To ask you how long you waited before visitors

No but then neither should they be left feeling neglected and ignored with no visitors

Very much depends on the couple and their parents.

When I had my child, I was married to my ex-husband and his parents came to visit in hospital. I had a good relationship with them, and actually preferred seeing them in hospital when there's no expectation at all to host. I was kept in for 4 days though as I was unwell and needed IV antibiotics.

I have since remarried. We don't have children together. I have a good relationship with my in-laws but I find my mother-in-law very overbearing and emotionally intrusive (she's lovely, but I am very reserved and she is an abundant toucher and gusher). I would hold her back for a week or more if I could, just to give me time to adjust to the new world order and routine and steel myself for the onslaught. Just because you have a good relationship with them, doesn't mean you/your husband are necessarily what they need right now.

I have a complicated relationship with my own mum and it wouldn't really matter when she said she was going to come, as she either wouldn't turn up or would only stay for an hour.

I think if you'd like to see your grandchild sooner rather than later, ask when they're free for you to pop in and say hello - you won't stay longer than 30 minutes. Say it and mean it. It's the entertaining people and having to be 'on' for hours that's the most daunting part for many of the new mums that have an instinct to take a nested babymoon.

With DS1 I got home from the hospital at about 6pm and my PIL were sitting on my driveway when my DH got up at 8am. They live 3.5 hours away. I was exhausted and not ready for visitors to stay. I love my PIL but that was too much.

DS2 my DDad and BIL came separately to the hospital to see me and even though that was a much, much longer and more difficult birth with post birth surgery, it was lovely to see them. Probably because they came for half an hour each and brought goodies and I didn't have to entertain them.

Most PPs aren’t saying when they had their babies which I think is quite pertinent. If your kids are now 30 it’s not really relevant to what the norm is today!

I had my DC is 2021 so Covid restrictions around visiting. My DH could only visit for an hour a day.

My Mum came round the day after we got home. MIL about a week after. Absolutely “favouritism”. I was sore, upset, exhausted and I wanted my Mum. Not my MIL.

Whether you met your grandchild the day after they were born, 3 days or week why does it matter? Why do people need to see them fresh out the womb? Unless you can’t see them until they’re walking I really don’t understand why it matters. Or why people take offence to it (not saying you are OP).

I wasn't precious about keeping my baby to myself and allowed visitors, but it was more the recovery from the birth I found really difficult with visitors and figuring out breastfeeding etc.. I think sometimes "the bubble" is because people don't want an audience in the early newborn days.

Everyone’s different. I think it’s such a vulnerable point in a woman’s life and no one should feel pressured into having visitors when they’re not feeling up to it. Even straightforward births can feel traumatic. It’s a huge and gruelling undertaking, we often underestimate this.

In hospital and the day after we got home. I liked seeing people and showing them my new babies. It perked me up to be visited in hospital as the stays on the busy, noisy wards when you're trying to recover from a c section can be quite stressful.

Definitely a recent thing - I am told by friends that during antenatal classes parents were told to keep family away so that they could bond with the baby. In one case for over a week (and no, there were no particular issues with either health or relationships). Seems crazy to me but new parents are very receptive to what they are told by experts I think. From experience they tend to loosen up when number two comes along and they need the free childcare

In the hospital day one. Stopped for a pub lunch on the way home (was day 3 by then though, tricky birth, EMCS) so had met most of the village by day 4

My parents visited us in hospital and my in laws visited the day after we got home.

What am I reading? Grandparents normally come to the hospital as soon as the mum has a knickers back on don't they?! Bit of an exaggeration, but as soon as they can get there post birth and assuming there were no complications as OP said? If family and friends had waited until I'd had a good nights sleep they would have waited 2 years with my second!

With my first he was born late in the night but my parents, mother in law, sister, brother in law, mother in laws partner some random child sister in law was looking after all came to the hospital the very next morning. It was wonderful!

Once home (the next day) there was a constant stream of visitors of varying relations and friendships, if I was feeding (breast) I'd just warn them and say I don't mind if you don't. Again, wonderful, and wonderful to see everyone's love for me, my husband and our baby.

The visitors soon drop off and very quickly many mums complain about loneliness so enjoy it while they are there I say.

Some young people can be so precious and self absorbed these days.

My mum, sister inlaw and PIL were in the waiting room from the time I was taken in until I had him 17hours later.. my midwife was amazing and let them all come meet him as soon as we were back in the room and it was 4am..

PIL came to the hospital the evening of the birth. I’d had an emergency c/s so I wasn’t keen on them coming at that point as I wasn’t feeling that great.

I was in the hospital for 3 nights and I had loads of visitors - I was happy people wanted to meet the baby.
I wasn’t precious about people coming round, etc and I’ve got some lovely photos of friends/relatives holding her (and DS two years later).

I am sure it is different now, mine are adults.
I had DC1 in the early hours of the morning.
My family visited that afternoon, followed by DH family.
That is parents, siblings and whoever the siblings partners were at the time.

For DC2 they eventually arrived early evening as PIL had DC1, they came in for a quick visit, and to give DC1 back to DH. We were discharged the following morning and didn't have any more visitors until the following day, as by that point I hadn't slept in about 4 days.

For all my & DH siblings, we have always waited for them to come home and to be invited. We have visited all within 3 days of them being home, the youngest is under 3.

DD asked that we and IL’s waited 2 weeks which we all respected for first baby as DD was unwell. This time we met baby at 4 days as baby was 9 weeks early @1.2kgs and in NICU. We always respect the wishes of new parents and wouldn’t dream of imposing. Anybody who does not respect the wishes of the parents needs to take a look at themselves - it’s not their baby!

With dc1 my in-laws came the next day and my parents on day 2. With dc2 and dc3 my in-laws were there when we got home from hospital as they had been looking after the older dc. Dc4 was in nicu so I asked that people didn't come until he was home, although a lot of people ignored that which I wasn't happy about.

I'd maybe send another message, see how they are all getting on and maybe add in that you are dying to meet baby but are waiting for them to let you know when suits.

MIL met all 3 of mine almost immediately (with my first 2 she worked in the hospital so popped in during her break. She even popped in when I was in labour with DC1). We had a whole gaggle of visitors with DC1in hospital as we were in for 36h.

With DC2 we got home late afternoon (about 6 hours after delivery) but had immediate family from that evening onwards.

DC3 was in NICU for a while and as it was winter visitors were limited to parents and grandparents. Even my other DC couldn't meet their sibling. As soon as DC3 was discharged though we had the usual medley of visitors.

Thankfully despite having massive families, we all live quite close and everyone who popped in had a quick cuddle and left. No extended visits, no hosting etc.

No one on day 1.

DS was born late morning and DH said no when PIL wanted to come that afternoon. I’d had a second degree tear with a lot of bruising and I’d been up all night. They were upset as they’d seen their first DGC the same day but she was born in the middle of the night not two hours before visiting time. They also live 80 miles away so they wouldn’t have wanted to only stay for 30 minutes. They couldn’t come on day 2 as they were at a wedding. They came on day 3.

My DF saw him about a week later when we were home as he was on holiday. It hadn’t occurred to him that DS might be born well past my due date!

So our first visitors came on day 2 in the evening - first our good friends who knew about our infertility journey and just stayed for about 20 minutes, and then my aunt and cousin. That was a lovely hour.

With DS2, born in the afternoon, MIL came the first evening with DH and DS1, then FIL with them the next evening. DF and DSM came on day 3 and helped us get home. DB and DSIL turned up and promptly went out to our nearest chippy and bought tea for everyone. DSM fed DS2 and I rested.

Id check in and ask how they are and if they need any help with shopping etc.
I never minded visitors apart from the ones that expected us to wash up after them....

I had complicated protracted c sections with both and a GA with the first and in recovery for two days so not allowed visitors till we were stable. Parents and DSC came to the hospital once we were on the ward. With the second mum brought older DC to the hospital the day after and everyone else met the baby once we were home within a couple of days.

Despite everything that went on both times I was desperate for people to meet my babies and (nearly) all of our family and friends are very thoughtful and considerate.

Do ask again! MN is not the place to ask. They’re probably sitting there thinking why is she not that bothered?!

And don’t assume your son has passed on that you messaged or that he’s in any way dynamic or thoughtful 🤣. Get round there and meet your grandchild, with some prior warning obvs.

Both sets of parents visited in hospital with DC1 and I was only in 36 hours. As did one of DH’s siblings and his cousin and spouse as they were going on holiday for two weeks.

My sibling was on the way to the hospital and was told to go to the house because we’d been released. DH’s other sibs were variously at the other side of the country or world.

DC2 we were in hospital for over two weeks, both sets of parents and one of DH’s siblings visited. My sibling was in hospital as their own child was born shortly after mine. The other sibs visited when we were home for about 10 hours in the middle of our 2 week stay, before we were readmitted.

With our siblings babies, we didn’t visit in hospital, but very soon after they were home. The cousin who visited DC1 was desperate to show off their offspring and had us there the day they were released.

I don’t get this ‘newborn’ only us bubble. You miss out on so much support and joy!

I wouldn't have wanted anyone staying with us but immediate family (parents/siblings) would have been very welcome to visit to meet the baby.

I would have wanted both sets of parents to visit at the hospital if possible. I was so excited for everyone to meet him!

Turns out my baby was born during a lockdown so no one met him!

OP already said let me know when you’re ready for visiting and they said they’ll let her know. It’s only been less than 24 hours since they’ve been home. If OP asks again, on the same day about popping over it would look overbearing imo.

I think OP is best giving it another 2 days then phoning and asking.

We had grandparents same day and DB and DSIL same day as they were local. In laws were further so came a few days later.

Could you phone your DS today and suggest that if mum is feeling up to it you’d like to pop by to meet the baby, won’t stay too long and will be bringing a cake, or ask if they would like some shopping dropped off? I think as grandparents that’s fairly ok and not pushy. However if she is having post partum issues and may not wish to go into detail, they may need to delay a day or so before anyone goes in but you’d understand that I’m sure.