DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

I'm glad you have.
If I chose to say my bit, I would probably be banned for life from this mad society and it wouldn't be that bad, but sometimes this forum provides me with entertainment.

I think (not 100% sure) that on of the neurology transmitters sertraline targets ( apart from serotonin) is dopamine.

Fluoxetine made dd worse but she absolutely flew on sertraline.

Well the world isn't like that, unfortunately. Speaking as someone who really struggled with severe anxiety until I started on antidepressants and proprananol. It's not ableist at all to suggest that medication for anxiety might help with anxiety.

Good advice!

I took them for 30 years to enable me to to work. I was glad to be having fun with my colleagues and earning a good wage.

Drugs were invented for a reason after all

OP - is he completely unmedicated? If so, that's the first place I'd start - speaking from personal experience (ADHD, depression, anxiety), I've found sertraline and proprananol to be a lifeline. I also have low blood pressure but haven't come up against that as a barrier to medication. I'm on a really low dose of sertraline which just takes the edge off for me and has made life so much easier to cope with. Without medication, it's going to be an uphill struggle - it's there to help!

He shouldn't need any anti anxiety meds, he needs to live in a world that does not cause him anxiety. It's ridiculous and ableist to suggest that someone with a disability should be medicated in order to go to work. I hope he can get PIP and UC
What world is that that doesn't require work to support yourself and where your self-esteem is not destroyed by lack of activity?

Can you explain what he is good at and what he enjoys. I’m wondering if there’s something he can do part time, from home. Or if he takes a break if he can go on a course at home to build up different skills. It does sound like he needs a break - but I would be hesitant to remove routine, and purpose from the day-to-day, if I were you.

You are both doing the right thing atm. Keep going until he finds a job he’s comfortable with. When he achieves this, great things will happen for you both. He’ll have money and be independent. Eventually he’ll move out, with or without someone.

If you stop putting the effort in now, your son may be on benefits forever and have to live with you forever. Single men are not a priority for social housing. I can’t see anything good coming from not working.

Has he contacted Access to work? He could get help to stay in work, e.g. a coach so you don't have to do all the support.

Your gp is supportive which is great.
My younger son has autism, adhd and depression and gets enhanced level pip and uc with the lcwra element. Due to the severity of his disabilities, paid employment is not something he is capable of and would be a risk both to himself and to others.

Like fuck is he or your son on the scrapheap as a pp so charmingly put it.

Apply for uc with the support of your gp ask for the work capability assessment.

There are groups and services your son can access. My older son also autistic is part of some great social groups for adults on the spectrum which help him a lot.

Right now your son is unable to work. Focus on dealing with that. Don't see the whole of his life and try to make decisions based on that. Just take this little piece of it. The rest of the pieces can wait.

Your great grandfather obviously wouldn’t have had the same issues as DS does.

There would have been many people like DS but if they appeared different then they would have likely been locked in a mental institution or been in prison for being ‘odd’. Even today 75% of the prison population is ND.
If he was on the other side he would have been murdered for being autistic.

Thank goodness we know more about different neurodivergent needs and ways to support them and we’re starting to get away from these old fashioned views.

Absolutely not! What kind of life will he have if you’re allowing him to give up on his future at 20?

Is he medicated for his ADHD? He needs help to overcome his difficulties. Work on helping him sort that. If the GP is not helping then go private.

24% of the working population have SEN... do we just write them all off and chuck them on benefits?

I'm not sure as a population we can afford that.

And to the person suggesting I'm not supporting someone with SEN - I am... myself and my 10 year old...

ADHD meds won't hep

This thread has attracted some of mumsnet’s more unpleasant posters. Have reported the whole thread rather than individuals as this sort of nasty shit needs stamping out.

He shouldn't need any anti anxiety meds, he needs to live in a world that does not cause him anxiety. It's ridiculous and ableist to suggest that someone with a disability should be medicated in order to go to work. I hope he can get PIP and UC @dswork and you can help arrange an environment in which he can function better.

No the gp will not prescribe due to DS having low blood pressure
This doesn't sound right at all. Yes some anxiety medication aims to reduce blood pressure but not all. Also you said he tried antidepressants and gave up due to side effects.

Side effects are almost inevitable at the beginning, you just have to ride it for a few weeks until the positive effects kick in and really makes a difference.

Your son needs to understand that are no miracle remedy to his difficulties and he needs to give things a try.

If he was my son, I would support him quitting his job but only on the condition he tries the medication again and stick to it however uncomfortable it is. He will have no obligations, that means he can deal with it.

I would also give him a timescale and expect some form of plan during that period, such as a walk outside every day, some social interaction, online cbt, and a time to reevaluate.

Please for the sake of your son, don't support him to quit and do nothing for weeks on. This would only increase his sense of worthlessness, depression hopelessness and fear of the future and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Is he on ADHD meds? My DS13 is AuDHD too and meds have really helped him during the day with school.
DD17 is ASD and is chronic fatigue/ burnout a lot as she only has limited spoons (look up spoons theory if you’re not aware of this). DD is in arr college and wants to work for herself when she’s older rather than have a job that we know she won’t cope with either, she can barely do 3 afternoons at art college let alone the stress of work and getting there etc.
perhaps let him have x months -+ if needed to recover and recoup, check anything he’s able to apply for financially and see what he wants to do that he can do
good luck

Why does he want to work?

Could you try and see if there’s anything online he can do, even volunteering?

That way he’s still feeling like he’s working but he won’t get as stressed leaving his safe space.

Of course there is a concern that he may get too comfortable being at home but what’s he’s doing now is making him (and you) unwell.

Hopefully, in the future you can find some volunteering or even things like youth clubs to get him out of the house and start slowly learning to cope in a NT world.

How long has he been in burnout op?

My dd has been in for 5 years but coming out. ADHD meds and sertraline both helped an awful lot. Fluoxetine did nothing.

Mine is on Pip and UC including LCW. She’s made it to uni but is exhausted all the time so we have to in effect look after her.

And for the benefit whingers. Yes she’s in both and at uni. And yes they know.🖕🏼

Op this site has a weird obsession with work being the only possible route to fulfilment to ignore the ones pushing him down that route. Get him a stable source of income with UC and let him have a good rest.

After a few months when he is feeling better and wants something to fill up his day times then there are quite a few options for him. He can try low pressure volunteer work, or try some of the online work from home jobs (it seems leaving the house is a big trigger for him so this might be worth it).

There are often also day centre places adults can attend so they are getting out of the house and socialising in a structured way without the pressure of work. I attended one myself for a year while recovering from PTSD after a traumatic event. These do need to be paid for but you can apply for direct payments to cover the cost.

Even if those options fail then all he needs is a decent routine and structure for a happy life. I ended up not going back to work after my day centre year as I developed a worsening physical disability that made it very hard to leave my house alone. But I have set things I do every week that keep me social and happy and I do my hobbies around them. I've been out of work for 15 years now and have a mostly happy life.

Your DS needs to forge his own path for what will make a fulfilling life for himself - work doesn't seem to be part of that path right now so he needs to switch directions.

my family member dropped out of a work placement in similar circumstances and didn’t leave house, got even more depressed and 10 years later isn’t working despite wanting to desperately.

anything at all to keep him going out, cuddling a neighbour’s cat, local library, after school nanny to school aged kids via sitters.com.

all of mine are really happy never leaving the house ever lost in their fantasies and safe place and a little bit of positive destinations daily..good luck @dswork you sound like you have been doing a stellar and very hard job x

Yes I would for both your sakes. Maybe look into a once a week or twice a week volunteering role so he doesn’t get out the habit of work but gives him a role with a lot less stress. Then when he’s ready really look into what might suit him. Sounds incredibly tough for you both.

Have PM you x