on YOUR body inappropriately and no-one around you is helping, although seeing it. Find your voice foremostly, get DH to address this with his family and get a GP appointment

If not dementia, then I'd have thought a swift knee in the groin a lasting solution.

When he next reaches out to you, and for your own peace of mind and safety tell him firmly.........NO PHYSICAL CONTACT and BACK OFF NOW.

Make sure you do say it firmly because he may think he is in with a chance and overpower you.

How has DP committed to tackle this @MyLilacCritic? How will he step up for his wife under attack and his unborn child? Dementia or not - you need to be the priority here. Your DH needs to step in to protect and support you directly - and intervene if his DF is in cognitive decline. You shouldn’t have to deal with another minute of this stress especially whilst pregnant.

Call him out immediately !

Dave ! Did you mean to sound so pervy

Dave do you realise where your hands are?

This sounds awful OP!
as other commenters have said, tell DH asap.
whether it’s dementia or not, you deserve to feel safe and comfortable always.

So true. I'm sorry about your mums diagnosis.

I admit I was in a rush when reading the original post. I missed one of the important points involving the hip grab. This definitely needs to be addressed whatever the cause. It's difficult to get a person who exhibits this initial unusual sexualised behaviour to agree to tests if everything else appears completely normal and worse if extremely physically fit & still driving etc. I've no idea how people take things forward in this respect. Perhaps there are others here who can help.

Yes, l know. Mum underwent them and was referred for diagnosis - turned out to be vascular dementia. But there has been no testing of OP’s FiL, and until there is, they won’t know. OP said this has only happened since FIL has been ill, and at his age the illness could have been the trigger.

Totally Agree!

I said he may or may not be one of the 3%. Lack of inhibition is undoubtedly an early sign but the over all picture is for a Doctor to decide. They have specific tests they do during a consultation & they know whether to take it further.

That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be tested for it. Because he may be one of the 3%. My mum was when she exhibited similar sexual disinhibition. It’s a recognised red flag. What is the point of the drive to recognise the early symptoms of the onset of dementia if we’re going to gloss over it and go straight to ‘he’s a perv’ ?

Yes I was thinking this .
My friends dad would say inappropriate things to his daughters .. he honestly was a lovely man and an amazing dad to them.Sadly it was dementia doctors had explained this can happen.
Although that doesn't mean you have to be in this situation it's very uncomfortable and off putting.
I'd talk to hubby don't assume he will be hurt there are ways you can say things he'd be upset if he knew you hadn't confided in him x

The fact is only 3% of people age 70-74 in the UK have dementia. According to many mumsnet posters they all have it 🙄
I'm sorry you are being made to feel like this OP. Try staying back from the hello goodbye hugs & wear loose clothing when around him & see if that helps.

Having said this I'm not saying He is not amongst the 3% although I think I'd need more proof before making that diagnosis to his son. It would be a very upsetting thought for him His father's behaviour may or may not be due to dementia especially given it's a very small minority in his age group. I'd tread lightly on that one without more proof.

Next time tell him politely not to touch you like that. Don't worry about embarrassing him because he doesn't care about making you uncomfortable. If you don't say something he will think his behaviour is acceptable to you and next time might be a grope in a room when you are alone with him!!!

My FiL was like this after MiL died. I think he just wanted comfort but rubbing his hands up and down my body was horrible. He was always a bit too touchy feely for my liking but this was too much.
I developed a giraffe neck. Part of me felt sorry for him and I would have given him a hug but it went too far for me and so he basically lost pretty much all physical affection as I was the only female in his life and men don’t hug men you know. His stance.

Find your anger and TELL him CALMLY and FIRMLY "Do not touch me" clearly and loudly enough for all around to hear.

Speak to your DH. If ANYONE was making me uncomfortable like this my husband would not stand for it. No matter who they were.

I’d be wearing hoodies and jeans around him so he can’t perv at me! Also try to be less available to see them, send your DH alone and don’t sit or stand anywhere near him when you do have to see him

Yes, she doesn't have to suffer it either way. However, whether or not to be angry with FiL about does change depending on whether he can help it or not.

A dog walk is the PERFECT time for a serious chat, neither of you actually properly looking at each other, you can both just talk and it doesn't feel as confrontational as sitting down face to face.

We used to talk serious stuff over a jigsaw for the same reason!

I'm glad he listened and was receptive about it, hopefully you can formulate a plan for how to deal with it going forward.

Well done for recognising the issue, posting here and then taking action. The most important person is you and your baby who doesn’t need the stress hormones flooding their system. I don’t know what plans your DH has to support you - but I would just use your pregnancy to put in loads of distance. Opt out of as many meet ups as you can. Is your DH going to talk to his DF & DM together on your behalf?

I am sorry this happened to you.