DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

Its not that clear cut.

Burnout affects the frontal lobes of the brain which become inflamed. It’s not just ‘anxiety’

The brain has to recover fully before it can function properly.

Hoe does he get through the job interviews? He must have done a few well enough to get the jobs he's had. Is it having some type of responsibility rather than interacting with people that causes his anxiety?

Speak to the disablement officer at your local jobcentre/careers office/ college. They are possibly the best place to know what support is available and what sheltered employment vacancies may be appropriate.

Even with several quite obvious physical disabilities, certain people still asked me why I can’t work!

Why are solutions, which inevitably lead to debate and arguments, have to be black or white.

There are a lot of options, as have been suggested, between throwing the notion of resilience on the kid's throat and allowing him to be a bum in his room gaming or sleeping all day.

The main issue is his clearly extreme level of anxiety. This needs to be tacked both in understanding it. What are the triggers, where it comes from etc...then looking at medical help (which involves, a consultation with a doctor who knows that there is medicines you can take with low blood pressure and your son accepting that there are going a quick fix) and finally reintroducing exposure to stressor slowly and controllably, one step at a time, with a clear plan.

I have been through something similar with my DS, he did manage to hold down a job for some time but unfortunately his mental health massively declined.
He’s now having a break from work and he’s now stable (he did have a stay in a psychiatric hospital).
I don’t know what his future will entail, hopefully employment in the future and perhaps volunteering or part time work to begin with.
For me it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and I have sleepless nights worrying about hell manage when I’m dead. I’ve found about a third of the people I’ve spoken to just don’t get it. Perhaps they would if he had a physical disability of physical health condition, I don’t know.

As an autistic ex-teacher, I’m afraid I’d have to disagree with you there.
I was in a pretty good position to comment.

Some teachers do know what they are talking about. I’m sorry you never met any.

It's mad that so many people think best option is Benefits. Parents, whilst being their child's biggest supporter, can be their biggest enabler of avoidance and in turn failure. Benefits is not where you go with a child like this if you want to prepare them for the world.

I see this has already been suggested but I would also suggest Access to Work which is a government scheme and can provide lots of support, although it can be a bit complicated to organise!

You very clearly have no direction experience in this situation. If you haven't been a parent or have nd condition then you have no idea what this burnout is like. Op is supporting her son, not enabling him.
I dont think anyone has suggested letting him lie in bed all day. Of course he will need to maintain some kind of routine and learn new things. Not everyone can manage full time work, some people need support and some people just need a break. At 20 years of age he can do that, he hasn't got a mortgage or kids to support.

I agree with this, I think it could be on the condition that you seek out additional
support for managing his disabilities, to get the most out of life, and a work coach (can be provided by mental health charities - search employment and training support).

But yes, I would back off for now for both of your sake. But get support for yourself too, there are lots of support groups for nd parent/carers that you can reach out to.

Good luck to you both.

Nope.

But they don’t seem much better. Because it’s all about attendance. And resilience. Both of which are bollocks for an AUDHD kid.

A teacher in a SEMH school?

I was also a senior teacher in a secondary school school for 30 years. I also have an AUDHD daughter.

The boy needs a break. Schools and teachers know NOTHING about ASD burnout. I’d never heard of it and DD’s school had never heard of it. Until it happened to her.

In fact in my bitter experience a teacher is one of the least qualified to commmet. They fucked dd up completely to the point of self harming.

Sounds like he needs more than a gp help. I.e. general practicioner is general. Try sprecialist and other meds....get a referral. Maybe his meds are just not right for him (they arent doing much for him sounds like). He needs firm support to get on track to feel better and be able to function although work may still be inappropriate for him.

OK, so I am one of the posters who others love to hate.

Oh get over yourself, talk about main character energy 🙄

And the only 'irresponsible' post was yours.

OK, so I am one of the posters who others love to hate. I can cope with that, ho hum. However, I stand by what I have said. Neither statements were intended to be cruel or judgmental.

Just to put my cards on the table, until my fairly recent retirement, I was a senior teacher in a SEMH 11-18 school. I do know a bit about the subject, my students and their carers. I do recognise that most of the posts here are anecdotal, and quite a few irresponsible, IMO.

The OP has given very little information here. She and her DS are both , being the main thrust. Numerous posters have asked what he is good at, what he likes, and if he has thought about working outside. All good questions.

Doing nothing all day will help noone, especially not DS. If he gives up work, it has to be to do something different, maybe of his own design. Life is about taking risks, and everyone suffers some anxiety when they have a change. Most people are tired, or even exhausted, after a day of work and commuting. These effects are not limited to ND people.

From the scarce amount of information here, I would suggest that DS feels a bit of a failure at life. He hasn't achieved any academic success at school, and can't find a job that works for him. He is now struggling with the notion of daily routines. He will be well aware that his parents are struggling too, so will feel guilty. His peer group will be miles ahead.

Might I suggest that any break from work includes a little holiday together, where he can get away from home, do interesting things that he can't really fail at. He will be able to see that there is more to life than the four walls of his room.

At home, he needs to have time out of his room. He should be helping in the house, doing chores, preparing meals for the family, cleaning family areas, on a rota. Every small thing will be something that he achieves - even if it's just making his bed (a good way to start the day on a plus).

Mum needs to stop enabling him. Caring does not mean enabling. Caring means helping him to fulfil his potential.

Also...Citizens Advice benefits advice line is helpful and non-judgmental (not that there's anything here to judge!).

If he has to leave work for now due to ill health, which could be related to his disability - and sounds like your GP will support this - definitely claim for UC and also put in a claim for Limited Capacity for Work / Related Activity. I think there's a waiting period until that can be paid but if awarded he'll get some financial support but more importantly I think for your situation, he won't be expected to look for work during the period he's awarded and can use the time to hopefully feel better and figure out what kind of work is going to be sustainably doable for him. That might be part-time, low-stress work, and that's fine, his long-term health and your well-being need to come first. Good luck.

Has he ever been assessed to determine what work is most appropriate for him. Retail and Hospitality are not the best fit for someone with Autism. I would get him to sign on as unemployed and see if the job centre can refer him anywhere for assessment and maybe some job skills training. My son is ASD and I’ve had years of problems trying to get him work. He finally did an electrical apprenticeship and has been in work since.

Would maybe something different like gardening or greenkeeping work? Where he could have a bit more solitude and autonomy?

OP I dont have autism but honestly, I found hospitality and retail jobs pretty stressful because people get arsey about things you cant fix, there's quite often time pressure and you're just meeting stranger after stranger but never really "know" your customers. I can see why someone with autism would find it doubly so. Feel free to ignore this but a young man I recently met with autism and mutism is working successfully as a plasterer. He cant be self-employed but he works for a guy who arranges it all and deals with the customer and then he just does the actual work alongside him, but he seemed to be coping with that- possibly because it's reasonably predictable and not much interaction required and you're working alongside someone you get to know? Maybe something to consider for the future because it's pretty well paid and always demand for good ones.

When you go to UC meetings maybe ask if there are any persons available who are specialists with ND people. My son got appointed one who was exceptionally helpful to understanding his needs.

wtf? Ofc they will

It does sound like he needs a break but also that there needs to be a plan for what is next otherwise, time drags on and before you both know it any attempt to venture into the world again feels impossible and he's stuck in a very small, stagnant life. Ideally there would be proper support for your son but often the official support via the job centre is punitive and does more harm than good so it probably does fall to you to try and help him or perhaps look for charities that might be able to support him. Would he consider a collage course?