AIBU to be upset partner changed his gmail password?

YABVU

Firstly, for logging into his emails.
It doesn’t matter that you didn’t click on them, it’s still a massive privacy violation and I would be raging if my DH logged into any of my personal stuff.

Secondly, for acting like his mother.
Why are you applying for jobs on his behalf - if he wants a new one then he can apply for them.
Even my teen applies for their own jobs.

Get him to log into indeed, upload his CV and write a cover letter that he can edit.
Once it’s on your profile, you literally just click ‘apply’.

For jobs needing to manually input your information, he’ll have his CV to hand and it’s just a case of typing it up.

If he really wants a new job then he’d apply for one.
Stop being such a martyr - I literally can’t understand why you’d even suggest doing this for him.

OK, well then he can apply for his own bloody jobs, instead of sitting in an angry puddle. FFS

The bigger problem is that you are with a man-baby who can't make his own job applications.

YABU for marrying a man child and taking full responsibility for him.

So he is unhappy with his job situation but is taking no responsibility for improving it, pushing it on to you and then moaning at you for doing what needs to be done to do what he asked. Email access issue aside, you aren’t responsible for doing his adulting for him. Tell him he’s an ungrateful prick and use the time for you.

Does he do anything in the house? Does he do any of the grunt work with the children? Let me guess - no.

I would tell him you are trying to help but because he spoke to you like shit he can sort his own life out.

Agreed.

Apparently @Sunshine2361 took the time to help him even with her own job, and looking after children and the home they share.

Hates his job but thinks has no time to apply for jobs, but even though you feel burnt out from your job and you do the childcare and housework on top of that, you are able to his job applications?

Then he has the gall to complain about you using his account linked to his email, for the thing he asked you to do?

What does he do when he is not working? Clearly not housework and childcare.

What are his redeeming qualities? I doubt any of them could make up for the above failures.

he’s desperate for a new one so I’ve been helping him by doing job applications for him. He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly.

Tell him 'Do your own fucking applications then.' and leave him to his misery. What an idiot. Plus, he's up to something he shouldn't be.

Changing password is normal, I change mine occasionally to ensure the safety of my account.

However, making job applications on behalf of someone else is really weird. How is he going to perform in a job if he's not even able to apply like a grown up man?

You're working full time. You have young kids and you find the time to apply for jobs for him and he says he doesn't have the time. Helping with applications is one thing, but you're doing the whole thing for him.

He's not taking steps to change his situation.

That wouldn't be an attractive characteristic for me at all.

Okay, it was hard to tell from your op because you said he doesn't have time to do them and doesn't know how to, which kind of sounds like the excuses people make when they just don't want to actually do anything about the problem. (And you didn't actually say he had asked you to do them on his behalf) I think sometimes one partner might be more skilled at something than the other - maybe you are better at wording letters/emails etc- it's fine to help each other (if there are reciprocal situations where both partners help each other) but for something like this, I think it's better to sit down together and do the applications. It would be pretty awkward for him if someone phoned him up in the afternoon before he gets home, when you sent his application in the morning, and they are calling him about a job "he" has applied for that he actually knows nothing at all about?

The bigger problem is that you're trying to fix life for an adult man who has less responsibilities than you.

Why the eff are you working full time, sorting the kids out AND applying for jobs for him?! It's not normal or healthy. Give your head a wobble.

Can see why he'd be upset if he thinks you've be poking around his emails but I'd have been telling him to submit his own job applications before that ocurred. Sure, help him with a CV or identifying jobs ads but he needs to take some responsibility from there on.

I think the last few posters can't have seen OP's update (as indeed I hadn't before I pressed send on my own response.

Without wanting to infantilise anybody, it reminds me of when toddlers stubbornly object to you changing their nappy - when they're hardly going to be doing it for themselves, are they?!

That’s your issue, enabling a manchild, not his gmail password!

Well you’ll get an army of people saying he’s up to no good and something to hide
but I’m with him nothing at all on my email but would find it a massive invasion of privacy

on the same level as going through my phone ( again nothing to hide on it )

I guess as a kid my parents had no respect for my privacy so I really value it now and possibly over sensitive about it

He’s being ridiculous and demanding
he needs to find his own new job
i wonder if his demands on you and behaviours are how he acts at work

Did you tell him you were going to access his emails?

It's like opening someone's correspondence, fine if they know and are happy, awful if they don't know.

Nice drip feed of doing all the child care. That's not an obvious ploy to get people on your side at all

I think you should have asked him. I would always ask my husband if I needed to access something generally thought of as private, like his email or txt messages or medical info ir whatever. It's just respectful isn't it?
I get you were trying to help but I think the majority of people would feel it was invasive for someone to use their email without asking. I know you weren't looking through them but still its a thing that requires explicit permission.
I would be upset if anyone just assumed they could log into my email without directly asking me.

he needs to do his own applications
he does have time - or he has to carve it out so he ca change his situation
You shouldn’t be doing them
He needs to get focused on finding a decent role, register with agencies and his CV looking great

It's a good question, but OP says "He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly."

Presumably, if he didn't want her to do it, he would ask her to help by doing them after he has logged her in, ask her to help by showing him how to do them, research online and learn how to do them himself, lie that he would do them himself and not do so, or otherwise say/claim that he's now happy enough in his current job.

I get that there's a potential privacy issue, but what alternative is there here?