To ask you how long you waited before visitors

at least 2 weeks for me, but thats because i am precious and dont mind. with the first, in laws flew in from abroad 1 month in and they expected to be fully hosted and taxied around, never once offered to help. can only imagine how that would have been like on the same day of giving birth..

You are assuming our partners don't think the same! I have to admit I don't understand the whole showing of a baby thing. If people want to that's fine, but not all of us see the need.

I can't actually remember with No. 1 but I think it was the day we got home from hospital (baby born late afternoon and we were discharged the next day), or possibly the day after that.

With No. 2 baby was born about 6am. We were home by 11am and we had both sets of parents over in the afternoon.

And preference!

I agree with this actually. It depends on relationship and circumstances.

It wasn't about having a wee bubble for me. More that I was struggling so much with having had a tear and breastfeeding wasn't going well. My in laws aren't the type to cook us a meal or give me time to pump etc without it being awkward. They arrived 3 days after baby arrived, en masse, with cream cakes. Sat about for ages and then we never heard from them again for 4 weeks. They aren't unkind but not helpful either. It's also not nice for a DIL to be so sore etc and vulnerable around in laws if you don't have that sort of relationship.

I think it was the second day we were home from hospital, so 3 days after birth for in-laws and my lot were a week after birth
Wish I'd have waited longer for both lots.
My lot live far away so 3 of them stayed ages both days and I have annoying relatives who questioned me for not being able to breastfeed anyway except lying down (so I went upstairs to breastfeed) and for not wanting to carry the baby upstairs (my back still felt wobbly after the epidural). I got much better at breastfeeding but it was a skill I had to learn.
In laws again I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding around and I was bleeding so much I just didn't want to see anyone
I wish I'd waited longer to see both.

I imagine everyone is different. I usually like a couple of days, then I don't mind my parents and in laws coming for a short visit. But after that I want space.

To me frequency of visits long term is more important than how long after I've given birth for the first visit.

I have a good relationship with my mother in law but I feel comfortable around her like a friend not family which means I don't particularly feel comfortable being stressed of vulnerable in her company so I tend to want more space after a baby.

We didn't have visitors for 4 weeks, but that was because we were abroad and visitors would be coming over for 2 weeks so we wanted to establish ourselves before we had people around 24/7. If we'd been in the same country and just had people popping in it would probably have been next day (immediately would have been late evening by the time I was back on the ward).

I think I would probably have preferred another day after that tbh as I got no sleep and was really zoned out. But I would have been fine with my DH introducing family to the twins, so long as I was left in peace!

My mum was at the birth so met him immediately.

DH's dad (his mum died before our son was born) met him when he came for Christmas just over a week later. He didn't live locally so couldn't just pop in.

Could not agree more. I find the whole 'bubble' thing very cringe.

I was happy to have anyone visit who wanted to (close family) straight away and had a c section and was breastfeeding so had just gone through major abdominal surgery and has by breasts out. Close family want to enjoy the excitement and for me it was about having those people around rather than closing in and forming a bubble.

Parents and siblings came to hospital after a few hours and were welcome to pop in whenever they wanted when we got home. We had other visitors after a few days. I had no complications and baby was in perfect health though.

It’s not a load of bollocks not anyone convinced me it was the right thing. I asked for 2 weeks in my case after I had my first and only baby. The whole experience was incredibly overwhelming and I couldn’t face having to also deal with visitors. Everyone is different, and I’m glad families on both sides understood and respected us

It’s pretty average, plenty of people stay in longer. Both my dc needed monitoring for 24 hours and with ds1 I needed help with feeding. I only know one person who was home the same day.

I gave birth during lockdown so a totally different situation. No visitors to hospital (even DH had to leave 1 hour after the birth and was only allowed in 2 hours before) I think my parents met DD 2 or 3 days later . In Laws we facetimed but i dont think they met DD until 1 month later due to them being poorly.

In fact, it cracks me up that on Mn, the forum where disproportionate numbers of posters regard visitors with frank horror, and who can't have even the quickest of callers throughout the door without scrubbing the house from attic to front steps, that there seems to be a general notion that not seeing visitors immediately after giving birth is somehow 'precious'

Yes but those very people who are terrified or letting visitors in the door full stop or without three weeks notice and a deep clean, are probably the exact same ones intent on gatekeeping their babies for the first month and then probably still finding reasons why their partner's parents can't see the baby for too long, or too often. They are just uptight and controlling generally and motherhood gives them the perfect excuse to be even more so.

Why? Were you both extremely ill or something? Or did both sides of your family live hundreds or thousands of miles away?

Edited to say: just seen your other post, and yes they do! Fair enough.

Not at all. I'm fond of my parents and my PILs -- and in fact my PILs and SIL met DS before my parents did.

It's just that when you have a child in a different country to your family, having them visit to see your baby becomes a big production, especially if, like my parents and PILs, they have to be collected from LHR, escorted to our flat on the tube, found accommodation elsewhere (we had a tiny one-bed flat and I wasn't going to sleep on the living room floor after a CS) and fed, looked after escorted back and forth to wherever they're staying every day for as long as they're staying because they can't cope with London public transport.

It's not always a matter of people nipping in for an hour the day you give birth. Sometimes it involves hosting visitors who need a lot of looking after after a difficult birth.

And surely it's very easy to understand why that's not straightforward when you've just given birth.

In fact, it cracks me up that on Mn, the forum where disproportionate numbers of posters regard visitors with frank horror, and who can't have even the quickest of callers throughout the door without scrubbing the house from attic to front steps, that there seems to be a general notion that not seeing visitors immediately after giving birth is somehow 'precious'.

My daughter wanted me to visit as soon as she’d given birth. Mind you, it could be because she knew I’d bring up M&S fresh fruit and prawn salads. 😉

Grandparents came to visit in the hospital and at home, more than welcome.

We did ask for two weeks to ourselves before overnight stays though.

I think parents (both sides) should be able to visit in the first few days. With my first my in-laws came for a brief visit to the hospital the day I gave birth. Can’t remember what happened second time and it was only 16 years ago!

We didn't, I couldn't wait for people, especially close family (both sides), to welcome our babies into their respective families! We have good relationships with everyone though and also people would visit and happily bring bits of shopping if asked, they'd sort themselves out with cups of tea if needed, help entertain the older child/ren and so on. So it was a help and good company too.

With my first everyone came straight away to the hospital. But with number 2 I had a difficult end of my pregnancy and had basically been housebound for a month, I was going stir crazy so asked to leave the hospital ASAP and then I wanted to go for a walk as soon as I got home. I told everyone that I would let them know when to come. They ignored that and turned up immediately!

As soon as we were both home from hospital. I didn't want visitors whilst I was in hospital so about 4 days old.