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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am being wildly unreasonable about DD’s New York trip but I need people to tell me I am

263 replies

CurlewKate · 16/01/2026 11:56

Dd is going to New York for a two week work trip tomorrow. Obviously I won’t tell her this-but I am so scared about her being in the US at the moment. I’m not at all an anxious person and I’ve never felt like this about anyone travelling abroad before. Tell me I’m being completely irrational!

OP posts:
Gahr · 16/01/2026 16:49

CurlewKate · 16/01/2026 16:45

Probably one of the worst pieces of advice ever given on any Mumsnet thread!

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Why? I rarely watch the news these days and it's done wonders for my mental well-being. A lot of being 'informed' is just doom scrolling and wallowing in collective hysteria.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 16/01/2026 16:45

UniquePinkSwan · 16/01/2026 16:32

You really need to stop watching the news

Probably one of the worst pieces of advice ever given on any Mumsnet thread!

OP posts:
Gloriia · 16/01/2026 16:36

Surely as a parent it is just the norm to have some underlying worry wherever they go? You just have to accept to and manage it. I'd rather NYC than many other places.

PattiPatty · 16/01/2026 16:32

YANBU. I was worried when DS went to NY a few years ago , it was 2020 immediately before lockdown. Like you I didn't say it to him, nothing unusual about a parent worrying when DC travel. He made it back just in time before flights stopped , had a great time and dodged covid.

UniquePinkSwan · 16/01/2026 16:32

You really need to stop watching the news

Gahr · 16/01/2026 16:30

It's New York, not Alabama. She'll be fine.

Fuggleup · 16/01/2026 16:28

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Echobelly · 16/01/2026 15:11

Tbh, I think that the worst that could happen to a British citizen currently is that they just get turned back at the border but at the moment I think that's only happening to people who are known to have involvement in progressive political stuff the US regime doesn't like. I don't think they're checking people's social media yet.

RyanFudgingMurphy · 16/01/2026 15:11

My neice went a year ago to see a show on Broadway with her uni friends and she had a great time, though think may have changed since.

Vodkamartini3olives · 16/01/2026 15:07

Bimmering · 16/01/2026 13:36

Is she white?

If so, she will be fine

If she isn't, I totally understand your fears

What a silly statement. New York is one of the most diverse place in the world.
Op your daughter will have a fabulous time. My niece is currently in New York and is constantly updating the group chat with all the fun things she's doing and how much she loves it there. It's very cold in Jan/Feb so layers are the key.
Don't believe everything you read most of us here in the States are still just living our normal lives.

IAmKerplunk · 16/01/2026 14:42

My dd20 went for a week just before Christmas and had a great time! What is it that you are worried about?

oneoneone · 16/01/2026 14:27

CurlewKate · 16/01/2026 14:22

I actually think that if I do have a legitimate cause for concern it’s what someone said earlier- the possibility of an escalation of international tension around Greenland and/or Iran.

Incidentally-it’s possible to tell someone you think they are being unreasonable without actually being offensive. Something some of you might want to consider.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all, but I do think NY feels much safer in reality than it does in your mind.

And not to throw a scare into things, but if Greenland kicks off (and I very much hope some kind of sense will prevail and it won't), people in the US are probably safer than we are here.

@nixon1976 Any Times Square outposts can get in the bin!

WinterSonnet · 16/01/2026 14:25

Whilst I do understand your concern, It is NYC - pressuming Manhattan?

She will be fine. Be excited for her instead. It is a fabulous city!!

..Definitely encourage the packing of all thermals.

KitsyWitsy · 16/01/2026 14:23

The only thing she needs to worry about is the cold. I was recently in Chicago and was woefully unprepared for temperatures of -16c plus snow. I had to buy new clothes and boots.

The rest is ridiculous scaremongering. Not saying there aren't problems, of course there are; but your daughter isn't going to have any issue.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 16/01/2026 14:22

I actually think that if I do have a legitimate cause for concern it’s what someone said earlier- the possibility of an escalation of international tension around Greenland and/or Iran.

Incidentally-it’s possible to tell someone you think they are being unreasonable without actually being offensive. Something some of you might want to consider.

OP posts:
undone561 · 16/01/2026 14:19

ExpectZeroContext · 16/01/2026 12:59

Kindly, you tell yourself this is about safety, when in truth it is about control, and your inability to tolerate a world you cannot police. Grow up.

Ah, not so 'kindly' after all then.

OP she's going to have a great time I'm sure! We worry about all sorts as parents, but that's part of the job I guess. Get her to send you loads of pics!

nixon1976 · 16/01/2026 14:19

oneoneone · 16/01/2026 13:32

Agreed. I'm also partial to Fascati in Brooklyn Heights and Prince Street Pizza. DH is a Joe's man (overrated IMO).

@CurlewKate Tell your DD to try them all and report back!

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I do love Joe's too (the Soho branch not the Times Square one).

Poppingby · 16/01/2026 14:18

surreygirly · 16/01/2026 13:35

Nothing
Its nonsense and virtue signalling

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I do not think virtue signalling means what you think it does.

Fuggleup · 16/01/2026 14:18

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Fuggleup · 16/01/2026 14:11

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Aethelredtheunsteady · 16/01/2026 14:07

midlifemover21 · 16/01/2026 13:49

Loads of different nationalities are passing through USA everyday. Many of my friends on a range of visas. I have been reprimanded twice as a visa holder for not carrying a specific form on me.

As a tourist Esta holder you’ll be fine. You’re not their concern. Regardless of heritages.

I got stopped at immigration under Biden - twice. My 18yr old got stopped nd taken back for additional questions (with Green Card) under Biden. This isn’t a new thing, it’s about it those with visas following the immigration rules. They exists in the UK too.

Just saying!

Getting stopped/having extra scrutiny going through border control isn't new (the US has long had a reputation for how aggressive their TSA agents were going back to 9/11).

What is new is the potential detention in ICE centres without due process or with long/indeterminant waits to be processed. Looks at the stories of Jessica Brösche, Rebecca Burke etc. Not to mention the US citizens who have been incorrectly rounded up by ICE and detained for long periods of time despite having paperwork.

Notmyreality · 16/01/2026 14:06

Yes you are being wildly unreasonable.
Get a grip.
HTH

NewName2026 · 16/01/2026 14:02

It's not unreasonable. The president is talking up the dangers of the country, telling the world it's full of domestic terrorists and drug users. He is making it clear that foreigners are not welcome and that he doesn't think laws, international or domestic, apply to him.

Minneapolis, of all places seems to be about to be put under a form of martial law.

However, he is clearly not to be trusted or particularly believed.

Im sure she'll be fine, and have a wonderful time.

Poppingby · 16/01/2026 13:56

I think it'll be fine but I don't think you're stupid. Her personal safety (deportation, ICE etc) is probably much as it ever was but the risk of a major diplomatic situation in Greenland/ with NATO is not non-existent and being abroad complicates things.

Those who say this is about you wanting to control global politics either have their head in the sand or think things are going well politically in the us...

Original poster
CurlewKate · 16/01/2026 13:50

Thank you. I expected to be told that I ABU. Because I know I am!!! I think some people missed that last bit.

OP posts:
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