To ask you how long you waited before visitors

As a family it’s Immediately for family and close friends then a week of visiting between certain hours only for everyone else. People are told the visiting arrangements by text when the birth is announced and two different texts are sent out.

I'm working class, and no one other than DH and the HV saw DS for three and a half weeks. Do I have to hand in my class credentials at the door?

I had visitors in hospital with my first. With my second I was out very quickly, but still had a couple of visitors who brought dc1 to meet dc2. I was out for dinner eith family 2 days after dc1 and had afternoon tea with family 2 days after dc2. Both c sections.

My first was born during early COVID so my parents came to visit us a week or so after baby was born. I wished it was sooner. I wanted my mum to give me a cuddle.

DS1 next day because he was born at midnight but people were in the hospital by 11am

DS2 after 2 days cos was in hospital and it was COVID. But I don’t understand this new thing of not letting people come and see babies

I wouldn't take it personally at all (which it doesn't sound like you are, it sounds like you're being really respectful).

I had long labours with my kids (days not hours), zero sleep on the delivery ward and a 24 hour wait after delivery to be allowed home and got home late at night both times.

I was so tired and therefore a bit grumpy and I didn't want that to taint the first meeting, also I could hardly move and needed bed rest. So we had a day at home to ourselves then staggered the grandparents visits (3 sets!) the following day so it wasn't overwhelming. This was with the except of one grandparent who met our second baby the night we brought him home, as they had been caring for our eldest. I had warned them they would have to wait until we were ready, but I was ready much sooner than I anticipated to be honest!

I certainly didn't want anyone coming into the hospital (it was COVID times anyway so wasn't an option which removed that expectation) and I cannot see how that would be a nice environment to meet a grandchild anyway! Unless you get a side room you're just on the ward with a tiny little area barely big enough for the bed you're in and the little cot for the baby, let alone visitors! Also no privacy as you're separated by curtains from the other mums and babies.

If they're breastfeeding I think it's also nice to just have some time to get the hang of that as baby will inevitably need to feed during visits and your DIL won't want her boob hanging out in front of people who don't usually see it whilst she struggles to get a latch! You might recall if you breastfed your own children that the let down on the other boob they're not feeding on can be quite free flowing in the early days with your first baby, so that's another thing for DIL to think about managing. We got breastfeeding sorted pretty quickly, hence why I was comfortable with visitors quite soon. If you struggle then the HV/MW are on you with a feeding plan and regular weighings and it gets a bit stressful and life is dedicated to feeding and pumping until they're at a good weight.

In-laws came to the hospital (as did BIL & SIL with DD then back to ours where we had to order pizza). My family were later as they live 250 miles away. I would always let family come for a short ish visit on day 1 if all well.

I had grandparents and half siblings visit in hospital. All the rest after I got home (was in for about 3 days). Husband took no time off work (self employed) .

Both sets of parents met our babies on the day they were born. With our first child, we stopped off at my in-law’s on our way to stay at a community hospital (baby born in a main hospital in a local city), and my parents met us there.

With our youngest, we were discharged the same day he was born, and both sets of parents came over later that day (mainly to bring our eldest home, but also to visit our newborn).

Yeah, when did this "bubble thing" start 😂

Couple of weeks for both of mine, however my parents were abroad on holiday when DC1 was born, and with DC2 I was in a lot of pain following the emergency c-section. Paracetamol wasn't effective and it took a week for my prescription painkillers to become available plus struggling to establish bf (didn't realise that DC2 had a tongue tie) so I really wasn't up for hosting or visiting. Had it been easier it probably would have been sooner though, probably within a few days.

My mum visited the hospital. I also remember my mum and aunty being at my house on day 4 and being very helpful and reassuring with breastfeeding.

I would have been less inclined to want to see in laws in my semi naked (boob hanging out) bleeding state, but I’m sure they were around in the first few days.

Yeah, people on here are weird about this kind of thing but I think they live in a different world to me. My dp's were in hospital on the same night as birth. I would've been upset if they did'nt. I think it's because working classish people are more family orientated. We don't have to make appointments to visit, just a text to ensure they are home 😂
Congratulations grandma x

Well assuming you and another poster are correct that this person was wrong in the advice given in antenatal classes, thank goodness for that.

I breastfed both of mine so never had the relatives wanting to give the baby a bottle issue, also my parents and mother in law were nothing but wonderful and kind so I can't remember any eye rolling, in fact I do remember my mum specifically saying she wouldn't judge as she remembers her mum also saying she wouldn't judge new advice, and her mum before that, the biggest one was how to put the baby to sleep, front/side/back appeared to change with each generation, not sure what it is now, it was on their back with mine, side when I was a baby, front for my mum and I see lots of newborn baby picks at the moment of babies on their front, that might be a social media image thing rather than what they are actually doing though.

I only put expert in inverted comms as I was shocked at the advice and was wondering how 'expert' this was. I'm with you on experts saving lives - car seats, vaccines etc.

Why are people acting as if grandparents not meeting a baby within 24 hours of birth means they don’t see them until their 1st birthday?

They aren't. They are acting as if not meeting the baby for anywhere between 3 days and three weeks means they don't meet them for between 3 days and 3 weeks. Unless there is a really good reason, such as the mother or the baby being very ill or they are traumatised with abnormally severe birth injuries or whatever, it's a bit precious and unnecessary. Especially when it usually only applies to one side of the family but not the other. It's manipulative power play. It's unkind. And unfair to your partner.

To announce in advance to your partner's family that you will be requiring 1 or 2 weeks or a month of complete solitude to bond and heal etc (apart from your mum, your dad, your sister and your two best friends who all have special passes because you can't possibly cope without them) is just unfair and direspectful to your partner who will have to disappoint his own parents.

He deserves to have that moment of showing off his baby in the first few days as well. But he's probably too terrified to suggest it in case you act like he's just told you to go out in the snow and change a tyre on the car in your nightie with a baby latched to your breast and passing blood clots.

Honestly I was gutted they made me wait 24 hours for guests after my second was born. I was far too poorly for guests to be fair. But I love showing off my newborns to the family. My in laws were a God send when I had my first I remember walking through the door home. Handing dd to my mil and just asking her to wake me if she needed feeding. Then off to bed for a couple hours. My mil was delighted to bond with her first grand child. I was delighted to sleep.

I know it varies person by person. But new babies are so precious and to be shared in my opinion.

I agree. I just couldn’t wait to introduce my babies to family and friends. I would have gone stir crazy with boredom if I hadn’t had regular visitors once at home.
Everyone is different though.

DD is 7. She was born by planned c-section in the morning. My parents came that afternoon. My PIL and SIL came the next day.

We went home on day 4. My parents came back a week or so later and we had our first visits from wider family (my aunt) by the time DD was 9 days old. Friends from about 2 weeks. My in-laws came back again before she was 3 weeks old.

Basically I was just happy so many people wanted to meet our beautiful baby.

It helps everyone was kinda and considerate.

Well the local shopkeepers took interest in all of mine. Maybe you live in a large town/ city where it's more anonymous

Congratulations on your new grandchild!

I had home births. My first was born at 9 in the morning, after labouring through the night. My dad arrived first about few hours after the birth. Then (and neither of our mothers know this) my next door neighbour popped in for a quick cuddle. Then my mum arrived. MIL brought our niece for half hour late afternoon and by 7pm they were all back, with the addition of my brother, BIL and SIL. And I was helping make cups of tea. But I was on cloud nine and it felt like a lovely little party!

Second born at midday, again everyone came the same day.

Third born on first’s birthday so they were all with us, opening presents etc. until a few hours before I gave birth. Born 10pm so everyone visited the next day.

I never minded but I did have a very easy time of it giving birth so I understand it might be different if there have been complications or mother is exhausted.

Lol, what a weird loaded comment, they probably barely registered her. Shop workers weren't expecting to visit my house or expect interaction.

This is going to be as diverse as answers to the question how well do you get on with your family be. It seems obvious to me.

It really does vary from person to person, and from birth to birth. When I had my first, several members of my family turned up at the hospital while I was still in labour! The midwife was coming in telling me 'they're all out there waiting' while I was literally still trying to push the baby out and while I know they had good intentions, I found it so overwhelming. Then in-laws turned up within a couple of hours of me giving birth so I had to sit there smiling whilst thinking 'fuck me it hurts to sit down'.

Then with my second, you'd think it would be easier but I found it harder. I struggled with breastfeeding and the baby blues so spent the first couple of weeks in pain and crying for most of the day so found it really hard having people around constantly. One day in particular I was just about to get in the bath when a couple of family members turned up unannounced and stayed for hours, expecting to be fed etc. So definitely don't do that 😂

I couldn't wait to show off my baby.

I was quite blunt in that I told visitors (other than my parents and in laws) that they have to go after 45 minutes as we're exhausted. And I would set an alarm and get up and tell them to go. Everyone understood and was nothing but absolutely lovely. Might sound rude but we had visitors every day for the first 3 weeks so I didn't want my days taken over entirely by visitors.

All my friends were the same.

The only woman I know who banged on about needing privacy as a family etc is a cunt. The most annoying and self absorbed woman i have ever known.

Unfortunately having a baby doesn't change any of us for the better. It generally just makes us more entrenched in our ways.

My in-laws and my best friend came to the hospital a few hours after our first was born, my parents came in the first couple of weeks but I made them stay in a hotel.

With our second, in-laws came to visit just after we got home (same day as the birth), it would have been hard not to have them visit as they needed to return our eldest as they'd come to look after him while we went to the hospital!