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15 year old DS has two modes: obnoxious or defensive

28 replies

Spiritedlight · 16/01/2026 11:56

DS has always been wilful, opinionated, strong minded - I don't mind it. It's who he is and that's it. There have been clashes - he doesn't like to be told ANYTHING - and I can be a hot head. But we are also close.

But the past 6 months, we have really struggled with him. He's become so...obnoxious. And when he's not acting like he knows everything (when he knows nothing), he's defensive. If he does badly in a test (because he didn't revise), he'll say immediately, well look at how well I've done in others. This is just a lapse. But there are many lapses...because he doesn't want to learn from his mistakes.

It makes having any sort of conversation impossible - about anything. He just thinks he either knows it, or we can't help him/teach him anything, takes it as criticism, or fires back insults and criticism to us.

It's exhausting and pretty depressing - even when I try and take the softly soflty approach.

Is it an age and stage? Is he insecure hence the above? I guess I'm trying to figure it out to strengthen the connection, but maybe I'm overthinking it. His sister was nothing like this.

OP posts:
ScholesPanda · 16/01/2026 12:10

Age and stage. 14-17 is often the worst age.

Greater independence (getting a part-time job is good) will help I found, he'll suddenly realise that the world isn't just going to bend to his will.

moofolk · 16/01/2026 12:00

Following as mine is similar. I have twins, so I know it’s not all 15 yo boys!

I’m at the end of my tether with everything I say being met with grunts at best, or outright hostility.

mumonthehill · 16/01/2026 12:00

I would say it is an age and a stage! I used to just back off or say we agree to disagree. It is infuriating though. Ds25 who apparently knew everything and we were clueless in his teenage years now regularly phones for advice on house buying, diy etc as suddenly it would seem we do actually know stuff!! Play the long game as it will pass.

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