Page 2 | To ask you how long you waited before visitors

Starlightsprite · 2026-01-16T11:57:00+00:00

After you had your baby? My son and his partner had a baby yesterday morning and came home the same day. I have asked that they let us know when they are ready for visitors and they said that they will. I am of the generation (is it generational?) that your immediate family were welcome straight away unless there were issues like the baby being poorly or the mother needing more recuperation than average and I couldn’t wait for my family to meet my babies. I already knew people were moving away from this though as I’ve seen it on here so I kind of knew not to expect to visit immediately. So my question is what were you waiting for in terms if having people visit you? Do people just want a week to themselves in their little bubble? Or is it until you’ve had a good nights sleep? Or until yuh feel more comfortable? I just am wondering how people are doing it these days as I’m dying to meet my grandchild obviously. There are no underlying issues here by the way, I get along fine with my DIL and son.

RisingVamp · 19/01/2026 19:15

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 19/01/2026 18:49

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even very close friends were welcome immediately.

I feel sorry for grandparents who are made to wait more than a day to meet their new grandchild.

(My youngest is only 2, so this is recent)

But what if it’s a very difficult or traumatic birth? A few days is nothing! Especially if the new mum is in severe pain, professing trauma, struggling to breastfeed etc.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 19/01/2026 18:49

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even very close friends were welcome immediately.

I feel sorry for grandparents who are made to wait more than a day to meet their new grandchild.

(My youngest is only 2, so this is recent)

GrandTheftWalrus · 19/01/2026 18:46

With my 1st my friend actually met her before my parents as she brought me crisps and chocolate after her nightshift. But they came to the hospital later that day then after a few days came to our house.

With my 2nd it was still covid rules so she was born on the Saturday and they met her on the Tuesday as they had my oldest till then.

BIossomtoes · 19/01/2026 18:41

Lauralou19 · 19/01/2026 18:24

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Agree with everything (although I will add my own parents and in laws are amazing!). Both tell me of being left outside pubs with a pack of crisps by their parents (my grandparents) whilst the parents drank inside. On a weekend. That was the norm.

And we’re lectured for being a selfish generation! 😂

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It absolutely wasn’t the norm.

Lauralou19 · 19/01/2026 18:24

Bloozie · 19/01/2026 11:39

Yes. You are from a generation that was taught to suck things up and put other people's feelings before your own. And yes, it has made some members of your generation a bit martyrish, as your post indicates.

The way your generation parented us - hands off, disengaged, go outside and suck a hosepipe for all I care just be home before dark, eat it now or have it cold for breakfast, all underpinned with judgement and 'in MY day' - has made this generation a bit resentful.

If you don't want to help out looking after our pets and kids or whatever, stfu moaning about it and just don't. If waiting a few weeks to see your grandkids means we're on our own if our husbands leave us, fine. Whatever. We'll sort it out ourselves, just like we were sorting stuff out ourselves while we were kids and you did the bare minimum then awarded yourselves a prize because gentle parenting in your day meant hitting your kid with mum's lambskin-soled slipper, not dad's plastic-soled one.

Oooh. It stings when people generalise about a whole generation, doesn't it?

Edited

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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Agree with everything (although I will add my own parents and in laws are amazing!). Both tell me of being left outside pubs with a pack of crisps by their parents (my grandparents) whilst the parents drank inside. On a weekend. That was the norm.

And we’re lectured for being a selfish generation! 😂

AllMyPunySorrows · 19/01/2026 11:43

Bloozie · 19/01/2026 11:29

Cruel...? The grandmother has waited 9 months/all her life to meet her grandchild. She can wait a few weeks more.

The idea that the baby must be observed in freshly hatched state because otherwise it's cruel is just strange to me. In another of your comments, you say that if you had to wait 4 weeks as per some other new parents' requests the baby will look different. And....?

I can't wait to be a grandma. I get it. But I have no right to lay my eyes on anyone else's baby within a certain timeframe, even if I did push one of its parents out of my own birth canal. Some women are more reserved. Some women have a different or difficult relationship with their own family that colours their desire to immerse themselves in their partner's family. It is not cruel for those women to lay down boundaries at a time when they're feeling vulnerable.

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Exactly. Or it doesn't even need to be reserve or a complex relationship with family -- sometimes it's just distance meaning that you're hosting very dependent parents for a minimum of several days, and getting them to and from the airport and either putting them up or ferrying them back and forth from their hotel, and it's all a bit much when you're recovering from a difficult birth.

If I could have had my parents and PILs drop by for half an hour within a few days, I absolutely would have. I'd have loved to. But as they were flying from our home country and unable even to find their way to us from the airport, it needed to wait several weeks.

Bloozie · 19/01/2026 11:39

Starlightsprite · 18/01/2026 16:57

I’ve been today and it was worth the wait. To those of you that congratulated me and gave me sensible advice - thank you. To those of you that refuse to ever do something that you aren’t ready for / don’t particularly want to do and state with conviction that you won’t ’suck it up’ for anyone. Please remember that the rule then applies to everyone, chances are your retired parents don’t want to get up early and drive to your house at their own expense (because their toys are there) so they can take care of your children while you work and save you money while you complain about every aspect of the free childcare they provide you with. They’re sucking it up because they love you and want to help you. They most likely don’t want to look after your dog while you go away for the weekend, they’re actually sucking it up and doing it even though they don’t want to. All those lovely Christmas’ you had with both sets of Grandparents around your table for lunch, guess what? Your paternal Grandma was likely digging your Mum out all day but she was putting on a brave face and sucking it up because doing things that you don’t want to in order to make other people happy now and again isn’t the end of the world.

In the end I think 3 days was a perfectly acceptable amount of time for me to wait to meet my Granddaughter. But this thread has made me realise that me, my Mum and all the generations of women that came before us may well have been martyrs and we probably should have protected our peace a little more but we do / did it for our children. Only for some of you to be unwilling to ever make yourselves even slightly uncomfortable to ensure we are also taken into consideration. You never know if this movement catches on with us oldies you might find yourselves looking after your own children, your own pets, we might save our money that we’ve been generous with until now, we might not have a spare bedroom for you to move back into when your husband leaves you for his secretary because we aren’t sucking it up anymore. Of course you’ll all say that you don’t do any of that and of course I won’t believe you. I won’t be returning to the thread.

Edited

Yes. You are from a generation that was taught to suck things up and put other people's feelings before your own. And yes, it has made some members of your generation a bit martyrish, as your post indicates.

The way your generation parented us - hands off, disengaged, go outside and suck a hosepipe for all I care just be home before dark, eat it now or have it cold for breakfast, all underpinned with judgement and 'in MY day' - has made this generation a bit resentful.

If you don't want to help out looking after our pets and kids or whatever, stfu moaning about it and just don't. If waiting a few weeks to see your grandkids means we're on our own if our husbands leave us, fine. Whatever. We'll sort it out ourselves, just like we were sorting stuff out ourselves while we were kids and you did the bare minimum then awarded yourselves a prize because gentle parenting in your day meant hitting your kid with mum's lambskin-soled slipper, not dad's plastic-soled one.

Oooh. It stings when people generalise about a whole generation, doesn't it?

BIossomtoes · 19/01/2026 11:34

Weeks is ridiculous. A few days fine but weeks is insane. I couldn’t wait to show mine off and my mum’s face when she looked at her day old grandson will be imprinted on my memory to the day I die. It still brings a lump to my throat.

Bloozie · 19/01/2026 11:29

Starlightsprite · 16/01/2026 18:38

And I said ‘weeks’ I think making your Mum wait weeks to see your baby is cruel and I stand by that.

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Cruel...? The grandmother has waited 9 months/all her life to meet her grandchild. She can wait a few weeks more.

The idea that the baby must be observed in freshly hatched state because otherwise it's cruel is just strange to me. In another of your comments, you say that if you had to wait 4 weeks as per some other new parents' requests the baby will look different. And....?

I can't wait to be a grandma. I get it. But I have no right to lay my eyes on anyone else's baby within a certain timeframe, even if I did push one of its parents out of my own birth canal. Some women are more reserved. Some women have a different or difficult relationship with their own family that colours their desire to immerse themselves in their partner's family. It is not cruel for those women to lay down boundaries at a time when they're feeling vulnerable.

BlackCat14 · 19/01/2026 09:35

Starlightsprite · 18/01/2026 16:57

I’ve been today and it was worth the wait. To those of you that congratulated me and gave me sensible advice - thank you. To those of you that refuse to ever do something that you aren’t ready for / don’t particularly want to do and state with conviction that you won’t ’suck it up’ for anyone. Please remember that the rule then applies to everyone, chances are your retired parents don’t want to get up early and drive to your house at their own expense (because their toys are there) so they can take care of your children while you work and save you money while you complain about every aspect of the free childcare they provide you with. They’re sucking it up because they love you and want to help you. They most likely don’t want to look after your dog while you go away for the weekend, they’re actually sucking it up and doing it even though they don’t want to. All those lovely Christmas’ you had with both sets of Grandparents around your table for lunch, guess what? Your paternal Grandma was likely digging your Mum out all day but she was putting on a brave face and sucking it up because doing things that you don’t want to in order to make other people happy now and again isn’t the end of the world.

In the end I think 3 days was a perfectly acceptable amount of time for me to wait to meet my Granddaughter. But this thread has made me realise that me, my Mum and all the generations of women that came before us may well have been martyrs and we probably should have protected our peace a little more but we do / did it for our children. Only for some of you to be unwilling to ever make yourselves even slightly uncomfortable to ensure we are also taken into consideration. You never know if this movement catches on with us oldies you might find yourselves looking after your own children, your own pets, we might save our money that we’ve been generous with until now, we might not have a spare bedroom for you to move back into when your husband leaves you for his secretary because we aren’t sucking it up anymore. Of course you’ll all say that you don’t do any of that and of course I won’t believe you. I won’t be returning to the thread.

Edited

Gosh. Reading this makes me so grateful for my parents. As it goes, after our son was born both sets of parents came to hospital the next day.
However. If for whatever reason we felt a need to wait a little before visitors, my parents would completely understand. They would absolutely still be there to help out when we need them with childcare. And even if my mum had to wait a couple of weeks to meet the baby, I’m sure she would still have a spare room for me when my husband leaves me for his secretary. Because she is compassionate and understanding. Phew.

RisingVamp · 19/01/2026 09:11

ThisGreenShaker · 19/01/2026 08:56

I would be upset if my mum & family didn't visit.
I think it all depends on the relationship that you have with family, I personally have a very close family and everyone was waiting to see my son.

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Ah I see. Apologies. That’s totally understandable and valid. That’s why I think the argument of the in laws having just as much ‘right’ to see the baby at the same time as the mum’s family is an unfair one. The new mum will naturally feel more comfortable with and potentially need the support of her own parents.

ThisGreenShaker · 19/01/2026 08:56

RisingVamp · 19/01/2026 08:27

Do you mean you’d be upset if you didn’t get to see a grandchild the day they are born? Or that you’d be upset if your relatives didn’t visit on the day? Either way, what if it’s a difficult or traumatic birth?

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I would be upset if my mum & family didn't visit.
I think it all depends on the relationship that you have with family, I personally have a very close family and everyone was waiting to see my son.

RisingVamp · 19/01/2026 08:27

ThisGreenShaker · 19/01/2026 00:12

Exactly that, I’d be upset if they didn’t

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Do you mean you’d be upset if you didn’t get to see a grandchild the day they are born? Or that you’d be upset if your relatives didn’t visit on the day? Either way, what if it’s a difficult or traumatic birth?

HopSplidge988 · 19/01/2026 08:23

When we felt ready.

CuteOrangeElephant · 19/01/2026 08:17

I found that I only really have to set strong boundaries with the pushy relatives, the ones that are insensitive. Of course as soon as you set a boundary they just have to push back (my DF, not my PILs as they are great).

Things are also not set in stone. I had an emergency c-section with a poorly baby late in the afternoon and initially told my mother that she could come the next day. Around 7pm things settled down a lot (I think all the doctors in the hospital had come and seen DD at that point) and I invited her over. I would not have done that if she had been rude and pushy about not being allowed to come earlier.

Joeylove88 · 19/01/2026 06:41

My mum and in laws were over within the first 24 hours of my DD being born. I was still sleep deprived (only 2 solid hours sleep in nearly 2 days) and looked awful and felt so drained and was hurting everywhere. As lovely as it was everyone finally meeting her, I do wish id been able to have just that one day to try to rest and focus on learning to be a mama and just have my mum there because she was helping me with a few parenting things that only a mum is really needed for if that makes sense. I understand why new mums especially want to wait a day or so if anything just to give themselves some time to rest and feel a bit more 'social'.

I also had a couple of close friends come to visit after 3 days and it was lovely but so exhausting. Im due my second DD anytime now and might try to give it a bit more time especially with friends this time not because I dont want visitors but so I can take it easy and not feel rushed into a social situation im to overwhelmed for.

Lauralou19 · 19/01/2026 06:21

LoveIsJustARiver · 19/01/2026 03:11

I feel really sorry for your son, DIL and their baby. Hopefully they have the measure of you and they’ll keep you at arms length.

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The bit about ‘when your Husband leaves you for his secretary’ 😂😂😂 Someone is stuck in the 1950’s.

I really hope the family do see this. It’s very odd for a new grandparent to be like this on MN straight after cuddling their lovely new grandchild.

Lauralou19 · 19/01/2026 06:10

PollyBell · 19/01/2026 01:56

I couldnt imagine controlling people like I was royalty ''your prescence is required when I say so'' the idea of having a baby means no ones else services are required unless they need to do something for you ie babysitting is odd

How is it ‘controlling people like royalty’ to ask to wait a few days or whatever is needed to not be in pain, bleeding, exhausted (many examples have already been given in the thread of why people might not want visitors straight away) or just to need some time to settle into being parents?

If you think that is ‘controlling people’, that’s a very sad attitude towards being a Mum today. You really think attitudes move on but this thread shows how outdated some people are.

LoveIsJustARiver · 19/01/2026 03:11

Starlightsprite · 18/01/2026 16:57

I’ve been today and it was worth the wait. To those of you that congratulated me and gave me sensible advice - thank you. To those of you that refuse to ever do something that you aren’t ready for / don’t particularly want to do and state with conviction that you won’t ’suck it up’ for anyone. Please remember that the rule then applies to everyone, chances are your retired parents don’t want to get up early and drive to your house at their own expense (because their toys are there) so they can take care of your children while you work and save you money while you complain about every aspect of the free childcare they provide you with. They’re sucking it up because they love you and want to help you. They most likely don’t want to look after your dog while you go away for the weekend, they’re actually sucking it up and doing it even though they don’t want to. All those lovely Christmas’ you had with both sets of Grandparents around your table for lunch, guess what? Your paternal Grandma was likely digging your Mum out all day but she was putting on a brave face and sucking it up because doing things that you don’t want to in order to make other people happy now and again isn’t the end of the world.

In the end I think 3 days was a perfectly acceptable amount of time for me to wait to meet my Granddaughter. But this thread has made me realise that me, my Mum and all the generations of women that came before us may well have been martyrs and we probably should have protected our peace a little more but we do / did it for our children. Only for some of you to be unwilling to ever make yourselves even slightly uncomfortable to ensure we are also taken into consideration. You never know if this movement catches on with us oldies you might find yourselves looking after your own children, your own pets, we might save our money that we’ve been generous with until now, we might not have a spare bedroom for you to move back into when your husband leaves you for his secretary because we aren’t sucking it up anymore. Of course you’ll all say that you don’t do any of that and of course I won’t believe you. I won’t be returning to the thread.

Edited

I feel really sorry for your son, DIL and their baby. Hopefully they have the measure of you and they’ll keep you at arms length.

Fearnotsunshine · 19/01/2026 02:05

Sounds to me like there's a bit of friction between grandma and the new parents. Finally went to visit and posted a load of vitriole/spat the dummy out on Mumsnet. Hope son & DIL don't see the thread 👍

PollyBell · 19/01/2026 01:56

I couldnt imagine controlling people like I was royalty ''your prescence is required when I say so'' the idea of having a baby means no ones else services are required unless they need to do something for you ie babysitting is odd

namechangetheworld · 19/01/2026 01:39

With DD1 both sets of grandparents visited in hospital the day after. My parents left when visiting hours were over, in-laws sat in the car and waited for us to leave and followed us home. Proceeded to sit on our tiny sofa with DD1 and DH and ignored me, so I went and sat in the kitchen on a horrible wooden stool after shitloads of stitches and starting setting up the bottle steriliser. Vividly remember my parents turning up several hours later (with food, premature baby clothes as she arrived earlier than expected and loads of ready made baby formula) to find me upset in the kitchen, and my very mild mannered DF telling them it was time to leave.

Told DH that was never happening again, so with DD2 only my DM visited in hospital (to bring DD1 to visit) and then everybody else came a few days after we were settled at home.

Thechaseison71 · 19/01/2026 01:13

Lauralou19 · 18/01/2026 18:14

Wow using language like that because people are trying to explain to the OP that new mums with bodily fluids coming out everywhere, sleep deprived, sore, stiches, constipated, in tears and hormonal might need a couple of days to feel upto visitors.

We know who shouldn’t be left looking after grandchildren on this thread don’t we…disgusting language.

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Strangely enough I've always found that it's about the 3rd day the hormones hit and the weepy bit comes. Before that it's a sort of high.

Thechaseison71 · 19/01/2026 01:10

DemelzaandRoss · 18/01/2026 17:16

The information about Boomer parents here is socially & financially incorrect.

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Yeah surely many of the" boomers' as people put it have been grandparents for a good while now. My mum was born,in194- so assume she was a boomer. If she was still alive her GREAT granddaughter is now nearly 17.

I

OhMaria2 · 19/01/2026 00:45

I felt incredibly unwell after the birth and my mum pushing to come and see my son when I was exhausted and unwell ultimately ruined our relationship. She should have waited.
I felt well enough after about a month. I dont know why people cant wait, and push the mothers reasons aside. Its selfish