DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

I think its clear that your son needs a break... work isn't working for him whilst he is in this heightened state of anxiety. I think the plan should be to go back to the GP and work through how you can manage his anxiety. Let him take a break from work to rest and recover... but with ground rules (asking him to get up, make his bed, have a shower, do some chores in the house etc) This will help him to have a routine and some daily purpose whilst he figures out what is next. Wishing you all the best.

??? Mines ASD. Anti depressants helped enormously.

Contact your local council, most, if not all, have schemes to support disabled people be matched with the right job. They help with applications, getting reasonable adjustments and learning strategies to cope with work. I wouldn't discourage work, it can be so beneficial for people's wellbeing when they have the right role.

Mine responded really well. Life changing. It seems a shame not to try.

Sertraline increases Dopamine.

Has he ever been on ADHD medication? I would consider this before anti depressants. People I know have been put on antidepressants before discovering actually they have ADHD and then prescribed adhd meds which made the world of difference.
The anti depressants didn't work or made things worse.

What an absolutely moronic statement

I'm so sorry. My husband and I are both neurodivergent and despite working until very recently (in my 40s), it really did feel too much for me a lot of the time! My husband is a business owner which has bought him flexibility but burnout is real and I would say he hasn't fully recovered from autistic burnout/a break down which happened two or three years ago now.

sorry, none of that is helpful for you but just wanted to say I get it and yes, I would see if he can get UC to give him some respite from work.

i will say though that once he has had a rest and is recovering from burnout, he needs to make a plan going forward.

How can you say this as a blanket statement? They seem to really help me with sensory overload and general energy levels so I am less likely to fall into a burnout type state. They also really help my son cope with the general overwhelm of school so that he doesn't end up constantly dysregulated which makes everything impossible. Now, granted neither of us have an autism diagnosis but the evidence does lean that way particularly in DS2's case.

There is every chance they could be part of the solution for OP's son, and no reason to write them off without even trying it.

Agree with this. OP try to continue supporting your son to be part of the world, not withdraw from it. Help him build resilience. He will have a far happier life in the long-term and better health outcomes. We all want to protect our DC but sometimes they need a push as well. It's great he's been working, don't let him feel he's not able to work just because he's not quite found a workplace that suits him. Maybe he could do some training instead to develop some practical skills, it's not all just about academia.

Have you looked into this?

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

That is s really tough. I admire your son for trying so hard.Because the employment he is currently in is damaging his mental health he should give it up. Health is the most important thing we have.

I am not suggesting that he gives up daily activity though. There are other things he could explore with help from disability employment services.

Have you explored Social Firms which provide care and support in the working environment? I helped to set one up some time ago and it enabled people with significant mental health problems to rebuild their confidence and work.

This must be so difficult for you both.

Do you (or he) have access to any kind of counselling & therapeutic support? Could the anxiety be separated from the AuADHD a little?

It sounds like he needs a proper break from external demands, but maybe that needs to be a month at a time, with achievable & productive goals (eg take responsibility for taking a daily shower & walking outside for an hour daily) with appropriate counselling or CBT or therapy for his anxiety, so he doesn't see himself as a failure.

Then maybe volunteering work - even just 2 hours a week, maybe working in a really kind nurturing environment? With a charity sorting clothes with lots of older volunteers who can treat hm like a son IYSWIM? or a "Man's Shed" type place where they'll treat him gently, like they're his grandfathers.

Or would something really knackeringly physical for a day a week help him?

It's a matter of routines and feeling secure I suppose, but also, thinking of others, or doing something tough physically, rather then churning things over in one's head to the point of panic attacks, might be therapeutic in itself.

And volunteering work will give him some pride that he is contributing. It's terrible for any 20 year old not to participate & contribute, but we might have to channel Mao here: "From each according to his abilities; to each according to his needs."

Good luck

It sounds like he hasn't found the right job and people yet. There are some highly structured, SEND friendly highly supervised apprenticeships out there. Loca councils usually have help to work people who can advise on this for people with diagnoses like your son. You might need tolet him rest, tell him we're having a six week break like the school holidays then we need to try again, because I know you can do it with the right help. You might need to start very small and easy to rebuild confidence.

For yourself OP, have a look at the S.P.A.C.E programme,it's a bit like NVR but for parents of young people with anxiety -its putting boundaries in so they still feel supported but their anxiety isn't controlling you too.

@dswork We are in a similar situation here. Ds has worked seasonally. So he finished in November and will be back in February. It's not a permanent solution. He needed a break, ideally not as long but he definitely would have burned out. Im hoping a reset will work for him. We support him financially until he goes back to work. Im hoping this year he will build on it and do a course or find another part time job for the winter months. He has asd too.
Maybe a part time job would work? A few hours per day or 3 days a week?

I was going to suggest volunteering too. I'd recommend UC though, simply because he needs money coming in. It will give you both some breathing space. If he could work from home PT, that might be ideal. If he also continued to volunteer this would stop him being isolated. After so many upsets he needs his confidence building.

I think you've been quite rude there to a poster asking a simple question.

And you twisted their words because they did not suggest there was a 'cure'.

Honestly, there are enough nasty and rude people here you could rightfully be having a go at, without having a go at well meaning posters asking a simple question.

Can you contact your local council and ask if they have a supported employment service within adult social care who could support him into an appropriate role or employer ?
and also see if they have a mental health reablement team who support people with MH difficulties with daily life skills, activities etc?
these might provide him with some non family support which would in turn help you.

It is a known fact that a lot of AuDHD do not respond well to anti depressants - they wont even try with my young adult due to the possible affects on the neural pathways.
He may be entitled to UC but he may also be entitled to LCW or LCWRA which can be paid alongside working but also when not able to work. Full term -Limited Capability for Work and Related Activity
Unfortunately a lot of people will not understand what this is like to live with day to day or the effects on the AuDHD person

No, but there are medications for anxiety and depression.

There is for anxiety though.

FFS. There is no medication for autism!

(There are meds for ADHD, but that's to manage symptoms, and does not "cure" ADHD or anxiety or autistic burnout)

I'd also say my ND daughter nearly had a nervous breakdown working in a customer facing role, she now works part-time in a specialist area on a one-to-one basis, and earns more and is doing great. It's just one of those things, not everyone is able to do everything, being around people or working in a fast-paced role like in a cafe isn't a skill given to everyone, others thrive in it.

I think you need to scale it back and help him find a part-time role that he can stick at while he builds his confidence and gets used to adult life.
Dropping out of work completely is likely to make him retreat further and forever think he isn’t able to work. Then he’ll get stuck in a rut.

As someone with Asperger’s who had horrendous depression and anxiety at that age, for which I was on medication for, I pushed on, with much pushing from my parents! If I’d have been allowed to hide away, I’d have never got myself together.
My twenties were so unbelievably hard and anxiety inducing, but it was the decade that I grew up and figured out how I could adapt to the world.

I think ND people kind of have to accept that they are going to have a real struggle on their hands for a while, but it’s sort of crucial to finding your way.

The reason I don't think he will end up as an unemployment statistic in his bedroom is he's had 9 jobs. He's not lazy and he's not avoiding life. He's trying his very best to live a 'normal' life but it's not happening right now and that's ok. The best thing for him will be to take time off sick (on UC) and then work towards doing other activities or work over the years. I feel sure he won't end up a statistic, he has motivation but struggles- once the struggles are addressed more fully, his motivation will still be there.

@HereintheloveofChristIstand

I’ve paid in for 40 years. Happy to support any person like this.

Also you are supporting my Audhd dd. And the fact that this pisses you off makes me very happy. 👌