Am I being an overbearing parent or is this normal for 8 weeks in secondary school ?

It shouldn’t be normal. What the head is actually doing is normalising bad behaviour. I’d be pretty furious and would either make a complete nuisance of myself about it or I would change schools, I’d not want them getting my money. My kids went to an independent senior school and one kid got some quite mild bullying but the teachers were on it like a hot brick! That's what you pay for. Their pastoral care is not good enough.

Ask them to see their policy on pastoral care.

The same. Any sort of online bullying, WhatsApp etc is dealt with very firmly at my children's school including suspensions in year 7 to make an example of it.

The school is being utterly useless and it's entirely in their hands, that's why you are paying for independent schooling. So I'd also look for an alternative and take steps to identify if you can where they are not holding to their own policies or reinterpreting them which form part of the terms and conditions. When you can quote their own stuff back at them citing they are in breach of it, you have grounds to not give a terms notice.

What I would say, is that school often won't tell you what they have done as part of the discipline but then the problem child will quietly exit at the end of the school year. It's rarely just one child having an issue. You may have to read between the lines if they say verbally the problem will be resolved shortly.

In the meantime, try to find allies for your daughter with a bit of backbone and [tricky I know] teach her to stand up for herself a bit.
Start by taking her off all social media if she's on it. Difficult to bully someone who doesn't exist.

This is absolutely not typical year 7 stuff and my son’s school deal firmly with any bullying be it online/in person, on their grounds or off.
Its tricky because it sounds like the school otherwise caters for her needs and is one of only a few schools that can?
I would look into seeing if any other schools can now cater for her/has space as some
children may have not taken up their offer of places/moved. Is homeschooling until you find another provision if it continues an option?
Independent schools can be a law to themselves and are not always as effective at dealing with issues as mainstream school so I would be wary of keeping her there and hoping they resolve it if there is any other option.
Girls can be mean but saying it’s normal year 7 behaviour is not a reasonable excuse.

This is awful - this is Grade A bullying - step in, speak to the school - needs resolving asap

YANBU!! This is terrible and is bullying

And you are paying for this?
I would tell the Governing body that unless they put a stop to this appalling bullying you will remove your DD from their dreadful school. I really don't understand why the school haven't dealt with this, is the bully related to a member of staff/governor?

I’m sorry this is happening, school seem to be rather crap at dealing with this. I’d contact the other parents who have complained, if you can, to join forces to see what can be done.
I would put everything in writing to the head, listing all incidents and how they’ve failed your child, amongst others, I would also write to the board of governors.
There must be also be a governing body for private schools that you can get in touch with?
Whether you choose to move schools or not, I would be making a formal complaint

I see that moving schools would be difficult. Can you ask for your daughter to be moved to another class? Would that help? One thing I would say is trust your instincts and don’t worry about whether you are overprotective. Your daughter is vulnerable and you need to listen to your gut instinct. You’re a great parent!

Ah, trying to isolate her from the start and undermine her confidence so she would become a dependent minion? Not just 'bullying' as in 'being mean' then, but much more premediated controlling behaviour and then vindictiveness as 'retribution' when it didn't work.

I would write down every incident, reassure your child that it isn't her fault and keep on at the school. Try setting up an appointment with Kidscape https://www.kidscape.org.uk/ to get support for you and your daughter and advice on what you can do to help your child, and how to talk to the school about it. Be persistent until it's sorted. It does sound very difficult with the small group of peers that there's nowhere else to go.

Sorry I haven’t been able to read all posts but wanted to respond.

This is not normal. School are fobbing you off. Read their cyber bullying policy and their anti-bullying policy (if your child has sen read this policy too - Sen children are more likely be bullied).

Ask for a meeting with the school and ask what they are doing to enforce their own policies. Make sure you screenshot anything on-line etc so you have proof. If this doesn’t work, keep her off for her mental health and tell them she can only go back when a plan is in place.

Tell your DD these are not her friends and to give them a wide berth, encourage her to make other friends, get her into activities away from school so she can make friends outside of school

Normal? No it’s absolutely not. (Although I can only speak from a state school perspective).

Might be being cynical here, but school seems hesitant to sanction a certain child... do the parents have a lot of influence in the school?

Either way, the school are being awful and your daughter deserves far better. Hope you get it sorted OP.

In which case as well as triggering safeguarding responsibilities you need to be triggering anti-discrimination policies too - has she been selected as a target due to perceived vulnerability connected to her disability?

Yes report to council and governors.

It sounds like your lovely DD’s needs are too much hassle for the school so they’d rather she left than sort the bully.

This is a) obviously awful and b) stupid on their part as even if they don’t care to keep your DD, this bully has caused and is going to cause problems for other kids.

Hence my suggestion of teaming up with other parents, if you can.

If it was possible I would say move her but I understand that is far from an easy option.

My daughter started a state school at the same time. None of these issues at all. Definitely not normal

It hasn’t been my experience, no (mine is in Y8). But we don’t allow any social media and no WhatsApp groups except small ones with actual close friends. I think, yes, it is something to flag up, but there is also a degree of sticking to your lane. Know your friends, stay close to nice kids you can trust, don’t get involved in all the drama.

No not normal in terms of the school reaction (unfortunate normal in terms of other kids behaviour at times) and this would have been taken very seriously at my kids state school. They can sanction and speak to the kids, they just don't want to. Isn't that the beauty of the independent system? You don't like it - go somewhere else.

Your poor daughter. And no, I don’t think it’s normal at all.

I’d be concerned why the school can’t sanction. What is stopping them? Or who is stopping them.

I realise that you’ve said the fees are funded by the LEA but I’d be raising it with the LEA as to be frank, they aren’t getting what they are paying for. I mean, the school maybe be providing an education but they aren’t safeguarding your daughter at all. I assume they are paying for fees here as no other school could meet her needs? Then surely, the argument would be that they aren’t meeting her needs now.

Please tell your daughter it’s not normal, make her realise it’s not her at all.Most kids aren’t like this child that is being spiteful. And if this other child has SEN or ND that causes her to say and do these things, the school aren’t supporting her well enough either.

I fear I have may been clumsy in my reply, but I hope you understand what I mean.