Am I being an overbearing parent or is this normal for 8 weeks in secondary school ?

It took my son about 3 months to get into the swing of secondary school but that was more the overwhelm of the speed of the day, the homework, the vast amount of kids an trying to find new friends. He did go with lots from primary school but they weren’t his cup of tea. He found a great group of boys he’s now friends with. He is in year 8 now but said from day one onwards that so many of the girls are awful-really unkind, self centred and rude. He avoids them at all costs. Your poor daughter-her first term at high school sounds awful. I’d maybe look at removing her.

Tell your LA you need an emergency Annual Review of her EHCP.

That will give you a place to talk through how the placement isn't working and for the LA to put pressure on the school to fix it. Either that external pressure works or you swap schools. This is one instance where your LA may be fully on side.

Chances are that the girl doing the bullying has needs beyond those the school knew about but that's not your problem.

My heart goes out to you and your daughter
same thing happened to my daughter at an independent school,
my DD hid it from me for months, eventually
took it up with the school, the bully was a teachers child , with an established group of girls around her. The school’s intervention made it worse they didn’t handle it properly. The advice we received is do not move your daughter because the same thing will happen again at another school unless she deals with it. really wish I’d moved her. She’s now 23 years old with real self-esteem issues and that early bullying has had an effect on her entire life. To this point, girls are the worst and if the school can’t deal with it other things will start to happen for my DD. She started fainting illnesses missing school.
a good therapist helped, but I wish I’d moved my daughter, at the time she was terrified of moving away.

I'm so sorry, this is awful to have to witness such bullying to your child. Be assertive and write everything down (emails to the school etc), it may be relevant later. If the school are being too passive, look elsewhere. Genuinely believe that if the school are being weak now they won't change until you show real teeth and intolerance for any such issue, something worse happens or you threaten to leave (and mean it). Girls in secondary school are evil.

it’s difficult to fully get a grasp of what is going on.
but from what you have said this is BULLYING.
Absolutely not being overbearing.

Oh no!

Independent schools should have trustees/governors in the same way that state schools do. Complain to them, name names, and tell them how little progress has been made so far. This girl needs to be sanctioned, and possibly to receive therapy...

Honestly, just stop her phone using WhatsApp and stop her social media.
it’s obviously not bringing her joy.

Your daughter is being bullied , Im so sorry 😞 And im sure talking to the girl will not make a difference , what is the school's policy on bullying and are they upholding it ? If they are and it's a crap policy i would consider moving your daughter , if they aren't i would go in all guns blazing ,
I hope you manage to get something done ASAP X

Im sorry your daugher is experiening this. It sounds like there are some nasty girls in her year group and that the school aren't taking it seriously. From my experience teaching secondary school this does sometimes happen and the children stay mean bullies all the way through school and the year group gets a reputation. My honest advice would be to move her to a new school while she is still early in year 7 and hope to get a nicer group of children. Thats what I would do anyway, you dont want her being bullied for years and if its like this now it wont stop.

Ahh... I see it now. So how did your daughter /.other girl know it's about her? (This may be totally obvious but I don't have tictoc so don't know how it works) .
In any case, this is not normal and irrespective on who pays for her to attend, this is not the right provision for your daughter from a safety perspective. Policies should be downloadable from the school's website... I echo other peeps' advice and would add that if it were me and my kiddo was going through this, I would have no qualms getting legal assistance to drive my point forward. Good luck !!

This is not normal. The school should have nipped this on the bud weeks ago. Involve the LA as they also gave a duty of care then get her the hell out

OP, have you considered speaking to a firm of solicitors such as Bindman's, which has a team specialising in education?

https://www.bindmans.com/legal-services/individual/education-law/

Of course this is not normal - and even if you thought it was, it is appalling. Get her out of there, immediately. Poor, poor child.

In that screenshot, the girl is telling your dd she persuaded her minions not to beat your dd up. I take it they only have access to your dd during school time (or perhaps whilst travelling to and from school). This absolutely is a school matter. And I’m not so many words she’s being told watch out or we will jump you at school.

My dd’s friend went to a private school, which was absolutely useless for stuff like this. Please follow what people have said about escalating it through the correct channels. And taking it to the police. Even if they can’t do anything, the school is more likely to act if they know you’ve contacted them. And a subject access request is a great idea.

I would also be reminding the school they have a duty of care to your dd and that children have killed themselves for being online bullied. That you are not prepared for a wait and watch approach. That you will escalate this through the correct channels, as well as contacting the police, as you don’t find their response to your reports of online bullying robust, when they have already told your dd to appease the girl on school grounds. I would also ask what action the school intends to take to help safeguard your dd from potential self harm and suicide.

You should also ask for a copy of the complaint’s procedure so that you ensure you follow procedure so that when you do escalate to LADO at your local authority children’s services that they will deal with the complaint effectively.

Please, please take this to the police.
The school sound completely incompetent and lazy! Screenshot everything, print them out or put them on a USB stick. Tell them you're not the first who have reported the same girl and give them the names of the others. They can't just pass it off as just one of those things when it's clearly a widespread issue with the same girl making others' lives a misery.

As someone who was bullied badly in highschool mostly by the same girl (and whoever her chosen minions were at the time), and the school didn't do anything about it, it absolutely ruined my mental health and social confidence for life. I'm in my 30's now and the same girl that did it is all drama and threats on FB still with new "friends" she makes. The bully will never change her behaviour without serious action and consequences.

I hope things improve for you both.

Social Media / phones / it is a horrendous grey area for a school, if done on school premises fine, if say at home at weekends it’s a web of mess for schools. It is bullying, simple.
schools can demand their phone and access say What’s App (assuming student give their passwords / havent got an additional phone rhey give in innocently and wait for parents to cry theft / demand their property back / threaten police or legal action / shout scream at Reception staff on Minimum wage etc).

With evidence from both phones (perpetrators and victim), schools should then go through usual sanctions. Schools do need to know all of this sort of information and will do their best (get parents in / draw up peer contracts etc). I am surprised they are not being more proactive.

I have heard Private Schools can be slower to act as all students are Fee paying clients at current trying times, especially if more than 1 child from the same family is at the school - even more revenue for them (maybe I’m being cynical). I have no personal experience of this, just read other MN posts on here about it.

keep pushing for what you and your DC need, show evidence (screen shots of messages / social media posts etc). If need be you threaten to remove your child.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this... But what's a 12 y old doing on tiktok?!?

I went to a public school. Didn’t feel safe the entire time. Dd went to state in a good area. Better grades, better friends (all my friends were on anti depressants, drugs, all of us sexually assaulted). Dd got much better grades. Get her the fuck out of there.

Horrendous for your daughter. My eldest is in a very normal comp in a very diverse area (as in mix council, private rented and owned properties). The head is caring but has a tough side. She would go absolutely bat shit over something like this. And quite rightly so. Ive seen this is an LA funded placement. Maybe try your MP or councillor?

Her parents are probably rich and donate to the school. She will have no consequences. Report to the police.

This is horrendous. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

when my eldest was bullied (year 6) and the school brushed it under the carpet, I spoke to the police (not the emergency number!). I knew they couldn’t do anything but then when I went back to the school, I started the sentence off with ‘I’ve discussed this with the police and this is what they have advised me’.

Those words completely changed the schools attitude and how they dealt with the situation, which was prompt and seriously.

also the police are really good with the advice they give you. They give you steps on how to deal with the school, what to say and what to quote such as the school’s anti bullying policy. So although the police can’t directly help, they gave me a thorough step by step guide on how to make the school react and take it seriously.

i really hope you get it sorted and I’m so sorry you have to deal with it.

I'd change her school, she's being bullied and the school don't seem to care.