To ask you how long you waited before visitors

Offer to go the shop for them, make something they can eat easily and drop it off, give them the choice of you coming in or not.

I agree.

There's also the fact that it is obviously the woman who gives birth and if you are sore, overwhelmed etc sometimes you just want your mum and I think that's understandable.

I wasn't talking about you at all here. I should have made it clearer, that I was referring to some of the other posts on this thread.

You sound very nice and I'm sure your son and DIL appreciate your patience!

Obviously grandparents were welcome immediately regardless of my personal views on my in laws.

It's not super close, but not that far. She lives about 1.5 hours away (and drives).

He was very traumatised by the birth, as was I - as things didn't go well and the baby was very distressed and it was a long drawn out birth and I didn't cope well at all (and we had lost 2 babies previously). I think she realised what a state my husband was in, so came initially to support him, but I did find it a bit stressful that she was still there on the first night my son and I came home from hospital!

My parents didn’t want to visit untill I was at home..They also live about 1.5 hours away, and it was a joint decision.

My mum visited me every day when I was in hospital (five days), the day after I got home, and then every couple of days. A couple of friends visited me in hospital as well. I was so glad to have my mum visiting me in hospital and at home. She would have stayed for a couple of weeks but we moved home a few weeks before my baby was born and the majority of the house was derelict. We’d only managed to get the kitchen, bathroom, our bedroom, and nursery ready in time so there was nowhere she could stay. My mother in law csme round a few days after I got home from hospital.

I really can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to see close family and friends at a time like that.

No, but you have said that people who want to wait for visitors are cruel and shortsighted, and that they may want to protect their peace but aren’t bothered about “the other party.” Even if waiting is hard, you have to respect their boundaries.

Was that due to travelling a fair distance to visit or just stayed round as she thought he couldn’t cope? 😆

If its the second reason, then 🤦🏼‍♀️

My son was born on Wednesday evening and I was in hospital with him until the Saturday. My parents came to visit on the Sunday. I was quite unwell afterwards and I don't think I would have wanted visitors before, although MIL came to the hospital after the birth and then stayed with DH at out home for a few days!!!

I find it bizarre that so many MIL's complain about not being treated the same as their DILs mum and blame their son's wife.

It's your son, who's responsible for including you, not your DIL. I have a good relationship with my MIL, but I videocall (we live abroad) my mum multiple times a week so she does see my dd more.

My DH only talks to his parents when he has to and, if I didn't send pictures weekly, they'd only get about three a year from him.

My parents always came to visit on the first day. I really wanted to show my newborns off. I had a house full of people the same day as giving birth to one of mine, including the my parents, sibling, plumber (central heating died - emergency call out) the landlord, the in-laws, a random auntie in law I didn’t know and a couple of friends all turned up. It was crazy but I loved it! Lots of presents and it was nice to be fussed over. I did feel a little overwhelmed but I knew they were all going to go home at some point.

Mine visited after my DH’s and I adore both sets.

We are a more assertive generation of parents and the Mum’s physical and mental health (the Dad’s aswell I will add) is the most important thing. Pleasing relatives should come second to that. 2,3,4,5 days makes absolutely no difference (most newborns will be fast asleep, curled up like their still inside the Mum’s tummy!). The grandparents wont be missing out on anything if the Mum and Dad need a few days to adjust and recover. I know I did with our first.

With our second, home on the day I gave birth, saw one set of grandparents same day (also DH’s) and I was out on a walk when the midwife phoned on day 2 (I think I got a ‘why are you not in pyjamas’)😆

It can be so different the first time to the second and I think most people agree that it should be the choice of new parents and no one else’s. I do agree though that there shouldn’t be discrimination against one set of grandparents if there’s a good relationship with both sets.

I felt absolutely horrendous and found breastfeeding so difficult for the first 4 days, presume milk was delayed due to c section. MIL came round on day 5, my parents came round day 6 I think. I can't remember. My mum said that after everything we went through to have DC, we didn't need to worry about sharing our precious first cuddles.

It was about a year before we saw our baby granddaughter as we live abroad from them and they came out to visit us.

However, despite the fact that we live far away, it was about 2 days after the birth before DS messaged to say she’d was born and both mum and baby doing well.

Obviously (!) DIL’S mum was at the hospital shortly after the birth and knew all the details well before us inc. when mum went into labour.

I just found it sad that DS was happy to keep us in the dark for so long. We get on well with DIL so I’ve never mentioned it, but it did hurt a lot at the time.

If you’re the mum of a son, be prepared to be excluded and constantly play second fiddle to DIL’s own mum. It seems to be how it is, these days.

A few hours after all 3 babies were born.

My Mum met dd when she was 9 hours old as I needed a lift home

I had 1 set of parents 2 days after and the other set a few days later (due to distance/work). We were very happy with that. First two days (day our first was born and the day after) were absolutely just ours.

I think this generation of Mums (and Dads) is far more aware of the importance of mental health. A Mum has just been through possibly the most emotional/traumatic/painful/amazing day of her life and I think it should be the Mum’s decision when she’s ready for vistor’s.

There is also a big difference between visiting and staying too long which we experienced with some relatives. Most people come for a cuppa (hopefully offer to make it or hold the baby!), a cuddle, drop a present if they want to and let you know they are there at the end of the phone for anything you need. Some people dont seem to get the hints that new parents are surviving on no sleep, totally exhausted and just want to be in their own bubble for most of the day. You can love your friends and family and also need a few days (or whatever it takes) to adjust to your new family life.

With my own children, I hope I will be very aware of how exhausted new parents are and when I visit i’ll make it clear to them it will be a short visit (unless they absolutely need our help and ask us to stay longer).

It's possible to understand that people might want to do things differently to you without making judgemental "cringe" comments.