Is this normal at nursery or are they not looking after DD?

Wow, everyone saying 3yo should be competent wiping 🤯🫣 we are still helping my 4.5yo. I think it’s stage not age and also dependent on how soft their poos are.

I'd mention to the teachers that look after her rather than management. If I was a teacher I’d be annoyed you went over my head for a request such as this.

Staff are being lazy.

This was the thing I ever complained where myDS was sent home in a soiled nappy and his bottom was incredibly sore so have been there for a while. It’s good she’s enough Rd to wipe herself first but they should make she is clean.

It's hard at that age because they quite often pop to the toilet without even mentioning anything to the staff, in a large busy classroom it would be impossible to know when every child has been to the toilet unless you permanently have a member of staff in the toilets which won't happen.

You can mention it to them but they probably won't be able to guarantee it unless your daughter specifically asks them to help, I certainly wouldn't complain as a PP has suggested.

Hi OP. My DD is 2.5 and she was recently trained. She is quite scared still of doing a poo on the toilet. She often holds it in for so long that it starts to come out then she will go at the last minute so her underwear is always soiled (daily) this is something the playgroup and I are working on and she is becoming more confident. Could it be similar. They do change her. Every time. I send 3 pairs a day.

Not for the first time I’m glad we picked a small private nursery where they absolutely do check if 3yos have shit caked all over their underwear or need help after toileting.

Our3 to 5 children go to toilet on their own. It's parents responsibility to potty train which includes cleaning themselves. We have 88 kids someone is always pooping we don't have enough staff to have a bum cleaner permanently in toilet area. Keep showing her what to do by herself. She will get it. Unless she smells staff wouldn't know she isn't clean.

3 and 4 year olds might not do a brilliant job, but if they're at nursery/school they have to get on with it. Teachers can't be wiping 30 bums, children use the toilet independently.

Amazed by the ages people are saying their kids could wipe well. One of mind was good at wiping, the other trained at two but was easily 5 before she could so anything like a decent job. Shes petite with short limbs and it was painful to watch, like she just couldn't reach. She would often make it worse. Something about the reach & angle & motion required was just beyond her.

She had excellent fine & gross motor skills just couldn't do a good job of it! She was better at tying her shoelaces than wiping her arse at age 5. No kidding.

A lot of childcare settings will do as little aa possible to help because they need the children to get in the habit of doing it themselves

My daughter is 4yrs 3mths and I still wipe her if she has done a poo.She wouldn't have the coordination to do it herself yet i don't think and would likely end up with it all over her hands, especially after a messy one 🙈
My eldest daughter was wiping after a poo completely independently probably by end of reception (she was 4.5 when she started- school staff had no issue helping her)
All other aspects of toileting both were independent earlier (wiping after wee, flushing, putting lid down and washing/drying hands)

I’d say 6 months on from toilet training is about right for being able to wipe reliably and properly. I did similar to other posters - let my son have a go then did a “did you leave some for me to clean?” routine where he was very proud to have left me nothing.

That said, we used moistened wipes at home which were infinitely easier than dry (cheap) toilet paper at nursery.

I think at nursery they should be wiping or at least checking after the child has wiped herself. But I have heared some nursery workers mention they hesitate to check closely with a child no longer in diapers, because it could interfere woth the child' s privacy. I always tell children to bend over a bit so I can check if their bum is totally clean so they wont have to worry about skidmarks in their knickers. Never any problem 😊

Neither of mine have been properly able to wipe after a poo at that age. They physically struggle to reach for a start, and certainly couldn’t do a thorough job with anything that required multiple wipes. Neither have ever come home from nursery caked in poo or with soiled pants as I assume (never had to have the discussion) the nursery staff help make sure they are clean.

This is a private nursery, but there are kids at the school nursery still in nappies at this point.

At 3 she is a bit old - It’s normal for them to wet themselves but not to be soiled. Suggests either the nursery are not wiping properly or she is trying to and failing (my son was wiping well by 3).

3 year olds tend to use the toilet pretty independently at nursery, staff aren't going in to the cubicles with them. So unless your DD is asking for help they will leave her to it.
Remember each adult has 8-13 children to care for.

What's dd like at home. At 3 she should be able to wipe but nursery should be monitoring her.

They should be wiping or helping her to wipe and making sure she does it properly. I would complain.

School nursery is different to private day nursery- at private nursery, they'd wipe. In school, children are expected to be able to do it themselves. If a child has accident, staff will clean the child in line with their intimate care policy- however, this takes two adults which is difficult in a classroom setting.

Mum of three here. Nursery should be making sure her bum is totally clean, or she’ll get sore ! Nursery age preschoolers aren’t all able to fully clean themselves ! I would say most cannot.

My son’s been trained from April and this has never ever happened to him. Seems unusual to me ….

If its a preschool like ones attached to the primary school then they usually encouraged to wipe themselves.

I'd help dd to practise at home

Our local preschool (ages 3+) would expect children to wipe themselves and wouldn't intervene unless a child had completely soiled themselves.

It can vary a lot. I encouraged mine to wipe themselves from the start, and I did a 'check wipe' until it stopped been nessecery. For both of mine it took about 6 months for them to become competent wipers, but one child trained at 2.5 and was competently wiping by 3, whereas the other trained at 3.5 and was closer to 4 before I stopped checking.

From that (very small) sample, I'd say it's more stage then age. Some 3yo will be fine and some won't. If they know she's recently trained, then they should be checking, though I can see how they might loose track of who can/can't if they're shepherding a group of 3yo's to the toilet. Just mention it.

Day nursery or school nursery/pre-school?

Day nursery, yes I'd expect them to wipe.
School nursery, bit more of an overseeing/give pointers/help only if needed or are obviously making a mess!

If toilet training starts at 2.5 they should be well capable by 3.

I've worked in both settings. Day nursery where they do up to 10 hour days is much more care based.

I think giving in some toilet wet wipes in with her and say she is missing bits after her poo, might alert them without you feeling you are having a go at them, when i worked with pre schoolers we tried to encorage wiping themselves for 3 year olds.