Pervy FIL or just accept it? UPDATE PAGE 6

@MyLilacCritic That's awful, I am so sorry for both your losses. 💐 Take some time off work and allow yourself to grieve.

Such behaviour was written about in one of the Clayhanger novels (written very early 1900s IIRC) by Arnold Bennet - the fictional elderly father started behaving very inappropriately to a housemaid.

Bennet had presumably witnessed the progress of dementia first hand, from the earliest signs. Only then it was called ‘softening of the brain’.

You don’t have to search for page 6. You click “see all” on OP’s original post and then just go to the latest update. Takes about 5 seconds.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. Be kind yourself and accept offers of support. Just take it one day at a time. 💐

It's the OP who also needs support, surely, she lost her baby.

I think OP would be better off having this thread deleted and a new one started. Some people’s inability to post sensibly is turning it in to a car crash.

Actually notwithstanding the update, the title is confusing, because we are all using different devices and Page 6 doesn't exist on my iPad, so it would have been helpful if the OP had started a new thread. That's quite some update and easy to miss.

@MyLilacCritic really sorry about your news, and I hope you are getting all the RL support you need especially from your DH

Apologies OP, just seen the update. I hope you can get some help working through these issues. XXX

Edit after uodate

So sorry to read your update @MyLilacCritic sending you both my sincere sympathy💐

You really shouldn't have this burden weighing on you and spoiling your happiness with your DH. Having to worry when you can bring it up, what your husbands response will be, is very unfair.

i would have thought your DH would notice his DF touching you inappropriately and want to step in and defend you. Is he always this passive?

I would choose a time you know you won't have any demands or distractions. T doesn't matter if it ruins one weekend, it actually shouldn't, it should feel cathartic to you to get this problem out in the open and express your concerns and ask your DH to support you in either not having to visit your PIL or for him to set the boundaries really clearly with his DP. You shouldn't have to do that!

Has your FIL died? You work through your grief of both loses, together. My Mum changed in personality as her death from cancer was getting closer, I'd be kind to your DH by thinking it was age/cancer/looming death etc. Get through each day by supporting each other.

Can we please just focus on the update from OP.

Oh OP I am so sorry.

I had both a miscarriage at 19 weeks and lost my baby daughter at 9 months old. When these losses are raw you think that you will never get over them and will never be happy again. All you can really do is ride out your pain and grief and very slowly you will start to feel a little less sad. It's now 35 years since my baby died and I still think of her often. Be kind to yourself and grieve in your own way whatever that might be - everyone is different, do whatever helps the most.

You must have mixed feelings about your FIL which must make his passing more complicated for you, but I think all you can do is try to be there for your DH which I know will be difficult when you are mourning your own loss too. Xx

If you can see a post trending in February that was written in January then maybe stop and think before you comment?

HTH

What a very very sad update I'm so very sorry for you and your DH.

No, @DotAndCarryOne2 , it's honest.I've also worked in dementia care for decades, and had to deal with a really manipulative and entitled man whose filthy comments and bottom touching/stroking/comments were laughed off by older staff, who disgracefully looked down on younger staff who bore the brunt of his sexual assaults. Fascinating that whenever I paired up with his favourite young carer and pointedly said I would wash and change him he was extremely pissed off, ditto when I told him he was perfectly capable of applying his creams to his groin himself. Sexual assault is sexual assault, yet so many women on here suggesting wearing baggy clothes, pleading pregnancy heightened senses and not rocking the boat is just awful.

That was my first thought. ‘Inappropriate’ behaviour is often a feature.

I'm here.
Are you ok?

I have suffered pregnancy loss too op, so I wanted to reply. I am thinking of you and hope you and your DH can support each other through this terrible time.
He sounds like a good man, I also hope you can keep talking to each other to help yourselves heal.

@Moveoverdarlin I know that a lot of MN posters take great offence at being told to read the whole thread (or at least OP's updates), but this is one of those times where it is entirely appropriate for you to do this.

Condolences on your losses OP.

So sorry for your losses

This is terrible advice 😂

What an unbelievably difficult time you're in. You've got a lot to process. It sounds like you and your DH are lovely people so be kind to each other and to yourselves. You will get through it, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.