Is this normal at nursery or are they not looking after DD?

I as a nursery practitioner will always offer to check them even if they say they can do it themselves. but most children will ask for help if they need it. If she is going in a toilet cubicle and able to fully independently accsess the toilet is it maybe she is not saying that she needs wiping and just pulling her pants up. Maybe mention to the nursery to check with her. Don't know what the toilet lay out is but where I work we have to go out of the room to the corridor to acsess the toilets so someone is always there.

Where I live, the required ratio is 1:4 for babies, 1:8 for 2 year olds, and 1:10 for 3 and 4 year olds, in daycare (full day program).

There are also maximum group sizes - the maximum group size for 3 year olds and 4 year olds is 20. For 2 year olds, the maximum group size is 16.

Rooms, apart from baby rooms, are required to have bathrooms and children must be supervised in the bathrooms at all times. Teachers can be in the bathroom and also looking into the classroom.

Preschool/ part time programs have different regs.

As a nursery worker, I would be mortified to learn your child is coming home soiled. Please do tell them, as I assume they will want to do anything they can to help. If there is a rough time she would normally go for a poo, ask them to accompany her in for a check around that time, and also reinforce that she tell an adult if she needs a poo so they can support.

With regard to when they should be capable of wiping, I have worked with upper primary school kids who poo and run because they are so keen to get back to their games/friends, regardless of what they do when at home! Persevere, she'll get there 😊

Is it definitely from not wiping properly? At that age my DD often had messy knickers, but it was because of constipation, even though she was still seemed to be ‘regular’. She was also completely unaware of it happening. It was often more of a problem during the day than in evening or at night. I would raise it at nursery in a non-accusatory way and see if it still occurring frequently even with an eye being kept on it.

Yes it is. If depends on the service but I'm not in UK and work in a government 3 hour funded service. I work 1:11, so 2 adults to 22 children aged 3 and 4. If I am in the toilet wiping a bum in the morning my colleague is at 1:21. Imagine minding 21 little children. Now imagine if every one of those kids goes to the toilet at some stage and is fully supervised, one person is 1:21 for a very long period. So no, we don't accompany kids to the toilet or know who did a poo unless we are called and asked to help. The reality is no parent wants their child to spend their day as one of 21 with 1 adult so they shouldn't expect their child to be fully supervised in the toilet either. The ratios are shocking.

My son used to have a bit a problem with consistency. He could wipe fine but then always came home with marks on his underwear. Poor child just had a leaky bum which he did grow out of.

Talk to them. I work in this area but in a preschool room where the children are 3, the criteria is they need to be toilet trained before they arrive. The children toilet independently and we don't go in with them unless they call for help. We dont check their underwear. It's different if they are involved in the toilet training process, in that case they should be supervising her wiping, not wiping for her as she needs to learn. Either way you need to talk to them, you have to find out what's going on. It could also be a sign of a slight incontinence that could be a medical issue where people leak a little after wiping.

Take it up with the government 😂

Their job is to care for lots of 3 year olds though, not just one. If one child has gone to the toilets and the adult is doing an activity or supervising another 10, they're not going to be following that one child into the toilet unless they ask for help.

We still wipe for my 5yo, but both him and his brother just never went at nursery or school, I can't remember if that's always been their routine or if they adjusted once they started

I can't remember what age we stopped wiping for the eldest, but now (at 12) he would be horrified at the thought of us doing it, and has clean pants so I'm not concerned about the youngest still needing us to do it

Is she in the preschool room? As previously mentioned by other posters the ratio is 1:8 this means you can't supervise every single toilet trip. If they need help we teach them to ask for it. If they are gone for more than a couple of minutes, they will be checked on and this is when you find out it wasn't just a quick wee. Staff shouldn't be standing over 3 4 year old while they poo. They need privacy and to learn about body autonomy. I gentle "need any help in there" can be said but no adult can insist to check a child's bottom without thir consent. If a child says no then that has to be respected. Mostly children will shout and accept adult help willingly but others just dump and run. They want to get back to playing. If your child is one of those then staff will welcome you expressing the concern because chances are they won't have washed their hands either. So no it's not normal to be knowingly left in dirty pants but reasonably common for it to happen and staff not be aware.

My 8 year old still gets skids haha and my 4 uear old I wipe his bum

From experience as an adult never mind a toddler soilage can happen even if you wipe yourself, in nursery I don't ever remember being helped to wipe bottom, was probably taught at home like I was taught to count and write alphabet before I started nursery

Nursery nurse here. I think as a 1 off it does happen. At 3 they are in a 1:8 ratio and it's pretty common for the children to take themselves to the bathroom.

That said, if it's recurring definitely mention it. She's newly toilet trained, so while staff may let her go to the toilet alone, personally I would check in on her after a minute or so for exactly this reason.

I'm in preschool at the moment and some children who are 4 can wipe confidently. But Many just get distracted by the excitement of unravelling toilet roll and make a right pigs ear of it. I think Reception is more of the age where it clicks, and even then there are times they may struggle (eg diarrhoea).

Start teaching her to wipe herself but also encourage her to ask the staff to help her. Asking for help is a HUGE life skill in early years. And mention it to the staff, please!!! They won't be offended.

I’m surprised by people saying that children should be able to wipe properly by 3. Neither of mine were physically able to reach at that age.

I had this exact issue with my nearly 3 year old last week. I had noticed he was coming home with skiddy pants here and there, then one week it was most days.

I emailed the nursery manager to ask about the procedure and explained what had happened - avoiding any confrontational language - I got a very reasonable reply back with what would be done.

I think the issue is that some kids confidently take themselves off to the toilet - which is great - but don’t always announce when they’ve done a poo so they can get help wiping. I do wonder if some of the staff are more thorough at wiping than others, but if that’s the case at least I’ve drawn attention to the issue.

I wouldn't go to management without talking to her key worker or the room leader first, it's overkill for what is a relatively minor issue.
Not sure why you would want to go over their head, when they are the ones who will be able to tell you what's happening day to day.

Is she letting them check? We aren’t really allowed to say anything more than ‘do you need help wiping?’ If they say no, we usually say ‘Do you want me to check?’ and that’s it. If they still say no, we aren’t allowed to continue asking or say things like ‘oh you should really let us check’ etc because it can be misconstrued if they’ve already said no.

All nurseries and pre-schools have a personal care policy and you’ll find they all say child voice and consent is very important. You can be really surprised how much more independent some children act within school - I’ve worked with children who adamantly refuse all toileting help at preschool and parents are shocked because at home they are basically still changed like a baby. We really can’t insist on supporting a child - no means no. I would start by asking if this is the case?

I hate the attitude of ‘the staff are busy and don’t have time to do X’ - literally their job is to care for very small children and helping wipe bums is part of that surely?! My 3 children were nearer 5 before they could reliably wipe (and by reception I did make a big priority of making sure they could as I don’t think a teacher should be doing this for them by that age, unless additional needs are at play- but at 3 years it really isn’t the same).

That is a ridiculous ratio.

There's such a difference between 3 and 4 year olds. The expectations of 3 year olds' capability wrt wiping are wildly unrealistic.

I'd say a three year old would need to be checked every time, and an adult would need to help.

At four a child should be getting the hang of it but wouldn't be reliable for messier poops.

A child of three doesn't have the cognitive ability to perform this self care properly every time with widely varying consistency of poop.

Your child's nursery is neglectful. You should tackle them.

My son was nowhere near able to wipe as young as most of the kids here. However he also never soiled himself at that age. Sometimes wet himself during training, but not once did he soil himself. Even after he learnt to wipe I would do a check at the end to be super sure. Maybe he has tiny t-Rex arms or something, but he always looked like he struggled reaching.

Child 100% should’ve coming home soiled. Do you mean skid marks from wiping or actually soiled? If soiled, is she ready to potty train? How is she at the weekends and signalling she needs a poo?

This was happening with one of the boys in the nursery where I worked. Mum just told us at drop off one morning that sometimes he came home with soiled pants and she was sure he wasn't telling anyone he was going.
The staff won't be offended they're more likely to be really apologetic to you and keep a closer eye on her.
We encourage them to wipe and then a staff member finished off. I'm pretty sure don't do it in reception but obviously you've got a while until then.