DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

that is an unfair comparison, just because they were fighting in a war in a plane doesn't make anybody else's jobs since then unstressful.

GP is supportive as says the stress and anxiety for DS is so high that he’s in burnout. @dswork

That's your answer.

He's in burnout. How bad does it have to get before you support him with what's best for his health?

What does he enjoy?

What would be his 'dream' way to spend his time?

What are the things he really hates?

What are the things that cause the most stress?

Get him to really think about those and emphasise that, especially the last two, aren't necessarily the same thing.

They're questions we've been asking autistic DD as she comes up on college applications and starts looking at careers. It was interesting to see how differently she saw some things and that, in fact, some of the things she enjoys most would likely also leave her exhausted taken in a 'career' direction, whereas things she hates, she can cope with day to day fine. 'Boring' can be an asset here.

(FWIW - It also became very quickly clear why we're seeing such a surge in people not able to find work that suits. We're losing hundreds of roles that people with these issues would have slotted into just fine. DD, for example, would have been an excellent 'old-style' librarian - cracking memory, loves books, polite, peaceful and just a little quirky. She'd be perfectly happy spending all day cataloguing, shelving, tidying, finding things, chatting, making suggestions and from time-to-time, deep-diving a topic with someone and it is her 'dream job' - but the role is dying off at speed, certainly as a paid job that can support someone, and the way the GCSE English exams are structured is so NT biased that despite a vocab and reading score off the charts, and predicted 8-9 in other essay based subjects, there's no way she'll be able to get anywhere near the grades at GCSE and A-Level in the subject to open the field anyway.)

In the short-term, yes, he absolutely should claim. He's tried, it's making him ill, and he needs to step back and let everything settle down again.

But it needs to be framed as a window to reset and make plans, and not as 'here, do nothing' as that leaves him very vulnerable moving forward.

He would be better off working with animals. Even if it is just a volunteering position to start with. People with ASD and adhd have benefitted massively from working with animals so I would personally look down that route first - and also start part time and build it up

I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all to give you both a break to focus on his future. This is unsustainable.

What is he good at? Does he have any passions? Would a working from home job suit him? Or something outdoors?

Yes he should get UC and be in the LCW group, you will need Fit notes from your doctor sending in until UC can assess him.
Ignore any negative posts

I agree.

I lost my job and was only out of work for a couple of months and I had massive anxiety going back.

I can imagine this would be way more stressful for an autistic young person.

This is so true.

The thought of returning to the workplace after being out for so long, could have a very detrimental effect.

OP, if I were you I'd fight tooth and nail to keep him at work but with help from any outside agencies you can find.

Can the GP signpost you to any support? I'm thinking therapy or services which help young people with mental health difficulties, careers advice and further training.

I do think it's better to tackle this now rather than keep pushing him when he's so unwell and close to burnout. I think customer facing roles often aren't the best fit for a person who struggles with anxiety and panic. I'm similar to your son, that it's always taken a lot to just get out of the door and I've always worked customer facing roles. I changed jobs every couple of years throughout my 20sas I was convinced I could find a workplace where I didn't feel constantly on edge (didn't happen). I'm now in my 40s and holding down a job has taken so much energy that I don't really have a social life, as I prioritised needing to be well enough to work over everything else.

What sort of things is he interested in? I think if he can find work in a field which interests him, possibly with a work from home element, that may feel a bit more manageable.

I think a break is a good idea if he is near burnout because the more mentally and physically exhausted he gets, the longer it can take to recover.
Whilst recovering could you explore what he really enjoys doing and what hours or work schedule he could cope with. As a late diagnosed adult I've discovered at the grand age of 40 that I like chaos/random shift patterns or night shifts.. I'm stuck in a 9-5 job because childcare would now be an issue for me but as soon as my children are old enough to stay at home alone at night I'll try for a job as a 999 call handler or something similar which I should of done 20 years ago!!!

My 15 year old Neurodivergent daughter is no longer at school because she couldn't cope and attends a "school" that is community based and her education is very non conventional, try to be creative looking for his next opportunity and align it with his whole personality not just certain sector.

As heart warming as this little ancestry report is, it's got absolutely nothing to do with the OP or her son.

@dswork I hope you are able to take reassurance from the genuinely positive helpful posts on here and ignore the nasty judgemental ones from posters who have no idea about autism or ADHD.

It sounds like you both need a circuit break, that DS needs to step off the treadmill and get well and then you can hopefully both make a longer term plan. It is great your GP is supportive and recognises the burnout for what it is. Your DS is still very young. Clearly retail and hospitality are not options for him going forward and I would imagine that an admin type role will have been utterly overwhelming. There will be career options out there for him but he needs to get well first.

I have a 21yo with ASD/ADHD who needs a lot of 'scaffolding' and probably always will. I sometimes despair at the amount he seems to need to sleep but as others have sensibly pointed out, that is a burnout coping mechanism. University was tough (though he got an excellent degree in the end) and whilst he is currently managing a job it is very part-time and I am not sure if he would cope with more at present. The plan is to build up slowly to try and avoid burnout. He takes meds for both the ADHD and for anxiety, sees a counsellor once a week, and has a martial arts hobby he loves. But looking back on the last three years, I would say it was only when he started taking the anti anxiety medication that his ability to cope really started to improve.

Is it worth exploring other medication options for your DS? If it helps, we got specialist advice about anti anxiety medication (as had to be careful with the ADHD meds he's also on) and he was prescribed venlaxfacine which does seem to help.

I wish both of you all the best, it is very very tough parenting an ND young adult.

Take a couple of weeks off sick to begin with if the doctor signs him off

Consider job like the post where you are mainly outside on your own although there is the sorting early morning

What about disabled employment support?

Or working part-time?

The alternative is that he stops working at 20, and no longer participates or contributes to society, and retreats from the world ... That might be a recipe for depression.

My concern for him would be that if he gets too comfortable being at home, he’ll never want to return to the workplace. It’s true for many people with anxiety. They avoid the thing that makes them feel anxious so much than it makes it feel impossible to return to.

What sort of jobs is he doing? I have a friends who’s son has similar challenges. He’s been working for a supermarket part-time packing van for delivery. It’s very organised, process led work. No contact with customers and very little communication needed. He’s thrived in that environment as it suits his asd/adhd traits. Would something like that help you DS?

Good grief
At 20 my great g fathers were a spitfire pilot and on a destrier in WW2
That is what I call stressful
They did not say they cannot work - they got on with it

Stop enabling him

It really depends on the work coach he would be under, unfortunately some actually create more stress.

The dwp do have work psychologists that can help him identify which type of work would be suitable for him, the aim is finding out what work is suitable means you're more.likely to be able to stay in a job long term.

The days off signing on and being left on a scrap heap are long gone.

I would say he needs something part time so he doesn’t end up relying on UC and he contributes to society. He could claim UC top ups I think.

You are right that something needs to change but just quitting maybe isn’t the answer. Have you looked at something he could do and he’d feel more confident, maybe working from home , or outdoors etc etc.

Long term, better to find paid work that he enjoys

I would suggest a short (2 weeks max) fit note from the GP and then try to reduce hours to what he can manage. If he takes a long time off, getting back into work will be really hard.

Universal credit
Sick notes
Apply for LCWR

https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit

What does he aim to achieve in the 'break' from work that will make employment easier in the future?

If it's to gain a skill, complete voluntary work or work experience or to have therapy to help with anxiety & social skills then it's a good idea.

If it's a 'break' from trying to manage & he won't be doing anything productive instead then I think unfortunately it will do more harm than good & will make it harder to get back into education or employment.

PIP info

www.gov.uk/pip