To ask you how long you waited before visitors

Oh and the reason the first official visitors didn’t come until Wednesday was because nobody asked to come any earlier than that, and that seemed fine for us in terms of timing.

Dd was born on the Saturday, we went home on the Sunday. First visitor was the plumber because we came home to a flood in our kitchen - he’s done a few jobs for us and was genuinely excited to see the baby! First official visitors were my mum and aunt on the Wednesday, then MIL on Thursday. We then had to go back in to hospital for a couple of days due to an unforeseen complication, back out on the Saturday to FIL waiting to see us (that one was actually the stressful one because of having been back in the hospital). I think we then put a general message out to everyone with “visiting hours” for the following week.

Looking back now it was all fine - we spent that first week being disturbed by midwives and health visitors anyway so not really in a bubble so to speak!

So the shop workers met your baby before their relatives?

Not when I had my first 2 they weren't allowed paternity leave. And my eldest dad didn't meet her until she was 4 months as abroad on tour of duty

My MIL met DS when he was 8 days old. We had a challenging first week. 2 night's in hospital and didn't get home until after 10pm. Then had various health visitors and midwives just show up unannounced throughout the week. Also really struggled with breastfeeding so that added to things as needed to get a breastpump and things. Also ended up back in hospital for a night with DS on day 7. MIL was very pushy the whole time wanting to meet her grandson and just added to the stress. The only person who met DS before her was my own mother who waited patiently and came over at short notice to help with some laundry but also meet baby.

You sound the complete opposite of my MIL but if you want to meet baby a bit sooner you could offer to help and ask if they need anything brought and they might have you over a little earlier!

My father came to the hospital - I was in fur three days as had a section. Then the day after we came home we had string of visitors. I think the next day I went out to lunch and first time breastfeeding in public! I was totally happy with that. Babies are pretty boring!

Both my parents & parents-in- law visited the hospital, extended family when invited & when I felt ready. It never entered my head to consider which parents were there first. I always treated them equally from day one regarding time spent with their grandchildren. If we required babysitters they took it turn about depending on availability. It did help we all lived fairly close to each other.

What a ridiculous response. No-one is saying that allowing the MIL to visit her new grandchild as soon as your own mum means she had to have close up access to your damaged fanny.

Are your mum and dad together? Was your dad allowed to visit at the same time as your mum or did you make him wait? If your dad was allowed to come as early as your mum, was it on the understanding that he'd also be needed to help clean your intimate parts as well, or did you somehow manage to keep him outside the room for that bit?

Wait until invited!

DC1 We didn't see anyone for 2 weeks!
DC2 was different and folks welcome after a couple of days

When I had mine, a loooong time ago my mum and dad and sisters came within a few hours of me giving birth. When my DD had her baby 2 years ago I went to the hospital the next day. I would have gone the same evening (at her request) but she had her quite late in the day.

Quite easily. Most people have a second parent involved in the conception of their children and that parent does the school/nursery run. They are entitled to 1 to 2 weeks paternity leave also.

Why are people acting as if grandparents not meeting a baby within 24 hours of birth means they don’t see them until their 1st birthday? We’re talking asking people to wait a couple of days/a week in the vast, vast majority of cases when waiting is asked.

It wasn't just the first as the reasons didn't change. We didn't have school runs, but there were two of us, so errands were not an issue. And I did pop out with the baby to the shops, I wasn't under house arrest!
But as I said our relatives weren't local, so it wouldn't have been a case of them nipping in for a coffee then leaving.

I think its a generational thing. I couldn't wait to show off my baby and had loads of visitors that first week which to be quite honest I would have gone spare if I hadn't had something to look forward, to as they kept you in for nearly a week with set visiting times. When I got home I had a few people knock on to see if they could have a little look and I was more than happy to show him off and I enjoyed the company. I really don't understand this change in attitude but each to their own I guess.

Weren't you bored senseless isolated fand stuck in the house for 40 days?

My parents went through a very acrimonious divorce and live abroad. My father was incredibly angry that I did not want the two of them to visit at the same time. I prioritised my mother to visit for the first week.

My in-laws are a delight and respected my wishes.

It becomes so much trickier when people visit from further away. DD2 was quite poorly and needed a lot of hospital visits. Imagine having to navigate that and handle tricky visitors at the same time.

I actually preferred being visited in hospital... No 'hosting' or being aware of mess, limited time. But I was in for a few days .My family visited within 24 hours in hospital. My in laws waited until at home as they had further to travel but was within a day or 2 of us getting home. I found having a newborn very hard but showing them off to close family / friends was one of my favourite bits, and I liked some company. And if anything I found it got harder as the days went on as the tiredness accumulated, the hormones went haywire, the initial excitement and glow wore off. So I definitely don't think I'd have found first visitors easier after more time had passed.

I would have felt very different if these visitors expected to stay longer than a couple of hours or were difficult people though I'm sure! I certainly couldn't have coped with overnight guests for months!

One thing I would say is that I'd have found someone saying 'let us know when you want visitors' harder in a way, as that would have put thinking on me and implied I had to be 'ready' in some way or that they were expecting to be treated as visitors. As long as you make it clear they can say no and you don't expect any hosting, I personally think 'can we drop in briefly tomorrow ' would be preferable to me, unless they've hade it clear in advance they don't want visitors for a while.

It doesn't matter what you think, this is their decision. Be ok with it or not, but if you're offended and pushy, that will be remembered.

Things have changed because we now realize how immature newborn immune systems are and that lots of people bringing their germs around is not a good idea. It's peak RSV and Influenza season right now. Plus, the parents are exhausted.

I did 40 days of seclusion. The kids didn't spoil and they didn't end up in the hospital or get sick.

For those who do this " bubble" is it only for the first baby? If not how do you manage to take kids to school) nursery etc without all and sundry seeing the baby before relatives? DD2 was born Monday and by Weds had to be dropped at nursery DS was Saturday and school run on Monday

About a week probably with #1. I spent 3 nights in hospital then by the time we came home it was into the weekend and we were finding our feet, then it was back to the working week where family were working. I'm sure my MIL came over the week after then my mum the week after that?

With #2 I got home late at night, MIL saw the baby and again the next day. I'm sure she had a hold at some point but I don't remember.

With #1 I initially said I didn't want visitors for 2 weeks but that was mainly because I have family abroad and I didn't want to have them to stay with us until I was feeling a bit more human. I was ready for visitors in short bursts within a few days and by #2 I was at a toddler group but day 5 because I needed to get out.

Everybody and every birth is different, the child number is different too so what might work for one family might not work for another and what one family did with one of their babies might not be what they want to do with another.

My in laws the day after we got home from the hospital and my parents after a few days, with my first. I had an induction, forceps, 3rd degree tear and haemorrhage. I was also feeling unwell mentally. I didn't really want anyone there to be honest (including myself 😂).

Second and third time I was begging my parents to come ASAP as they had proved themselves to be amazing grandparents and they were invaluable to us in those first few weeks and I hope they enjoyed that time firmly in our bubble too.

My in laws definitely met them pretty soon but had neither time, health nor capacity to be able to help much so very different to my mum and dad.

ds 1 I stayed in overnight, and all grandparents visited that day along with some friends

ds2 exdp came to the labour ward with ds1 so he was our first visitor! Then sil met us at the house as she's been looking after our dogs. The following day grandparents came and other sil

Should also add, I know some mums are happy for people to visit at hospital and as soon as they are home. Some don’t, both are fair

DS1 (26). My bedside in hosp was like Bethlehem, it's one of my treasured memories. First grandchild on both side.
There was no restriction on visiting from us, but of course people were respectful and courteous and asked if they could visit.

DS2 (16) was home next day so no visitors in hosp.
You know I can't actually remember. It wasn't a great time to be honest, but it was still the time when it was just left to the parents to decide.

I think some posters need to remember that woman are less inclined to put up and shut up these days. There is a photo of my mum with me in the hospital, surrounded by family just hours after a traumatic birth. She felt she couldn’t say “no” as it was the done thing then.

These days more and more woman are saying “I just want my DH there, and I want time to heal my stitches and not have my parents/in laws round within 24 hours of labour/surgery” and I feel that’s valid.

We need to remember a straight forward birth is still hard on the mum and it’s fair to want a few days to heal before having everyone pop over.

You wait 9 long months for your baby, it’s more than OK to just want to keep them to yourself for a couple days.

That being said I think the one month rule is a bit of a stretch if birth, mum and baby were all well and happy. I say give new parents a week before getting itchy feet to see new baby.

Two days later for my parents, sister and kids visited after about a week/10 days, but no holding baby as her kids were that age where they are always getting sick. Friends/other family, about two plus weeks