AIBU to be upset partner changed his gmail password?

His reaction suggests he is stressed/on edge. he’s be getting this from me.

Dear DH,
I did not access your gmail account. As agreed I logged in to Indeed. This is linked to your email account as you are aware but it does not open it , so I don’t view any emails. I sent some job applications for you.

Please take a moment to step back and consider your reaction and the tone of the messages you sent to me.

Lets talk later as that way we can communicate more clearly and fairly. In the meantime, I will take a step back from helping you with the job search.

This a hundred times! Did you need another child to look after? Stop enabling him.

Accessing his emails is the least of your worries here…

Sounds like he doesn’t understand the logging in process, like 75% of posters on here! But in your shoes I’d not be doing another applicant for him after his reaction. Time he grew up anyway and did them himself.

Why does having privacy mean you’re hiding something??

That is a controlling partners script - you need to let me see it, else you must be hiding something.

Do you share your text messages, MN account and diary - if not, does that mean you’re hiding something?

Just because I would never let my DP have access to my private things doesn’t mean I’m hiding anything and I would trust him enough to not ever look through his either.

If I couldn’t trust him to even have an email account then I wouldn’t be with him because that’s not healthy.

When he gets the new job are you going to do it for him as well?

I think it’s just a misunderstanding: you didn’t realise you were logging into his gmail account without permission, since you were just logging into indeed and used the details he gave you, and he didn’t realise he’d given you the details on an ongoing basis.

Unless there is a massive backstory, his level of apathy towards finding himself a job while burdening you who is also working full time and looking after kids is completely unreasonable.

Fuck that - tell him to find his own job then!

Can I ask how old he is? Has he always had such cognitive difficulties that he doesn't know how to apply for jobs and so little time in order to do it?

Privacy aside (my DH can check my emails any damn time I have nothing to hide) I couldn't find a man with such learned helplessness attractive.

He can't have it both ways. He either does his own job aplications or allows you access.

He could have set up a new email address in Gmail specifically for job alerts, applications etc rather than his usual email.

Sounds like he has something to hide.

Why are you seemingly doing everything around the house, for the kids and for him?

Applying for jobs is time consuming if you want to do them properly. And it sounds like you are pushed for time anyway. I'd stop doing it.

If hes not motivated enough to apply for jobs himself is he going to get you to go to interviews in his behalf?

He sounds a bit twattish tbh.

Spouses should not have private email accounts - unless they are hiding something. What does DH want to hide from his wife that he's got hysterical at her navigating to his indeed profile through his gmail account?
And I would have checked the emails - because my DH never did and swore he could not write an email! We had a joint email account in his name, ditto one in mine both open all the time, i.e. click on icon and they open. DH never worked this out - tbh not worth the bother to read emails about gas bills etc.

It looks like there is a severe lack of understanding from your DH and posters here on how linked accounts work. If your husband can't understand the process then he needs to do it himself. Ignore the hysterical about "his privacy" as it's clear that, like your husband, these posters don't have a clue what you're talking about. You could sit him down and show him the process but after the way he spoke to you... Fuck that.

The main issue here is him though clearly. From the sounds of it the way he speaks to you is completely unacceptable and it doesn't sound like he respects you at all. Does he add anything to your life?

He doesn't understand how his Google account works plus is a rude ungrateful dick plus appears to have something to hide! Up to you whether or how to address any of that, but for sure stop doing his job applications for him.

Let him apply for his own flipping jobs. Sure once you have a basic template in place, it shouldn’t be too hard for him to simply copy stuff across as necessary.

I also don’t really understand why anyone would be so precious about their email address. If he wanted to keep things private, he should have created a separate account just for job applications. But then he’d probably expect you to do that for him too. DP can look at my emails any time he wants as I’m not hiding anything. I check DP’s emails more often than he does because otherwise he would miss stuff because he has ADHD and emails aren’t floating two inches from his face all day every day, which is the only way he’d remember. And even then …🤣

This.

Also OP - people only read the first post where you did say you "logged into his Gmail" when you meant that you clicked the "log in via Gmail" button, right? You'll get post after post questioning that - if you reply to all of them you'll be here all day.

I find that weird. My email account is open all the time. If it shuts down I have to hunt for the password. My late DH didn't have an email account separate from mine i.e. all emails went to both of us and the account uses his name not mine. Why does your DH think that his gmail account is private from you? What's he doing on it?

You’re not his secretary or PA, he needs to apply for jobs himself. If he’s that desperate for a new job, he’d do it himself.

He sounds pretty ungrateful. I have access to all of my husbands accounts as I also help him with his ‘life admin’ - he wouldn’t care at all if I accessed his emails, he would see it as me doing him a favour. I’m not sure he knows his email passwords anyway. I’m the one who helps him every time he forgets them. But then I guess he has nothing to hide from me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’d tell him you were not reading his emails. You were sending applications for him via indeed and it’s linked. He’d know this if he was applying himself. No thanks for all the time I’ve taken doing applications. I’m not doing any more applications for you, you can do them yourself.
If he hadn’t been a dick I’d have said sitting together and doing it was best. He’ll know what’s he’s done, can answer in own words and you assist with tech side but I wouldn’t now.

Your husband is an adult man, he’s old enough to procreate, he’s old enough to send a fucking email to get a better job.

stop mothering him! You’re not helping him, you’re babying him.

No one enjoys applying for jobs. What else do you do for him that he finds difficult?

He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly.

Lol. 🤦

You married an idiot or lazy bastard.
The gmail is the least of the issues here

I guess this is the perfect excuse to not do the applications anymore. You're working full time, looking after the house / kids etc etc and burnt out. He can do his own applications if he's that unhappy.

You are being unreasonable to do job applications for him! If he can’t fill out his own applications then how is he going to do the job? Don’t enable a man child… maybe if Mr Big Man wants privacy he can also be an adult and run his own life

You aren’t helping him, you are enabling him to not take responsibility for his life. Are you planning to hold his hand in interviews? Come on OP, I suspect he’s not big on responsibility if you are already carrying the mental and domestic load.

You are making a rod for your own back, a rod he will use against you whenever he sees fit, this situation is a perfect example of it.

Step back, you can’t help someone if they are unwilling to help themselves.

OP how did he expect you to apply for jobs without accessing his email? What did he actually want you to do here? It sounds like he has said he wanted you to do a task, then had a go at you for doing a task in the only way it can possibly be done? (Like can you fetch me this object from my wallet, then having a go at you for going through his wallet).

But...take a step back. You work full time, you do everything in the house, you do everything for the kids. And he works. And gives you tasks and then criticises you for it. It sounds a very unequal partnership and a dynamic where you're effectively his parent. It's not normal for someone who doesn't like their job, to get their partner to apply for others in such a passive way (what have you applied for me today then!?). Most partners will check each others CVs and give each other advice and that's it.

Would he do anything similar for you, if you were stressed and hated your job?

OP did not log into his emails, she logged into his Indeed account, which is an online recruitment site.

Personally I would tell the ungratful brat that he finds himself a job by himself.